I live by myself. I am yet to get over a failed marriage from a few years ago. I am not interested in getting into a new relationship. Some days then, I feel lonely/depressed. I am lucky to have extended family near by that look me up, continue to invite me out even when I decline, sometimes come home and drag me to a movie and so on. I am not as lonely these days. A combination of interesting work in the office, new manager who encourages us to go after work that uses our skill sets have been key drivers. I do wonder though about others afflicted with loneliness/depression and want to share a few things that have helped me. There are a lot of ways to get out of the “funk” but if you are struggling getting out of the house, the below might help you. A. Routine A routine of having a few consistent interactions/people in your life. Saying hello to the receptionist, exchanging small talk, having your breakfast made by the same person in the office cafe and the little chit chat. B. Get out to get groceries or food (if you can’t get yourself to cook). Avoid home delivery unless you are physically sick. C. Get a house cleaner! The cleaner/neater my place, the better I feel. I consider it an investment! The lady comes twice a month and I’m so grateful. Sometimes I’m so thrilled I do a little jig after she leaves :) D. If you feel a cold/cough/fever/nasal congestion coming, take a medicine immediately. Don’t wait for it to blow up. You are alone and being physically sick makes it worse. I arm myself with DayQuil/NyQuil capsules, cough drops and electric vaporizer with vapopads. Together they quickly do their job. E. Find a walking buddy at work. Helps with getting exercise, and talking/listening to someone’s day. F. Schedule lunch with someone at least once a week. My energy is quickly drained when I’m in a group. I end up not joining my team during lunch. I do love interacting with people, so schedule one on one lunches. Scheduling helps because it’s so easy to just have lunch by yourself at your desk and miss out on social interactions. G. Most people have kids or a better half. It’s difficult to find people you can make spontaneous plans with. No doubt. But do try to reach out to people you think you can count on to listen to you when you’re having a particularly hard day. Stay strong if you didn’t judge well and someone does not appear to have the time or inclination to listen to you. Everyone has their own preoccupations. Related, find a friend you can ask for a hug. I have the luxury of having 3 people at work I can go to and say, ‘I need a hug’. Sometimes that physical contact helps heal. They reach out to me when they need one too. I can see this being difficult for men :) H. It’s hard to remember to do this, but treat yourself to a massage or some flowers or chocolate every now and then. I. Get a few drought resistant plants. I didn’t water my plants and they would keep dying. A patch of green can really lift your heart. J. I did not do this for a really long time. Please find yourself a therapist. It may take a while to find the right fit but it is worth the struggle. K. If you can afford it get a personal trainer. It’s on my to do list :) Nothing like getting fit to feel better, the release of endorphins will improve your mood too. Finally, if you have a friend who could you use some companionship, there are so many little ways you can make their day: a small bunch of flowers, a surprise knock on the door, a call or text, sharing a fruit or snack (a coworker got me a single mango once, another co-worker got me some Indian snacks she made at home, they did these in a very matter-of-fact way, but I was so touched!). And, pay it forward! :)
Thank you for your thoughtful advices and your kind heart. I am currently dealing with my divorce. There are some days I feel normal and I can put my bad marriage behind while some days are tough. This weekend has been one of those down days. What’s more challenging is that I got a new job and I find myself anxious about my performance. Good news is that I am following some of your advice. I am still struggling with self doubt. I feel like I am not good enough and I need to do more for my job and my career but I find myself doing nothing about it. I already feel I am being a downer....
Please don’t worry about being a downer. Everyone has bad days and most would understand. It is natural to feel anxious and self doubt in a new job setting, more so when you are going through a life change such as divorce. Please keep the faith, it does get better. Cliche, but take a deep breath and tell yourself one day at a time. It helped me calm down when I was similarly overwhelmed. Sending you healing thoughts.
Thank you! I will keep that in mind. So kind of you. Bless your heart.
Thanks for sharing! I too had followed some of these while I was working on healing. Couple of things to add that helped me was playing with my pets, watching some motivational videos, going to meetup events and traveling.
Hi Zenobia, I found that traveling and owning pets at the same time while being by yourself is not easy. I tried Rover or similar arrangements but I figured I can't fully trust random strangers to take good care of the pets. How did you arrange your travels while having pets?
I have birds and they stay out of their cage during weekends and sometimes during evenings too if they are in mood. If I am going out for couple of days my friend would come home and watch them one time a day. There are services which takes care of your pets while you on vacation. It can get expensive sometimes though. Best would be to take help from friends
What about embracing being alone and becoming comfortable with it? You free up an incredible amount of time to focus on yourself and your hobbies. You stop feeling lonely and it ceases to be an “affliction”.
When you are depressed, there is a big risk of embracing loneliness/becoming comfortable with it. There were times when I stayed at home binge watching. You get too comfortable. And it is difficult to be motivated to take a course or focus on hobbies. It is important to stay socially connected in such a situation.
It becomes depression when lack of social connection -> feeling unhappy. While I can understand that’s the majority, I believe embracing loneliness and deriving happiness from that is a totally valid alternative. Besides, unless you’re living on a remote island in with no way of communication, then you’re not really “alone”.
Thanks for the wholesome content. I found integrating into a community to be really beneficial personally. Religious people have it easy. They can just go to church..
Spot on.
How old are you OP?
Lol. Could you share some context to your question, please.
Meetups aren't a bad idea
Just leave the fucking Seattle and go to NYC. My life is 10x better. Especially for foreigners.
Going to therapy and doctors to get the help you need is one of the hardest steps, and in a lot of cases I think the most important. The stigma can be hard to get over, but for me it was realizing that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain and that's no different from a broken arm, or the flu. If your body isn't well, theres no shame in medicine to help.
Onwards and upwards OP! I had to deal with depression a few years ago for different reasons and I can empathize with you. I pray for you to get over this and I’m confident you will! 😊
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Tip from the old me, you don’t need company to watch movies, go to malls or parks. Being around people even if they aren’t part of you group helps. As does something do engage your attention - window /real shopping, the movie plot.
^^ this.