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Recently lost one of my parent to cancer. I used to believe that I am emtionally careless and will be able to get over it. But it has been the most difficult thing to deal with. I developed chest and rib cage pain during their treatment which was just a down slope. The pain has persisted over months. Saw a doctor which ran x-rays and said everything is fine and it is a psychological issue. Just thinking about them makes me feel suffocated and short breath. Stopping myself from crying makes my throat to block and I feel like I am choking. I havent been able to sleep in nights after they passed away. When i close my eyes all i see is their face in ICU, the hundreds of pipes connected to them, the day after day of bad news which doctors gave after their surgery. If i fall asleep for a while then its filled with bad dreams. I hope no one else experienced this here but if someone did then how did you cope up? What helps and what not? I dont want to take aid of any sleep medications. White noise/calm music should have helped but its something I used to play for them in their last days so turning it on just make it worse. #cancersucks
My dad died of pancreatic cancer 20 years ago, I remember these helpless feelings all too well. I was my dad’s caregiver! My sadness manifested itself physically, too, in the form of a bad psoriasis flare that lasted for a year. The passage of time is the only thing that truly helps. But that leaves you slowly moving through time in a numbed state of WTF and extreme sadness. It seems to me like you are tired of this state and are ready to get out of it. Here is what I did to get back to “life”: 1) I acknowledged to myself that it was ok to miss my dad but I needed to start getting it together. 2) I practiced self care. I would do things like long soaks in a tub of Epsom salts with a book and a single beer, a walk around the block a few times a day just to feel the sun in my face, a friend offered to babysit while I went to get a massage, lots of deep breathing exercises to deal with my panicked feelings, yoga in my living room. 3) The passage of time. Eventually I took my daughter to the beach and the psoriasis cleared up in a month. That was a great day! I promise you with time, acknowledgment of your pain, forgiving yourself for feeling so bad, and some soothing self care, you’ll begin to feel better. Edit to add: here’s a hug for you, I understand you and want to give you comfort.
This is the truth. Time is really all that makes it feel less painful. Grief and loss can be completely disorienting. And it will probably always hurt, but at least it gets less painful and you eventually stop thinking about it every minute of the day. It’s been 12 years for me and It still hurts. The wrong scene in a movie or news story will still set me off crying. I’m even getting a lump in my throat writing this. But I’m able to live my life and be happy, too. Be kind to yourself and know that it gets easier, but you’re going to have to go through it to get there, and sometimes that takes a while.
I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. I’d suggest you seek out professional help - even if it’s for a short while. Emotional stress can imbalance our neurotransmitters and sometimes you need external help to get you back on track. Talk to your close friends, partners - and share what you’re feeling.. I hope you get through this difficult phase.
Lost my mother to terminal cancer. She was young, and I always assumed she was healthy and fit. How foolish of me, and guilt sweeps over me when I think I could have taken her for regular health check ups. I was beside her, during her last night in hospice. That face in that moment, just can't forget. Left a deep deep scar inside me. I went weeks straight without eating and sleeping, just couldn't hold myself up. I slowly accepted the reality. I accepted the fact, just a little peaceful to think they are no longer in pain and safe somewhere. If you are spiritual, faith in higher power helps a lot, go on a solo travel, think of all the happy moments with them and most importantly no one is permanent here. Just hang on, don't force yourself to get over it, let the grieving process happen naturally. One day at a time, and you will be fine! DM me if you need a talk.
Give yourself some time. I lost my mom for cancer too. The first 2 years, I dreamt of her almost every night. Sometimes, it hurt so much that I couldn't even cry nor breath. It's normal to feel lost and guilty. It will get better with time
Awwwwww,OP. Hugs to you. So very sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is very, very emotionally scarring. It's as if a part of your being, your soul is gone forever. For some the grieving period is longer. Just my thought - I really don't think anyone recovers from this kind of loss. As time goes by, you just get better at coping with the profound grief and it is no longer all consuming. Even after years , there will be good and bad days. And that is OK! Self-care is important. A lot of times self care comes with guilt. It does NOT mean you are not emotionally unaffected. Therapy- talk to a therapist if you need to. It did help my ex a lot. Connect with nature - it is good for your soul and body. Nature has a lot of healing abilities in her own ways. Meditate - it's not going to easy initially, but you will realize its power over time. Volunteer- it's very cliche- but it does feel good to do good! Do you have a pet by any chance, OP? Spend more time doing activities with your pet.Pets are great for emotional and mental wellbeing. It sounds impossible now but with time, the rawness of the loss decreases. You will also remember and cherish more of the happier moments. Hang in there! If you need someone to just talk to, DM me.
Very sorry for your loss, OP. There is no one size fits all for this, as you may already be aware. Take it one day, one week at a time. respect your emotions and acknowledge them. There is no need to feel guilty about having them. Let it overwhelm you, but once it passes, and yes it will pass, you will have some peace. It is true that time heals everyone and everything. It just varies for everyone, from weeks to years. Take care.
I lost my mum 3 years ago to ovarian cancer , since then I left my home country to pursue MS in USA and just graduated in December, I feel no happiness or real joy if I achieve something. That driving force is Missing from my life.once I was an top athelet I'm my country and also a coach in the university(USA), once I was fearless , confident. Now I think 1000 times before I do anything , lack of believe in myself. After mum passed away I studied for GRE, applied to USA's universities , then I had to go through immigration for 4 times to achieve F1 Visa , Now having recently finished MS in HCI ,I moved to SF for a job hunt and thought finally I can make my family proud, but !!!!!! f_&_k!!!!!!! due to corona everything seems to be frozen , very less Interview calls. I have kept one of my shirt preserved because my mum ironed it 3 years ago , and I thought I will wear that shirt at my convocation ceremony , but I skipped my convocation to be in SF and though convocation is not important front of a job. I can understand your pain , bit can't give any advised because I am still searching for it
Same here
Don't take it as a joke. But only Allah Almighty can heal you, he created life and death to test us in this world. The thing you are going through maybe one of roughest thing that may have happened to you. Believe in power of Allah and read Qur'an. Dm me I can send you a physical copy
Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Al-Hadid (57:20) اعْلَمُوا أَنَّمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِي الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَوْلَادِ ۖ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ الْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَاهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَامًا ۖ وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِنَ اللَّهِ وَرِضْوَانٌ ۚ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ Know that the life of this world is nothing but play and pastime, and adornment, and boasting amongst yourselves, and the desire to surpass each other in wealth and children; like the rain the produce of which pleased the farmer, then dried so you see it yellow, and then turned into dry trampled hay; and in the Hereafter is a severe punishment, and the forgiveness from Allah and His pleasure; and the life of this world is nothing but counterfeit wealth.
“Holy” Quran 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Holy shit... I'm so so sorry.