So we've been dating for over three years and have had our ups and downs but recently I've started feeling like the juice just isn't worth the squeeze. I've started focusing more on my future and career while she's just kinda stagnated. Because I'm busting my ass pulling long hours in and out of work and not instantly answering her texts or talking to her during the day she suspects me of cheating even though I've given her concrete proof that it's impossible. If anything I suspect that might be what she's doing since she has a lot more free time than me. If my TC wasn't so trash I'd suspect she only stays around because she wants a meal ticket since she's brought up marriage multiple times and seems to be seriously considering it. We're both in our mid 20s but she still lives with her parents and acts like an overgrown teenager who only cares about getting fucked up and hanging out with her friends who are also going nowhere. I used to be all for doing that when we first met but have come to realize it's fundamentally incompatible with what I want out of life and has been interesting me less and less as I've gotten older. In return she says I've become "boring". I still like her as a person but it's kinda hard to relate to somebody who no longer shares the same goals and priorities. She's made some progress but I can't help feeling like I could do better or even that I'd be better off just not in a super deep relationship right now. Should I Leetcode my other options and leave?
she sounds like a keeper
🤔
She shouldn't be dating you
Explain further
Because you are behaving like a child
If you couldn't infer from the post, she wants more attention than is reasonable for somebody with adult priorities and someone who will enable her rather than call her out on her immaturity. I try to be the best boyfriend I can be to her when I do see her and give her plenty of support and affection.
Ur blinded dude. Wake the fuck up. I've been there and glad I ended things, I'm with a new girl now who doesn't put me through this kind of shit. Wake up bro
+1 to leetcode . Also what's your tc?
Dump her. If u ever want her type back just go to any college campus and get with the nearest one. They're a dime a dozen.
What about a fresh start in a new city? New job new girlfriend etc? If I was 25 and in tech I’d be in Austin in a heartbeat. Also if she’s accusing you of cheating she’s absolutely cheating on you. Going out and getting fucked up with her friends on a “girls night out” means she’s absolutely done some shit behind your back. Life is too short to be unhappy.
you sound exasperated and resentful. 🤔 you assume that because she brings up marriage she wants a meal ticket!? what about that she wants to build a life with you? omg I would be fucking pissed and laugh if a boyfriend ever said this to me. since you only have 2 YOE you’re probably young and in your 20s. There’s a book called “the defining decade”, maybe buy this for her and read it with her. You are taking the good responsible path and she is not and this book is exactly about those issues of people in their 20s. I’m reading it now, it’s enlightening. There’s a chapter on relationships that you guys may like.
So it's ok for a woman to be a freeloader? They aren't even living together after 3 years... And now the accusations began about cheating and in parallel, she wants to marry. Would you want to marry someone who you're absolutely sure cheats on you?
I never said that it’s okay for a partner to be a freeloader. I pointed out that he was assuming that’s why she brought up marriage. He is not absolutely sure of cheating. This sounds like a concern of his, with no evidence mentioned.
Main problem isn’t the marriage, it’s the substance abuse problems. This can absolutely destroy her physically and mentally, and it can destroy you as well. You grew up. She didn’t. You need to have a talk with her and ask her where her life is going. Also — her constantly accusing you of cheating is worrying. This is a huge accusation and if there’s no trust so early in the relationship, you have some big red flags here. (It’s possible that she cheats on you as someone mentioned above but you have no evidence so far.)
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Please vote sensibly 🙏
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Are we buying the f’n dip?
“We're both in our mid 20s but she still lives with her parents and acts like an overgrown teenager who only cares about getting fucked up and hanging out with her friends who are also going nowhere.” Those are all red flags, especially the drugs or alcohol. Time to cut your losses and move on.