Got passed over for promotion
Just got told my coworker will get promoted and will become my boss (I might get promoted too in 6 months but on an IC track). Feeling bummed. Happy for them but can't stop feeling jealous and disappointed...I am 10 years older but same # years in role. This likely means I won't make it to a people manager role any time soon which is what I want next. How do I get over this? TC: 350k YoE: 13
This happens to all of us and the first instinct is to always want to rage and quit. Extremely frustrating I know. It’s one of those things you just gotta absorb for now but be open to other opportunities if they come around.
Feeling bummed because this seems to happen everywhere I go which means may be the issue is me ...always seem to move up only via moving jobs. One issue is that Ive switched industry and role a lot so hard to have the level of depth in a role + industry combo.
Happens all the time. Ask me. Was a people manager. Decided to be an IC and ended up being layered by people of my level. I feel sad but it is what it is.
Why did you move back to IC? Since you don't like it are you doing anything about it? I feel like I need a solid plan or I'll get depressed and plateau or worse degrade
I moved to code. And there are other reasons which ceased to be helpful after I moved.
Do you have someone who can be brutal to you and show the mirror or point out exact problem? He should know you well but not a friend. I had a team mate/friend who was in exact position but could not give feedback because I know it will hurt him.
OP, most managers I know are not very good at providing clear feedback on why you lost out. Once you get over the dejection, think hard about where you need to grow and if possible, seek feedback from someone who will be brutally honest with you. Till you figure out what the problem is, you won’t be able to do anything about it.
It's ok, it happens all the time. Only thing, you can do is improve yourself, and once you know for sure you are at that stage either ask for promo, or switch. It's all about know your worth. It's ok to admit defeat, but come back better and stronger. Also, in tech age doesn't matter. You should forget about age factor, and compare your work skills, to managerial tasks, to social skills. Everything matters.
Thanks, yeah, need to focus on improvement...feel like I am missing something but don't know what
Time to self-reflect then? Maybe you know everything, maybe you know nothing, maybe you are missing that 1 thing. Only you can answer that. Take some time off, and try thinking for a day, plan your next 5 years (realistic/ambitious), then divide them into sub-goals which will help you achieve it. Along the way, as you accomplish those small goals, give yourself a treat for that.