Coping with loneliness/depression

Apple
py1

Go to company page Apple

py1
Feb 24, 2019 188 Comments

I live by myself. I am yet to get over a failed marriage from a few years ago. I am not interested in getting into a new relationship.
Some days then, I feel lonely/depressed.

I am lucky to have extended family near by that look me up, continue to invite me out even when I decline, sometimes come home and drag me to a movie and so on.

I am not as lonely these days. A combination of interesting work in the office, new manager who encourages us to go after work that uses our skill sets have been key drivers.

I do wonder though about others afflicted with loneliness/depression and want to share a few things that have helped me.

There are a lot of ways to get out of the “funk” but if you are struggling getting out of the house, the below might help you.

A. Routine
A routine of having a few consistent interactions/people in your life. Saying hello to the receptionist, exchanging small talk, having your breakfast made by the same person in the office cafe and the little chit chat.

B. Get out to get groceries or food (if you can’t get yourself to cook). Avoid home delivery unless you are physically sick.

C. Get a house cleaner! The cleaner/neater my place, the better I feel. I consider it an investment! The lady comes twice a month and I’m so grateful. Sometimes I’m so thrilled I do a little jig after she leaves :)

D. If you feel a cold/cough/fever/nasal congestion coming, take a medicine immediately. Don’t wait for it to blow up. You are alone and being physically sick makes it worse. I arm myself with DayQuil/NyQuil capsules, cough drops and electric vaporizer with vapopads. Together they quickly do their job.

E. Find a walking buddy at work. Helps with getting exercise, and talking/listening to someone’s day.

F. Schedule lunch with someone at least once a week. My energy is quickly drained when I’m in a group. I end up not joining my team during lunch. I do love interacting with people, so schedule one on one lunches. Scheduling helps because it’s so easy to just have lunch by yourself at your desk and miss out on social interactions.

G. Most people have kids or a better half. It’s difficult to find people you can make spontaneous plans with. No doubt. But do try to reach out to people you think you can count on to listen to you when you’re having a particularly hard day. Stay strong if you didn’t judge well and someone does not appear to have the time or inclination to listen to you. Everyone has their own preoccupations.

Related, find a friend you can ask for a hug. I have the luxury of having 3 people at work I can go to and say, ‘I need a hug’. Sometimes that physical contact helps heal. They reach out to me when they need one too. I can see this being difficult for men :)

H. It’s hard to remember to do this, but treat yourself to a massage or some flowers or chocolate every now and then.

I. Get a few drought resistant plants. I didn’t water my plants and they would keep dying. A patch of green can really lift your heart.

J. I did not do this for a really long time. Please find yourself a therapist. It may take a while to find the right fit but it is worth the struggle.

K. If you can afford it get a personal trainer. It’s on my to do list :) Nothing like getting fit to feel better, the release of endorphins will improve your mood too.

Finally, if you have a friend who could you use some companionship, there are so many little ways you can make their day: a small bunch of flowers, a surprise knock on the door, a call or text, sharing a fruit or snack (a coworker got me a single mango once, another co-worker got me some Indian snacks she made at home, they did these in a very matter-of-fact way, but I was so touched!).

And, pay it forward! :)

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TOP 188 Comments
  • Veritas / Strategy
    xWfa06

    Go to company page Veritas Strategy

    xWfa06
    Tip from the old me, you don’t need company to watch movies, go to malls or parks. Being around people even if they aren’t part of you group helps. As does something do engage your attention - window /real shopping, the movie plot.
    Feb 24, 2019 1
    • New / Eng
      BogoSort

      New Eng

      PRE
      Samsung Electronics
      BogoSort
      ^^ this.
      Feb 27, 2019
  • Thank you for your thoughtful advices and your kind heart. I am currently dealing with my divorce. There are some days I feel normal and I can put my bad marriage behind while some days are tough. This weekend has been one of those down days.

    What’s more challenging is that I got a new job and I find myself anxious about my performance.

    Good news is that I am following some of your advice. I am still struggling with self doubt. I feel like I am not good enough and I need to do more for my job and my career but I find myself doing nothing about it. I already feel I am being a downer....
    Feb 24, 2019 6
    • Veritas
      jstSomeone

      Go to company page Veritas

      jstSomeone
      Same situation... initial phases of divorce.. also have a child to take care of... it's going to be tough but I m willing to face as continued compromise encourages my spouse to be further bad and it's causing serious health damage to me... I hope I can do justice to my child
      Feb 25, 2019
    • Stay strong my man. Stay strong
      Feb 25, 2019
  • Genuinely curious and not trying to troll, but I come from abroad and it seems to me that depression is a lot more common in the US... So many people I know are on medication of some sort. Does anyone know why that is?
    Feb 25, 2019 8
    • Google / Eng
      lena33

      Go to company page Google Eng

      PRE
      Salesforce
      lena33
      I think in other countries there are so many problems that people don't have time for depression. You constantly have to survive on that low salary. And people are more social and care about others. Here it is individualistic country. That's why there are more depressed people.
      Feb 26, 2019
    • ^ This is what I used to think too. But it’s not true based on what I read.
      Feb 27, 2019
  • LinkedIn / Eng
    howd

    Go to company page LinkedIn Eng

    PRE
    Amazon
    howd
    K. Find a "Third Place". We spend our lives between home and office. I believe that it is important to visit a "third place" on a regular basis. That could be a gym (better if it involves interactions with other people and not just "weights"), a dance class (Latin American dances are great to meet people), or some other sort of activity that involves other people.
    Feb 25, 2019 1
  • Apple / Mgmt
    j3ffB3z0s

    Go to company page Apple Mgmt

    PRE
    Amazon
    j3ffB3z0s
    What about embracing being alone and becoming comfortable with it? You free up an incredible amount of time to focus on yourself and your hobbies. You stop feeling lonely and it ceases to be an “affliction”.
    Feb 24, 2019 6
    • One Click Politics
      disnotHR

      One Click Politics

      disnotHR
      This.
      Feb 25, 2019
    • 6sense
      whsvehusb

      Go to company page 6sense

      whsvehusb
      I see so many people here I’d want to be friends with. Hang out over movies, karaoke, dinner, career. Ping me if you want to connect.
      Mar 21, 2019