I graduated with an engineering degree (not software) in the 90s on a scholarship. I grew up very poor (homeless at times) and was determined to have a better life than my family members (sister is currently in jail for example). I built a portfolio in web and flash, burned to disks and mailed them out to fledgling agencies everywhere. Got a job at a super fun shop. Not paid well but enjoyed the role. Got recruited into a startup designing mobile app prototypes (late 90s) bit of course that went belly up in recession. Had a passion for games industry and found another startup that I was actually successful at. Got purchased by big game company and transferred to another location to follow my passion. Then everything went to shit. Bought a house and within 8 months Office was shut down. Stuck in another city trying to survive. Worked for numerous agencies and finally came back to big game company on west coast only to be laid off a year later (losing my home, bankrupt etc) I have gone thru about 9 layoffs in past 8 years. My confidence is shot. I’ve never grown in my career. I’m in constant survival mode. I’m in my mid 40s and feel like a failure in life. My current job is falling apart on me. I’ve almost been homeless on two other occasions. I’ve been to the bridge a couple times at those times. I don’t want to be destitute but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m in therapy doing meds etc. but the fundamental problem is that I am too stupid, incompetent, etc to be a good worker and it makes me want to check out. This CONSTANT anxiety is killing me. I have little in savings and there’s no chance for retirement for me. I’ll probably delete this but I feel like a complete failure and it is killing me.
Please dont delete.. Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up! You have picked yourself up in so many occasions.. just keep believing in yourself and keep working hard. Dont loose hope!
It gets harder and harder. I haven’t given up yet but this constant anxiety now makes life miserable
Hello, it's hard to give you any useful advice, but I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. As much as you can, live below your means and try to build some cushion, it will help to reduce anxiety and my help you gain some confidence. Living in a low cost of living area (think Texas) may help too. Try to interview often to keep skill sharp and see if there is a better match somewhere else.
Yeah I have some savings now to help and my partner has some income but I just can’t keep living like this. It’s making me paranoid and neurotic
You are not a failure. Life is just messy and hard, and luck plays a big role. And who is to say your luck won’t change soon! Don’t give up — instead, figure out what inspires/makes you happy, and double down. There is a spark in you, it’s very clear — let that fuel you.
I really hope so. I badly need a bit of good luck right now
It’ll come your way! You just wait and see! I know this may sound a bit silly, but let go of any negative energy in your life and focus on the positive.
9 layoffs in the last 8 years? That alone is enough to destroy me! I have nothing to offer but the sincere ask to just keep pushing.
It’s even more than that if I include my time before SF. The recession really hit me hard
The tech industry is very stressful. If possible, take a break from it, and step back. Do you have families to stay with? Youbmight be comparing yourself with the cream if the crop. there are ppl who live paycheck to paycheck in the Bay area too. Don't be too harsh on yourself.
My family abandoned me a long time ago. I just have my partner
It's not uncommon for bad things to pile up. One bad thing happens, it destroys your confidence, and soon you get stuck in a loop where your lack of confidence leads to more bad events. I almost got stuck in such a loop earlier this year when I went to jail on a false allegation and nearly lost my job as a result. I can relate to the feelings of anxiety you have. Have you tried searching for meaning/purpose outside of the professional realm? Sometimes family or charity can be helpful here. Having purpose is more important to mental health than having comfort. Volunteering your time to help your community could be good for your own mental health. I realize it may not solve your professional problems, but it could give you that extra bit of confidence to break you out of the negative cycle. See if there's some way you can hit the reset button on life. I hope you make it through. I'm sorry for what you've gone through - it seems society mostly ignores the problems of this age group, especially if you're a male.
The biggest lie that you mustn’t believe is that you are alone. So often it feels that way but many of us here can relate, if not on the same type of events, at least on the premise that we have all experienced failure or a long string of failures. It’s undeniably difficult as a hope deferred can literally make the heart sick. Don’t give up friend. You are not alone. Don’t believe for a second that you are anything but amazing and worth every new day ahead. There is hope and dreams yet to be realized and we want to see you through them! Don’t delete and don’t give up!! ❤️
Amen 🙏
Layoffs are normal. I have seen 5 and got impacted by 2 of them in the last 5 years. Stop doing meds and start doing Coursera and leetcode and in a couple of years you'll be fine
Well I’m medically prescribed for meds and have a traumatic history that requires them. Having said that coursera/leetcode seems like an excellent idea. I enjoy learning things mostly.
You’ve got a life you can live, you’ve got a career in something you enjoy, you’ve got people that care about you, you’ve had a great many life experiences that have made you stronger. If you give up now, you give up forever. You’ve got to stop worrying about the what ifs, could haves, and if onlys. Your past is history, forget about it. Just take things one step at a time and before you know it, the mountain of misery will be history too.
My current job is hanging on by a thread and I’m honestly not enjoying this anymore. Looking to find something lower stress even if it means less pay.
Don’t delete please.