'Bullied' by a coworker

Verafin
dangreen

Go to company page Verafin

dangreen
2d 14 Comments

I used to help a coworker on the task that he's working on. He's more senior than me, but he wrote some messy and hard-to-understand code. (not only myself, but another senior coworker has also mentioned that same)

One day during the stand-up meeting that has 25 participants, manager asked that person if he still need my help. That person thought about 5 seconds and said "ahhhh, nope, cuz this is too difficult for him".

I was feeling very angry and wronged but didn't react/defence, because I was not prepared and not sure what response should I have at that moment.

I didn't say any words, and still felling bad about what he said even though a couple months have elapsed. It is because of two reasons: 1, I blame myself for being a coward, why I didn't fight back, does it imply that I am the type of person who every one tends to bully? 2, I am afraid that my reputation is ruined by that guy because he's more senior than me, plus my not reacting to what he said made other people think that I admitted what he said was true - that I am not capable.

This unhandled incident still triggered me from time to time. What's the best or most rational thing I should do at the moment?

#workplace #bully #communication #collaboration #tech #mentalhealth #sde #developer

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TOP 14 Comments
  • Senior engineers are just people. Next time it happens you could ask him to clarify what he believes is too difficult. If he doesn’t fumble the response and actually says something that’s over your head you can ask your manager to let you pair with him for some knowledge transfer.

    Or just don’t say anything and focus on your own tasks. Sometimes it is best to avoid these kinds of people
    2d 1
    • Verafin
      dangreen

      Go to company page Verafin

      dangreen
      OP
      Thanks for the advice! I think I have been doing the later, just wondering if I still need to make up for this past incident to let me really move on.
      2d
  • Cisco
    shitco1234

    Go to company page Cisco

    shitco1234
    Actually he humiliated himself man. He is a fucking bully! Its so obvious that he was hurt that you helped him.

    You’re awesome! Keep up the good work and don’t let this shit to distract you!
    2d 2
    • Verafin
      dangreen

      Go to company page Verafin

      dangreen
      OP
      Thank you for the encouragement and opinion! Yea, if he's good enough, why he still need help from a person that's much junior than him?
      2d
    • Cisco
      shitco1234

      Go to company page Cisco

      shitco1234
      No no wait. If someone needs help it doesn’t mean they’re not good enough. Everyone needs help and being senior is just a title. There will always be something new to learn either you are junior or a senior. Knowledge should be shared. You might have seen something I haven’t and vice versa because we all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences. When you pair you share that knowledge. The problem here is that he is a c**nt. Don’t let this discourage you because if you let it, thats it. There will always be someone like him in every team in every company. You keep doing what you’re doing and learn as much as you can.
      Yesterday
  • Snowflake
    ❄️☃️❄️

    Go to company page Snowflake

    ❄️☃️❄️
    I think your manager already knows cause he asked a Senior dev if he needs help from you. This guy was prolly humiliated and responded that way to save his @$$.

    You can mention it to your manager “casually” that you’d helped the Snr on multiple occasions so it would’ve been nice if the Snr didn’t assume that it would be too difficult for you and that It would’ve helped build trust with rest of the team.

    Move on from the conversation without driving in to details. Your manager would then be aware.

    These things happen and every first encounter is a learning lesson. Be prepared to call out next time.
    2d 2
  • Amazon
    mac-user

    Go to company page Amazon

    mac-user
    The manager should of stepped in during the incident to help.
    2d 1
    • Verafin
      dangreen

      Go to company page Verafin

      dangreen
      OP
      I think the manager was a little shocked and not prepared as well, he mentioned something like "ok that's fair, but the person you requested help from (another senior) can have some fun with your task although he's very busy".
      2d
  • Amazon / Eng
    wawY45

    Go to company page Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Apple
    BIO
    I'm a no-man.
    wawY45
    It's difficult to say what's the appropriate response is.

    Had this happened at Amazon, the appropriate action is document this incident in writing with the manager, to have a paper trail. Tell your manager in writing that you don't think what happened was appropriate.

    If the situation repeats itself, escalate to HRBP yourself, or ask the manager why the senior is harassing you, in writing. Posing such question to a manager at Amazon, it should become explicitly clear to the manager that harassment has taken place, and it's the duty of any manager at Amazon to immediately report any harassment they've witnessed to HRBP.
    2d 2
    • Verafin
      dangreen

      Go to company page Verafin

      dangreen
      OP
      Thanks for the advice, you also do believe that this is some kind of harassment right? Cuz he literarily mentioned this out loud in front of 25 people.
      2d
    • Amazon / Eng
      wawY45

      Go to company page Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Apple
      BIO
      I'm a no-man.
      wawY45
      I think so. I mean, you're still thinking about it months later!

      It's easy to discard these things, thinking it's harmless, but it creates a hostile work environment.

      An Amazon manager is bound to report any harassment they witness straight to HRBP. Failure to report could result in a disciplinary action.

      You might want to consult a therapist and/or an employment lawyer for guidance. Many companies offer free therapy services through EAP.
      2d