Feeling tired, stuck, confused, but still being Honest

New / Product
deking330

New Product

BIO
Sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes I don't. But I know when I don't. #awareness
deking330
Jan 19 13 Comments

hi all, I'm posting this with my best intention to share my experience & observations. I'm hoping to hear yours and make meaningful connections. This is NOT to induce judgments or negativities - there's a more suitable place for that #reddit

I feel tired, not just from covid but from working in tech in general.

I have been working in the Tech/FinTech space for 15+ years, as a PM, as a consultant, and even tried to launch my companies a couple of times. I have had my fair share of fun, frustration, and wealth being in the tech space.

What I observed in the tech space in the past 15 years:
1) the company (or the "mission") doesn't matter to your experience or growth, what matters is your immediate team & management, and how your value and your identity is being perceived by your team
2) your value != your pay; you can generate 3x growth for the company, but you will not get paid 3x just for that; you can get promoted 3x, but you may never make more than your boss
3) we are ALL overpaid, thanks to the tech business models, but we always want more; I remember making "6 figure" was a huge deal in the mid~late 2000s, nowadays it's a baseline.

I once liked and was excited for what I do, but more and more I realize that the Tech/Corporate lifestyle is teaching us to associate our career advancement (title, comp, growth) to our identity, very much in the same way how we develop our products - Engagement, Gratification, & Reward.

For 10+ years, I took career training, coaching, MBA, change jobs, advanced in the hierarchy, quadruple my comp, etc. I'd say I'm making steady progress. But all for what? I feel like I'm the Lebron James in tech: I can practice and get better each season, however, I'm still playing the same game & being evaluated by the same crowd. When I look at all the managements I've ever worked with (VPs, MDs, C-levels) who spent their entire life chasing after the spots they are in, I feel sad for them rather than admiring them. Their biggest joys in life are their kids, houses, Teslas, and the appraisals they got from the people under them. I don't want to become them.

I'm 40, single, no wife/kids. I feel like I still have the freedom and the opportunity to question the "why" I do what I do, where am I going with all this career advancement, what am I accumulating this "wealth" for, and till when?

In the tech space, I find it difficult to seek spiritual (or at least non-practical) connections or conversations with peers. If I were to ask people their "purpose of life", they'd recommend a therapist for me.

Have you wondered why you do what you do, are you truly happy, and what is the meaning of a career to you?

Thank you for reading.
Yours truly.

#life #health #purpose #growth #career #spiritual

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TOP 13 Comments
  • Veeva
    pmgenr

    Go to company page Veeva

    pmgenr
    TC or GTFo ;)
    Jan 19 1
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • New / Product
      deking330

      New Product

      BIO
      Sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes I don't. But I know when I don't. #awareness
      deking330
      OP
      thank you for the candid note. I feel for you and I can relate.

      My parents and I are immigrants to the US as well. Even though I came before my college years, I always felt the pressure and the fear of "not making it". Like many immigrants, without money/wealth, there is nothing we can default back to.

      I feel grateful for the money I can make and the comfort I can create for myself and my family. I just don't want the periodical comforts & dopamines to numb my pursuit for purpose.

      Stay curious.
      Jan 19
  • Google
    TonaldDump

    Go to company page Google

    TonaldDump
    Go out there and find the love of your life. There’s more to life than just work and money. It’s never too late for anything.
    Jan 19 1
    • New / Product
      deking330

      New Product

      BIO
      Sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes I don't. But I know when I don't. #awareness
      deking330
      OP
      thanks for the words. agreed there's a lot more life than just work/money. I wish I have spent a little more time seeking the purpose since the get-go, starting now.
      Jan 19
  • I'm tired too. I'm also extremely worried about what I'm going to do as I get older. As a software engineer who's not really interested in becoming a manager, I feel like I'll at some point get too old to fucking study leetcode like I'm in college. I like my job and building tech is exciting, but it seems like in order to make more you either have to grind something useless like leetcode for hours upon hours, or move into people management. And I would hate my life if I did the latter. I've looked around but it really doesn't seem like I could do something else and enjoy it as much. Sometimes I wonder if I'll just find a decent company and "retire" there. Only problem with that is that money leaves you behind.
    Jan 19 1
    • New / Product
      deking330

      New Product

      BIO
      Sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes I don't. But I know when I don't. #awareness
      deking330
      OP
      the age factor definitely makes me think more about the future and lifestyle.

      As a PM, my worst experience was to work with an EM who doesn't want or care about people management but was promoted to it nonetheless. The same goes with any role - people management isn't always a real indicator for advancement. I worked with PM managers/directors who would be farrrr better & healthier as an IC, but they chased after that title & $ and gave up their competency.

      I'd say for long-term decisions, do what your heart tells you, not your head. That's the only way without regret.
      Jan 20
  • New
    mxKj85

    New

    mxKj85
    Same. Can’t say this is how I hoped life would turn out. But, the thing I put the most energy into grew the most, so there’s that. Maybe after I FIRE I can put energy into a wife & family and have some success there, which might actually bring some real happiness. I know I never could have enjoyed family life at the expense of career, I would have regretted and resented it.
    Jan 19 1
    • New / Product
      deking330

      New Product

      BIO
      Sometimes I know what I'm doing, sometimes I don't. But I know when I don't. #awareness
      deking330
      OP
      thank you.
      family is very important to me. I don't know if I'd get married anytime soon or ever. I love the feeling to have someone else in life to contribute and share happiness, but I'd like to be truly happy solo first before inviting anyone into my life.
      now, talking about dating in tech...whew...
      Jan 19