Yo, so, was a Dev, top uni, struggled in uni too, cuz my class of 300 had 4 females. I developed a freaky attitude after uni,, where I get depressed, hopeless and give-up, ... Anyways I survived all undergrad, got into top startups in SF, Amazon, etc. But I was told I asked too many questions, and instead of mentoring me, they made me feel incompetent. So much that I'm scared to apply for a Dev job. I had to "Taylor" my job exp to cater design and finally switched into being a ux designer. Only to realize that design is widely disrespected compared to engineering. It's not as intellectually challenging for me. I don't even know what like anymore. Actually with depression, I lost all passion. Use to love singing and arts. But now I have stress& depression related body illnesses: ulcer, vasivogal synpse, hair loss, slight insomnia, huge lack of motivation for anything, (I'm 25, female) frequently questioning if I want to die. Don't worry, I care to much about my parents to die. I'm finding it hard to see the purpose in life. I see other people's motivation, I understand it, but it doesn't motivate me. Edit: yes I have gone to therapists, not helpful at all. Edit: don't comment anymore. I'm considering deleting this post.
Open a small business and be your own boss. Do something you will enjoy and not be associated with groups where you feel depressed or stressed.
Don’t let anyone bully you. Do what you like and don’t ever change your profession to escape anyone or any situation. I can’t seem to figure out what could be the possible problem, but feel free to DM me if you need a mentor.
I'm not motivated, give up too easy. And I need money. I don't want to live with my parents. I love them. But I don't wanna live there.
Take my suggestion and seek professional help for your mental health.
Exercise. I recommend weightlifting. Sent you a PM for a rec in SF.
Where was the discrimination ?
I always thought girls have it easier. Isn’t it great to have lots of boy engineer asking you out on date? Switch companies. The female engineers at places I worked are having a great time and no discrimination.
Ditto on above - Exercise, Rest, Meditate, Check w Experts. That said, might I add consider volunteer work in whatever field or area that catches your fancy. Ideally something that takes you far away from the same type of people you meet at work, ie coding for jobless or kids, art or singing groups, etc. This sometimes helps to "reboot" me when I'm in a slippery slope downhill... All the best.
If I were you, I’d leave U.S. and go to Europe. There are great companies in EU, it is less competitive, less discriminatory, and you’d have better WLB. Also, Meditation and exercise helps a lot.
I can mentor you, if you’re open minded! Done a lot on job and within family.
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I’ve been here. Before you can figure out what you want to do professionally, you want to make sure you’re healthy and in a good mental state. Have you tried going to the doctor (in case this is a hormonal disorder? My sister has depression brought on by one and it caused sucidial ideation too)? Or a therapist? It’s hard to be motivated, work hard, etc while depressed. Damn near impossible sometimes. I’d start there. You’re very young and have lots of time to try new things and figure out a career (I worked in two completely different industries before landing in tech and in my 30s am still discovering what will ultimately make me happy to do). Don’t feel pressured to figure it all out right this moment. Also: never stop asking questions - that’s how you learn. The places that want to mute you are not the places you want to work for.
Have gone to therapists, not helpful/useful at all...
Still might be worth trying a medical doctor. Sometimes we need more than to just talk it out and there are a lot of physical ailments that can cause the systems you’re mentioning.