Bidets ruined my life!!!!

I used to be the average joe who would hit the can and use toilet paper to wipe. I had friends who used Bidets or other forms to wash themselves and to me that sounded disgusting (somehow wiping seemed less disgusting).... all that changed when I joined Google MTV. I usually used the bigger stall until one day I was forced to use the smaller stall. As soon as I sat down, I was pleasantly surprised with the heated seat. Once finished, I thought to myself: “what the heck, just press the button and see what happens. How disgusting could it be”.... pressed the button and after a few seconds a nice steady warm water hit me and it felt sooooo good. I increased the pressure, changed to different pulsation modes and I love love loved it. It was amazing. I had never felt so clean after taking a dump. That day changed me for life. Now, I’ve installed bidet at home (everyone loves it) and I only use the stalls that have bidet and now I’m completely addicted to it!!! If I go somewhere where there is no bidet, I take a water bottle with me to clean myself. At Google offices that don’t have bidet and I can’t take a water bottle, I find a shower afterwards and take a quick shower. I just can’t stand the thought of not being clean there anymore and I don’t think I can work at any other company anymore unless they have bidets!!!! Bidet ruined my life!! Don’t let it ruin yours. Say no to bidet!!!