for a grandparent to touch the butt (with pants on) of a little girl. I just noticed my father in law repeatedly doing this during dinner and I am concerned. My daughter is 4 now. Am I overreacting?
Like one of these?
Op, are your in-laws the same race as you?
No, I’m American and they are East Asian.
There you go. That's the reason. In East asia, people see old people differently. They don't all automatically become pedophiles. Try to understand the cultural differences here, it will do your marriage good. In India, if a mother meets an old man at the park, and the old man pats the unknown kid, they get the respect of being their grand pa, even when they are not related and don't even know each other. It is a much more hierarchical society, where families are built on rank and hierarchy. The old man isn't 'jack' or 'bill' or 'that pedo guy', but grandpa...
Once your daughter starts to independently use the bathroom and wipe her own butt properly
If you felt it is inappropriate, probably it is. I don’t think there is any age per se. Just tell your FIL in a funny way that don’t treat her like a baby doll. She is a grown up girl. You know like in a funny laughing tone. And he should get the message You can’t blame them as well. He may not have thought about it even remotely. And maybe he is ageing. Instead of this post, just do what needs to be done
What kind of touching? Difference between a pat and caress. But either way, do not ignore your gut. Don’t leave him alone with her. Also, it’s fine to say “we’re teaching our daughter about boundaries and where other people aren’t allowed to touch her. Please don’t touch her private areas.” Anything less than a respectful “oh, ok” is a red flag.
This is disturbing to read... If he did in front of all of you, it probably means it was meant as playful. You should speak with your husband to understand the cultural norms and acceptable boundaries. There’s a lot of material on teaching kids about boundaries and inappropriate touch starting at a young age (so they are comfortable to communicate with you).
It’s want visible to all. I just happened to see it because I was sitting next to her and he was on the same bench.
It seems like it bothers you, if there are people in the room, I don't think he's trying to keep it a secret. If you're not comfortable with it, then you should let the person know. It happened to me growing up and I do it, it's different between my wife and my daughter, but it's not sexual at all. Friends do that to me when playing sports, sometimes even off the field at the office or if they see me outside lol. I don't think you should be worried, but you should say something if it bothers you
Also OP, this could be considered “grooming”. Trying to normalize abnormal behavior so she’s desensitized to it. Address it and then judge his response.
Grow up and talk to your husband about it, not strangers on the internet - Jesus.
Not how it works. Bad memories before we have the language to process them are the most harmful experiences.
@ALTS28 That really doesn't sound right. Sounds like you are endorsing molestation as long as the kid cannot remember
You've literally skipped the whole context of this "touching"
Not sure what you mean. We were eating dinner and he reached over to her to “pat” her butt, multiple times.
Like what was the patting for? Getting something off her butt? Groping? Discipline? What?