Dear Tesla owners

Oct 22, 2018 50 Comments

We all know why you bought one. It’s not about saving money on gas or saving the environment. It’s all about prestige. Just like FANG, it’s a status symbol.

But boy are they ugly. Tesla designer used to design Mazda, the ugliest of all and now he instilled the same face on Tesla. A Civic or Accord looks slicker than a Tesla.

But that’s not my point in this post. Your car is a dime in a dozen these days, at least in Bay Area and seattle.

But for f!?k sake, take care of your ugly car. Wash a little. Learn how to wax. Spend 20 bucks and buy carnauba wax from an auto shop and use your arm every three months.

Geez.

TC 450k, driving a Turbo. Not your kiddie battery powered Tesla. It takes an adult to drive a Turbo. If you don’t know what a Turbo is, look up in Google. But don’t forget to ask your momma to change your diaper first.

Happy Monday.

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TOP 50 Comments
  • Google / Eng Bluths
    Aren’t you insecure.
    Oct 22, 2018 1
    • Oracle Colorful
      OP
      Does it look like it? I am mostly pissed because you kids don’t take care of your car.
      Oct 22, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Oracle Colorful
      OP
      Do I? Right now there’s a few emails from recruiters from your precious fang sitting in my inbox. I don’t need to reply them.
      Oct 22, 2018
    • Uber bam2018
      Baller
      Oct 22, 2018
  • Wayfair addA30
    I have so many questions!

    What's a "Turbo"?

    Surely you're not driving an air intake pressurization system around. Seems like you're the one who doesn't know what a Turbo is.

    Are you jealous that you got burned at a stoplight by a car that doesn't burn dinosaur guts?

    Are you compensating for the fact that you work for a company that has no future?

    Do you have a micropenis?
    Oct 22, 2018 1
    • Oracle Colorful
      OP
      I drive a car worth 200k. My car goes zero to sixty in 2.7. Do I need to say more?

      I might not know how to write an iOS app. But I do know cars.
      Oct 22, 2018
  • Aurora bystander!
    Ma-man.. burn!
    TC and Turbo... Two-Ts in a tow!
    Oct 22, 2018 1
    • Google bobt2
      It's all about them TT's
      Oct 22, 2018
  • Microsoft UMbR31
    Let me guess, your turbo is rusted with Tesla owner's tears. Right?
    Oct 22, 2018 0
  • Google blind rox
    Hi
    Oct 22, 2018 1
    • Facebook 556
      OP is right. Eat shit, Tesla-turd!! /s
      Oct 22, 2018
  • Bank of The West / Consultant
    Taycan 🚗

    Bank of The West Consultant

    PRE
    Cisco, eBay, NetApp, VMware
    BIO
    ~$1
    Taycan 🚗more
    The post is hilarious and somewhat true, my suv needs to be replaced and I can’t find a good suv but the ugly looking mode X.

    Bay Area has so many that it lost the “prestige” OP states.

    I like gas cars but not a fan of turbo. I like the naturally aspirated engine which burns the fuel and gives you power.

    Tesla’s are nice but in 3-5 seconds you have nothing to do but watch the traffic on auto-pilot.

    :)
    Oct 22, 2018 4
    • Microsoft UMbR31
      But, how will you talk about it at the lunch table if you send emails from your desk like the other peasants...
      Oct 22, 2018
    • Bank of The West / Consultant
      Taycan 🚗

      Bank of The West Consultant

      PRE
      Cisco, eBay, NetApp, VMware
      BIO
      ~$1
      Taycan 🚗more
      I don’t send emails from desk :)
      I’m mobile and do have better things to talk about at lunch table but I get your point ... typical tech stuff
      Oct 22, 2018
  • Intel / Sales LastMan
    Totally bored at Oracle ???😂😂😀
    Oct 22, 2018 0
  • Apple FhpG28
    I get your point but why are you so pissed off? And what’s with ‘kiddie Tesla’ ? Do you also use Nokia 3300 instead of Android/iOS coz of kiddie battery ?
    Oct 22, 2018 2
    • Oracle Colorful
      OP
      I don’t like ugly cars. Hates even more when people neglect their cars.
      Oct 22, 2018
    • New BHLn28
      I hate op's ugly mom. hates even more when op neglects his mom
      Oct 22, 2018
  • Microsoft maverickk
    OP is smoking some good shit this Monday morning 🍻
    Oct 22, 2018 1
    • Oracle Colorful
      OP
      I do. It’s a sativa, called Girl Scout cookie flavor. You should try it.
      Oct 22, 2018

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