Can’t fit in at new company
Always had social anxiety and was hoping to change in new company. I just can’t do it. Tried to tag along with co-workers for lunch. Couldn’t think of anything to contribute to their conversation and just sat there like a fool. Everytime I try to talk to a coworker, it’s obvious they are bored by me and are keeping the conversation going just to be polite. I feel like I was just born this way yet I’m hurt so much by it. What’s the point of getting into FANG if I can’t even socialize like normal people. Edit: wow, I went to work for one day and this got so much more attention than I thought it would. Thanks so much for everyone’s advice. I really mean it. Blind can be such a heart-warming place sometimes. I’ll check out the books, seek therapy again, and maybe then be able to embrace myself. Edit 2: I also want to clarify that I’m not working at hyundai anymore but at a FANG. I guess I didn’t make that clear and almost made hyundai the scapegoat. Of course I wasn’t trying to blame my new company either. I just thought being in a new environment would bring some changes and got depressed when it didn’t. But I’m not gonna give up now after reading the comments. Who knows. Some changes might be on the way.
You are likely being harder on yourself than they are. Friendships, even work ones, don’t just happen. They take time. Those small convos? Listen during them! Maybe some tidbit will show up that you resonate with! It’s ok to just observe and listen for a while.
+1. If you want to be interesting, start taking interest in others. Listen and be genuinely curious and compassionate. Remember what they say about their life and ask next time when you meet. If social anxiety makes it harder for you in a group, connect with people 1:1. Also a lot of this anxiety is due to the “thinking / judging mind”. Mindfulness or zen meditation helps with this
Don't worry about that. Just do your job well and they will come to you. I am in the similar state. Sometimes it's the people too. Maybe they don't have the same mindset as you. And it's ok. Try having a lunch group outside your team if you know of any people.. you can meet friends of friends.. and have your own group in the end.
Thanks I hope it will get better for you too
This also happened to me. I discovered that my team had common interests but I didn't share them (and they didn't share mine). I found groups of people at work outside of my team who shared at least one of my interests (music, playing instruments, video games) and I clicked much better with them than with my team. Good luck.
Have your tried to get help? Social anxiety doesn’t change just by switching companies.
Yea I went through therapy and several psychiatrist my college years and it didn’t help
Then you may just be an introvert. Which there’s nothing wrong with. Stop being ashamed of who you are and you’ll have a better chance of turning things around the way you want it to.
There is a misconception that in a conversation you contribute by saying something. Good people to talk to are those making questions. So your colleagues won’t feel bored because they are the center of the conversation. The best book about that I know is: never split the difference.
The negotiation book?
Sometimes it’s a matter of finding like minded people. I have uncommon interests, but there’s a few guys who share them here. So I’m not bored or boring on happy hours, have folks to discuss shared interests. You may be able to find your mates too
Question your thoughts. Are they really bored? Or am I just reading much into it? Most of the time these are your ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) tickling you.
Just smile and put on that Wojak mask.
Sounds like a FANG. Yeah I would just eat alone if the lunch time convo isn't that interesting etc. No stigma attached to doing so, especially in FANG
+1 I have worked at two FAANG companies, this would not be a problem at either one
Find a remote position
Hmm.. maybe you are overthinking it? Or perhaps just hanging around the wrong people? Yeah, fake peeps abound in a lot of companies. How long have you been there?
Fake? Polite is not fake. I’m not going to tell a bore that he’s a bore.
Yea I’m actually quite thankful for people being polite. I’m just disappointed in myself