Ever Had Disagreements Where To Live?
I’m having a conflict with my spouse at the moment and curious if anyone else has had a similar issue... Spouse doesn’t work and loves Seattle area. Neither of us have family here. We’re having a kid soon. I work but am a little nervous being only breadwinner plus I struggle a lot with interviews. After having lived here for a bit, I’m indifferent to Seattle. I’m Canadian and think with the kid on the way, life might be easier and more stable at least for the first few years up north. Wouldn’t have to worry about health insurance. And depending on where we lived we could probably convert USD and buy a house with cash in Canada, so no mortgage either. And we could possibly locate in a smaller town so I would be closer in case of emergency. I have had some interviews with a promising well-funded startup in Canada. Been hating my current work and this company seems much more aligned to my interests. Spouse wants me to just stay at Microsoft and remain in Seattle area. Has anyone here had similar “where to live” disputes and how did you resolve them? Thanks. TC: ~$200k with SSA
What is it about Seattle that your spouse likes so much? These are emotional decisions, not just based on math. Try and understand their view and see if you can propose equivalent options in Canada.
Agree! Make a decision based on what your heart is telling you instead of just thinking with the numbers and pros and cons in mind. You can never convince your heart with what’s going on in your head!
I’ve tried understanding what she likes so much but she just likes it. I don’t think it is logical, I think it is emotional.
Does staying here grant your kid with dual citizenship? I'm guessing it would which could be quite convenient depending on spouse's nationality. If she is American then that really doesn't change even if you head north.
Wife is American so either way our child will have dual citizenship. She would just get Canadian PR instead of me having GC.
My spouse is Dutch and I am from India. We have similar issues. She wants to go back to Europe to give our kids better life security. She is a little paranoid about all the gun shootouts at schools etc (which I totally understand). Also according to her the work life balance and overall happiness is much better in her country. I don’t want to take the huge salary cut for it.
Stability of MSFT located in an area with a lot of other comparable jobs sounds better than a risky startup in a small town in Canada. You have a reasonable health insurance now, not free, but not outrageous either. And if things go really sour, you can go back to Canada anytime you want? The only argument for moving I can see is being near family willing to help with the baby. 🍆
It’s a startup in a suburb of Vancouver with offices in Calgary. My post was referring to being in a Vancouver suburb or Alberta.
And it is profitable and pre-IPO.
Assuming your spouse is American. Going to another country creates a great deal of anxiety and insecurity. In addition you have a good job at a stable international company. Your wife probably sees any change in the routine as very stressful. Plus she is pregnant which doesn’t help. I think taking a pregnant wife home to Canada is pretty selfish. Was moving there the plan or discussed? If not, you are in the wrong on this one. She probably assumed you would stay put in the USA.
We were originally going to move to BC then I got a job at Microsoft.
If you're indifferent to Seattle and she loves Seattle why wouldn't you try to find a job there that you like? I've got to imagine there are plenty of software jobs around the Seattle area, not just Microsoft. Also Seattle is a way bigger job market for Tech in Vancouver is. if security and providing your family is what you're worried about I would think Seattle is a much better location for that. I'm also curious what the concerns are with health care? Most people with white collar jobs have no problem getting Healthcare through their employer for their entire family and it's pretty reasonable.
pregnant means nesting instinct. stay put. give her stability.
Fair enough.
You and your spouse should be looking for each other's happiness and long term stability. Her concessions and willingness to let you go elsewhere should be tempered along your genuine degree of unhappiness at MS versus nearby opportunities. At the same time you should be willing to suck it up at work for stability up to a point. How unhappy are you? If you can stay who you are and be ok, then suck it up. If it's making you less of a person or long term bitter, you need to tell her. Or are you just antsy about a huge life change and trying to optimize and peruse hypothetically greener grass? I don't see mention of her family, friends, or other circumstances to want to stay in Seattle, nor is Seattle some oasis for great child rearing. Her impulse to stay might just be nesting and familiarity. That's a weak argument for long time scales. So there needs to be more than temporary comfort. Your TC bracket, you can get a relo package or just pay movers out of pocket. The family needs to be happy, not just instantaneous fractional ease.
Thanks for the response. I’ve tried to get more details on why she likes it here. If this particular position were in Seattle I would take it. Moving to Canada is IMHO a bonus (some would debate that of course) but even if the job were here in the US I would be pursuing it as well. It is a good fit. So yes I guess I am trying to find greener grass. Sure I can suck it up. Usually I do. I’m passive by nature. But when it comes to opportunities I feel are good for us, I get stubborn :).
Don't ever let your spouse dictate where you should work. Sounds like Canada is the place for you.
But uprooting spouse makes spouse miserable...
This is something you'll need to really talk to her on, and also think about whether this misery will be short term or long term. I'm not saying just ignore her and go to Canada, I'm just saying if you want to work somewhere else because you're not happy at Microsoft, your wife should respect that.