Drugged addicted brother

5d 21 Comments

I am living abroad and my brother is drug addicted and psychotic. He’s violent and he’s in his mid twenties living with my parents back home.

Family is in constant fear but they refuse to kick him out. I think he’s a lost cause. What can I do to help my parents? I don’t think my brother is saveable at this point. His addiction and craziness is getting worse.

They’ve called the cops many times due to fights and arguments. My parents are old they can’t take this anymore I want to help but I’m living so far away and haven’t lived with them in a long time since high school. I haven’t been a good son or brother.

What can I do to savage this situation?

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TOP 21 Comments
  • I myself was an addict exactly like your brother. Drained my parents, used heroin, slept under a bridge. The thing that finally got me clean was basically my parents abandoning me, as cruel as that sounds. They kicked me out of the house, filed a restraining order, and I slept under a bridge. Wouldn’t answer my calls, didn’t help me financially. They did make an offer to get me into rehab when I was ready. In a matter of months, I took that help. I’ve been sober for nearly 8 years.
    5d 3
    • Financial Service Company
      xLis38

      Financial Service Company

      xLis38
      Thank you for sharing
      5d
    • Square
      Tres_Comas

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      Tres_Comas
      Congrats on getting the help you needed. It's not easy. Addiction is a B and requires immense will to get the help necessary to move beyond it.

      It seems cruel to abandon an addict in your life, but it really is the only option. Hitting rock bottom is the necessary wake up call.

      Even then, there are many people who won't see it as a wake up call. But if hitting rock bottom doesn't motivate your family member to make changes, then there was nothing you could ever do to help them.
      4d
  • Square
    Tres_Comas

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    Tres_Comas
    I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Being abroad makes it so much harder to handle this problem.

    What is the health care situation like in your home country? Can your brother get help that won't bankrupt him or your parents?

    Ultimately, your parents need to distance themselves from your brother until he seeks help. If they keep supporting him and giving him money, he will have no motivation to make changes in his life.

    It's not easy to see a family member suffer with addiction. But the more you enable them, the less you're helping them.
    5d 4
    • Lynden Incorporated
      DFJz86

      Lynden Incorporated

      DFJz86
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      Seems that you understand quite well that you, nor your parents can help him if he doesn't want to help himself. That's 100% accurate. You need to either convince your parents of this or connect them with people who can. They need to realize what everyone will tell them, which is to stop enabling.
      5d
    • Yeah. You should convince your parents to cut him off or otherwise you might lose not only your brother but your parents as well.

      I was in a similar situation and can tell that everyone in my family including myself, we had different health issues because we couldn't stop worrying and also couldn't do anything to help. Any talking was useless.
      5d
  • Sorry to hear this. Is rehab for brother possible?
    5d 3
  • Lynden Incorporated
    DFJz86

    Lynden Incorporated

    DFJz86
    I've been through this. My sister started about 15 years ago, things haven't changed much. From what I've heard, she's still addicted. Lot of pain in the family and for herself.

    Lots of cops showing up in the middle of night asking for her location, random burglaries of my parents house when I was a kid getting my stuff stolen, the screaming, fighting, crying, it was hell.

    If it's really that severe, like physical dependence to an opioid for instance, and has been going on for years with no hope with rehab etc, then allowing him to stay might be just enabling. In my sister's case, it had gone too far, and speaking with multiple other families dealing with this, as well as multiple ex-addicts, there seems to be a common train of thought. They need to hit rock bottom and want to help themselves. It's a difficult decision, but we had to distance to not enable her (my parents are still understandably not the best at this). I haven't spoken to her once in over 10 years at least.

    She seems to be showing signs every now and then of attempts to getting better, but falls back into old habits and hasn't really broken out yet.

    It's really just a bad situation for all parties involved. Talk to professionals if you haven't already. Don't just take my advice, I'm just speaking from experience. Talk to real professionals.

    Sorry. Hope you all get through this ok.
    5d 0
  • Hospitalization, if possible.
    I would try to make sure he's not affecting your parents' life to as much extent as it's only possible in this case.
    If you haven't tried medical help don't give up on him just yet.
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