Fertility Journey during the Pandemic..

I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 13 and have been battling it ever since. I had never really worried much about it , till the time came to plan my pregnancy. So the moment we decided to plan for pregnancy, we went straight to an Ob-Gyn to get my pre-pregnancy checkup done as well to discuss complications if any due to my condition. She recommended a couple of hormonal tests to be done and the results showed that I had a high FSH level due to which I was not ovulating as expected. Ever since, it’s been a month on month journey of tracking my ovulation either naturally or via a follicular study and trying for conception at the time of ovulation.

--> Infertility and Mental Health :

So my Ob-Gyn was very chilled out and told me this is a common thing and can be easily treated considering my age. Of course, like every other woman out there , this motivation did not suffice and I had this insufferable need to be validated by our dear Lady Internet and guess what the Internet told me? YOU ARE INFERTILE ! Yes, that’s exactly what several links suggest when you mention your ovulation issue. Now for a girl with absolutely no medical knowledge, the term “Infertility” colloquially does not really give the motivation you want. I was devastated and I went through so many different websites looking for life style changes and supplements to be taken. But people, I am telling you, infertility is a very overrated word and the stress induced by it is actually the primary cause for many people out there finding it difficult to conceive. Do not get stressed out! Trust your body and be healthy and positive always.

--> Stress and Pseudo pregnancy :

You might be wondering what this Pseudo pregnancy is. I will share another experience of mine here. So the first month I went for follicular study and I saw that I ovulated and saw a nice egg rounding up, I thought this was it, this month is my month! As I neared my period, I was extremely excited and started feeling differences in my body. Of course I had referred Lady Internet for Pregnancy symptoms long before and I started experiencing the exact same ones. I was late and I was so excited and took a HPT, ended up getting negative. I assumed it was a false negative and took one more and one more and one more. After 15 days and 30 tests later, I was super worried because I knew I ovulated but I did not get my period and I am not pregnant as well. Wanna hear a shocking information? Lady Internet did not have an answer for this. I checked with the Ob-Gyn and that’s when I heard the term pseudo pregnancy. Apparently that was what I was experiencing. Now pseudo pregnancy is basically the conviction that you are pregnant even when medical evidence suggests otherwise. You actually experience all the symptoms including expansion of your abdomen and even 1% of the people experience false labor. (One cannot fathom the wonders which human body and mind is capable of).

Now when the doctor explained this, I realized I had to quit thinking about this and I did. And it still took 3 months for me to get my periods. This was a very big lesson learnt. The more stress I take, the more I fail my body and mind. Since then I have been trying to keep myself occupied and stress free and again just trusting my body. Sometimes , I connect with other women trying to conceive and listen to their experiences via the Flo app. Sometimes it was soothing , but sometimes it caused stress as well and so I have refrained from doing that as well. But do whatever works for y’all.

--> Covid 19 and Pregnancy planning :

Now my main idea for this blog was to highlight the changes which this Pandemic has caused in my Pregnancy planning journey.

1. Initially when I was treating my imbalanced hormones I was under the birth control pill for almost 6 months. When the end of 6 months came and I was hoping to start the conception process, my doctor suggested to continue being on the pill for atleast another 2 months because the covid effects on pregnancy was not completely defined during that time and it was better not to take risk. And I cant help wondering till now, what if those two months were my time and I missed it.

2. After I started getting treated for conception, listening to all the stories around me about how pregnant women and the babies are getting affected made me apprehensive and scared of getting pregnant during this unpredictable time. This again started causing me stress which was very hard to control.

3. When the vaccines came out, I was apprehensive of taking the vaccines because I am not supposed to try to conceive till I finish both my doses. Also since my body now works only on hormonal medications , I was scared of the side effects of the vaccine on the medicine.

But I discussed with my doctor on all the above points and then went ahead and got vaccinated without stopping my medication. There have been no side effects and I am waiting for my second dose to be done. Meanwhile I have taken this time to do a few lifestyle changes including diet and exercising. This pandemic work from home process has given me an opportunity to allocate time for self care as well as focusing on my health and helped me get into a positive mode.

--> Final thoughts..

I know this is a very stressful period for everyone and even I hate the fact that my body completely depends on medicines to ensure that it enters each menstrual phase at the appropriate times . But I would also say that this journey is a beautiful one which makes you aware of your body and helps you embrace all its virtues and vices . . I would suggest everyone trying to conceive, to take some time for themselves, take a break sometime and concentrate on your mental health, get off stress and then continue trying. I am still waiting for that day where I see a positive HPT and even more excited for the day I see tiny limbs clutching my fingers and tiny eyes staring back at me. I am confident that day will arrive and I also wish all wannabe parents out there INFINITE BABY DUST!

#mentalhealth #infertility #covid19 #pandemic