Can anyone relate/advise? Why do I constantly feel incompetent at work, when talking to more senior people? I'm new to this team, but this was the case in previous teams too. I am very respected among people my level or below, and often get feedback I operate at a higher level. But with more senior managers I feel like they always look at me weird, and think I'm dump, and feel that I'm saying the wrong things. I'm definitely not a stupid person but somehow I find myself feeling like one very often. Not sure if I truly don't get it and really am incompetent. Sometimes I feel like it could be a cultural thing as most of these more senior people are American men, and I'm neither, so maybe have different way of thinking or communicating. My confidence is definitely getting knocked down. Not sure if I should just leave and try something else :/ No trolls pls.
Isn’t that the point of different levels of skill? You should have less experience than more senior people. If they are super rude to you, learn from them. Most likely they are confident and know fully well how to deal with a problem and carry it to completion, especially considering you’re new to the team. In a few years you’ll have the confidence to fully know the scope of your role and respond to more junior folk that makes you seem like a know it all because the reality is, you will know more than juniors just joining the team. You get respect from more junior folk, show some respect to more senior folk and learn from them.
Thanks for this comment @cope. I completely agree with your perspective. I just wish I would feel more like a learner than incompetent. I try to not say anything unless I know what I'm talking about, or ask/propose instead of making statements. Maybe I should just change my mindset
I think it’s better to ask questions and look risk looking silly; at worst it just hurts your ego but at best, you mentally harden yourself to deal with people who know more than you. It’s hard but it mentally hardens you and you end up learning. FWIW I think most people who join any new team, regardless of experience, tend to feel ignorant relative to people who have been on the team longer. Even seniors of who 20 yoe can feel inadequate when joining a new team. You’re doing fine!
Are they really condescending you or judging you? Could it be your anxiety causing you to misinterpret a neutral conversation as you being incompetent? Not sure if you do this, but One of the things that I notice (negatively) is people who are afraid to say “I don’t know”. Sometimes people really don’t know the answer, but instead of saying “I don’t know, I’ll do some extra work to find out”, they’ll start telling digressing from the topic at hand. A fear of “I don’t know” can cause this feeling of incompetence.
I don't think they are rude, so I wouldn't use condescending or judging. It could be my anxiety, yes (and that probably is a part of it) - but tbh I do think they really do think I am incompetent or say the wrong things. That's why I thought maybe there's a language barrier or something else regarding my communication/perception. For example, I met my skip manager, to get his thoughts on my area of ownership. Left the meeting feeling like he found my questions very basic and was not at all impressed with how I carried myself. Not sure where it went wrong though, it was my first chat on this topic. I know what you mean re "I don't know" but don't recall doing that often.
I believe a lot of it is setting realistic expectations of yourself. In the story about your skip, maybe you weren’t prepared for that chat, which is fine (once). You now know what to expect so you can have more productive chats. That isn’t a failure, that’s just learning. Ruminating over not having executed perfectly the first time isn’t productive. Try to do less of that? :)
It’s hard to put your finger on why, but talking to senior managers and execs will always feel different. Don’t worry - as with most hard things, it gets easier with practice. Execs dislike ambiguity and like conviction. Speak with conviction, even if it’s to say you don’t know something. Finally, be prepared. The night before, try answering a few potential questions from execs out loud. Practice and be prepared and give it time.
Your English skills seem a bit off, I would advise to work on that. (English is not my first language too)
Really? That's interesting, 99% of the people don't even realize I'm not American. When I mentioned a language barrier I meant more as a way of communicating ideas in the "right way". Good to know though.
For example in first sentence you use comma before when. That means you pause when talking where comma is. I just can't imagine how would that even sound. Again, I'm worst person to advise on this.
Are you a product manager? Could even be a role thing. Don’t worry about these frills, just put your head down and focus on delivering results and things will work out great for you in the long run. Interaction with senior leadership is an acquired skill that comes with experience and knowing what you’re talking about through subject matter expertise
Yea, I'm a product manager. I agree that being in a very new space now is making it harder, but even in my previous team when I was very very knowledgeable I still got the same feeling. As I'm writing this I realize it was mostly as soon as my manager changed (to an American guy). Maybe that's the thing. Don't want to use this as a cop out for myself though.