At 38 I realized I have ADD...

VMware
VBqY40

Go to company page VMware

VBqY40
5d 26 Comments

For years I was convinced that the fact it's difficult for me to start new tasks and just be consistent is just the result of a traumatic childhood. Don't get me wrong, being born in the USSR and raised by a volatile, helicopter mother didn't help much either (see Pete Walker on CPTSD). But even after therapy some issues remained intractable. For one, I can't focus on a task unless I had 8 hrs of sleep and some degree of devine providence.
Before my first child was born and I actually had the luxury of full night sleep, the issues were easier to ignore or explain away. But not so much now.
Finally I decided to schedule an appointment with a neurologist. The neurologist gave me a prescription and OMFG. I came home took a pill and went on to submit the receipt from the visit for reimbursement, noticed that in my evergroweing TODO list there are tasks that take no longer than 5 min and I did them. For the first time in my life starting a new task wasn't a long process of digesting the task in my mind in to atoms before I could start, but rather just do. It just blows my mind, it's a fucking brave new world for me. For the whole 15 years that span my career in tech I was smart and capable but only in times of criss or just before shit hit the fan. I was extremely inconsistent, and no amount of meditation or workout or therapy could help. I'm starting a new job soon and this time there is NO timer ticking away before my new employer finds out that this smart and experienced industry veteran is actually a hot inconsistent mess.

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TOP 26 Comments
  • New / Eng
    Go8he

    New Eng

    Go8he
    ADHD is a great way to get feedback about how lazy you are and blame yourself for your lack of consistency.

    Medication can be a true godsend.

    A couple gotchas from somebody who's been there: bring your dose down as much as possible until it helps but doesn't make you talk like you're manic. It's easy to overdo it and end up very productive, yes, but also very off-putting to others.

    Second is to skip/reduce the meds on the weekends. You can develop a tolerance over time and you'll lose the benefit of the medication that upping the dose won't fix.

    Check with a competent psychiatric doctor/NP before following any advice you get on the internet.

    Finally, congratulations! You've discovered that, like some of us, that personality flaw you've felt guilty and insecure about is actually a treatable medical condition and not a moral failing. It's a truly wonderful realization.
    5d 1
  • Stripe
    rmfK54

    Go to company page Stripe

    rmfK54
    I was diagnosed about two years ago after a really rough bout of inconsistent performance and self sabotage that lead me into some deep soul searching.

    I'll just say one thing, the pill euphoria goes away quickly. Amphetamine is a godsend for those of us with ADHD but we still need to force ourselves to focus on the right thing.
    5d 1
    • Oracle
      spiceboy

      Go to company page Oracle

      spiceboy
      Rogan had a psychologist dr Amishi jha. So her program/research basically had participants who were on adhd medication to do a mindfulness practice before the medicine and the task they wanted to do. Subgroup with mindfulness plus medication had better outcomes in finishing the task
      5d
  • NVIDIA / Eng
    flve75

    Go to company page NVIDIA Eng

    flve75
    lol i am also 38 and looks like you are describing my issues. things are so bad now a days that even if shit hits the fan, i might not be able to concentrate!! i should see a doc
    5d 2
  • Sorry for sounding ignorant but I’m really quite curious. Expense reports are a pretty simple task, you can’t just force yourself to sit still for 10 minutes and bang it out? What‘s the experience like? I mean, if someone had a gun to your head and it’s life or death, would you be able to do it? I know I’m trivializing it, apologize ahead of time, but I really don’t mean to sound offensive.
    5d 5
    • Thank you guys for sharing your stories, it sounds super annoying having to deal with these issues. I on the other hand feel have pretty strong control over my focus. Even with boring tasks, if I decide to do it, I get a sensation of entering into a mental chamber where my mind is able to block out everything else around me. I did not alway have this ability, I think it was trained. In my first couple years of my professional career, I spent a lot of time in airports, airplanes, the train, buses, while faced with work with tight deadlines. So I was forced to be able to work efficiently anywhere.

      What I’m trying to say here is. Could there be activities that can be done to train your brain away from ADHD. Or perhaps things that causes the condition to worsen, so avoid those things? E.g avoid or even quite YouTube shorts, or any quick bite content?

      Lets say if there is a way to “train” the brain in this scenario of ADHD, i certainly understand it’s easier said than done. So some sort of drug assistance is definitely useful, but I’m wondering if there is a more permanent solution than, “I have a task that I’m going to take a pull to perform”. I want to share a story here about my personal success in training my brain to get pass another mental issue I struggled with. Nothing compared to the level of disruption you guys were faced with, but nonetheless the issues were causing a great deal of distress for me and my family. I ended up discovering a contact out of random for psychedelic treatments. Through that experience, I was able to uncover some fundamental causes for my personal issues, then found tangible ways to overcome it. The discoveries during that experience also allowed me to continue working towards those goals without the assistance of drugs.

      I know I’m way out of depth on this topic, but if this information has any chance of helping somebody in any way, it would make me happy. If not, then I had just wasted your time and I apologize for that.
      5d
    • Tesco / Eng
      DEV_PP_PRD

      Go to company page Tesco Eng

      DEV_PP_PRD
      Actually that chamber thing is an ADHD superpower. Given how an ADHD brain works, when the brain sets itself upon something, it goes into hyperfocus. It's like being in a zone.

      The way ADHD works is not lack of concentration itself... That's just a side effect. ADHD means the executive function of the brain is not developed properly (it's a neurodevelopmental disorder) and doesn't produce enough dopamine to keep the individual brain stimulated/engaged. As a result, we struggle to 'order' our brain around on what things to do. But once the brain does decide to focus on something (usually when dopamine level has risen to normal, due to deadlines/excitement/enjoyment of the activity, or through adhd meds which are essentially mild variants of meth, ie stimulants) it forgets about the rest of the world... about sleep, food, what time of the day it is, if someone is talking to you, everything. This superpower is what enables me deliver my most critical work one hour before the deadline while having spent days procrastinating. As a result I get to keep my job. Obviously in the long run this builds stress and anxiety even in the most WLB supportive environments, because environment is not the problem, our time management is.
      5d
  • Google
    AAxR71

    Go to company page Google

    AAxR71
    I have experience with taking these drugs and ADHD diagnosis. A few things from my experience (not a doctor obviously):
    1. These drugs change the way you relate to people and can inadvertently destroy relationships, it’s a slow corrosion. Makes it harder to connect and easier to be abrasive. Be careful. Keep investing in kind, relaxed ways of relating to others and be you.
    2. It was effective for me to make my dose as low as possible and take it for as few days of the week as possible. It took me up to a year until I understood the strange and negative consequences these drugs can have on life. Better to limit the intake to limit the repercussions.
    3. These drugs might make you better at completing tasks but can make you worse at prioritization and creativity. Make sure you are not leaning too heavily on manpower since you’re good at this now - try to leverage existing systems and automation. You give someone a hammer and all they see are nails, don’t be like that.
    4. You should strive to get to a place where you can learn how to naturally manage ADHD and reach a balanced approach. With your newfound ability to focus, maybe read a few books on this and put the right systems in place for natural solutions. Remove everything that hurts your abilities such as alcohol.
    5d 1
    • New
      IdUr63

      New

      IdUr63
      I (re)started on this stuff recently; and just want to +1 the first point. It’s altogether too easy to push people away
      5d