How to deal with father-in-law?

Global Data Systems / IT
AWSNow

Global Data Systems IT

AWSNow
4d 57 Comments

I’m American, my wife is southeast Asian. This isn’t really a cultural issue, but want to set the stage.

My wife has mentioned how I don’t really care about my father in law or brothers back home. Her mom is here in the US, and while I’m not perfect, I have offered to take care of her, let her life with us in the past, etc. if my wife wanted me to take care of her forever I would drop everything for it. She’s a great person.

My wife does an excellent job with my family (who live in the same city as us) so her point is absolutely valid.

But her father and brothers are a different story. Her dad is a cheater, gambler, possible sexual abuser. I don’t tell my wife but I have zero respect for him. He’s incredibly demanding, always wants stuff from my wife. It’s not even a cultural issue, I just don’t want him to have anything. Her brothers are lazy, refuse to work, and let their mother send them money home. It’s seriously a joke.

How should I approach this? My wife doesn’t work. I suppose I could start with easy stuff like birthdays and holidays and send them gift cards.

Thanks in advance!

TC: $280K

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TOP 57 Comments
  • That would be a very slippery slope my friend.
    4d 6
  • Boundaries…..you married her, not her whole family. You should have sat down with her to discuss cultural expectations before marrying her.
    4d 5
    • Twitter
      bunnyboile

      Go to company page Twitter

      bunnyboile
      Meta if they wanted “Asian culture” they should’ve married their daughter off to an Asian man.

      She’s married an American in the west and her grifter parents need to adjust expectations. Or she could get a job herself? I would never support my able bodied in laws who didn’t bother to work?

      Good People in dire need are a different story. This family js just greedy
      4d
    • Global Data Systems / IT
      AWSNow

      Global Data Systems IT

      AWSNow
      OP
      Yes, exactly. Not to mention before I was working at Amazon, my FIL apparently sold his house for like $800K. He has plenty of money. Sorry, this is not a charity.
      4d
  • SAP
    unDERPAid🧜🏼‍♂️

    Go to company page SAP

    unDERPAid🧜🏼‍♂️
    Her dad is a:
    1. Gambler
    2. Cheater
    3. Abuser(Sexual)

    Gambling is not a crime in the US.
    Paid sex is not a crime in the US.
    Sexual abuser - this looks like your imagination.

    May be you need to stop judging people as well.

    Personally I see a lot of allegations than facts.
    4d 7
    • SAP
      unDERPAid🧜🏼‍♂️

      Go to company page SAP

      unDERPAid🧜🏼‍♂️
      I have an intuition that she needs to get away from you asap.

      If you really think you’re right assuming you’re right as we don’t know you - you need to go to civil court to sort things out.
      4d
    • Google / Eng
      Djatah

      Go to company page Google Eng

      Djatah
      Even if his FIL was an angel, and BILs self made entrepreneurs, he's not required to support them financially.
      4d
  • Red Hat
    t💭cloud101

    Go to company page Red Hat

    t💭cloud101
    Never ever lend money 💰 to relatives , be ready to face the never ending requests from them, they take it as if it’s their right to keep getting money from you !

    Set the boundaries straight!
    4d 5
  • Twitter
    bunnyboile

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    bunnyboile
    Lol This is such a typical story for white men marrying Asian women with family back home (and yes I am Asian and a woman myself)

    Be careful
    4d 2
    • Global Data Systems / IT
      AWSNow

      Global Data Systems IT

      AWSNow
      OP
      Yeah. The good news is my wife doesn’t really push hard on it. I really think she cares about the relationship with them more than the money.

      I’ve made it pretty clear to her: would you like to live a lower lifestyle to “send money back home” and she’s like hell no lol
      4d
    • Twitter
      bunnyboile

      Go to company page Twitter

      bunnyboile
      Yeah it’s tough, again if they were sick or starving that’d be one thing but this is just … no
      4d