Husband and wife TC gap and age gap

Jul 22, 2019 589 Comments

Blind community, what’s your fair opinion review based on the scenario?

H: current 180k base + 25k bonus, engineer role, yoe 15, master degree
W: current 100k base + 10k bonus, IT Support role, yoe 3 (previous background: 7 yoe banking retail, 4 employment gap due to raising kids while studied MBA/MIS, undergrad business, re-entered In 2016 in software support, YR 1 TC, 60k

Age gap H>W 15 Y

Have been Stressful in argument and fights, when topic leads to TC, 100k is not considered as a contributing spouse because it is too little in the Bay. Feel insulting and gender inequality with this huge age gap.

What’s wrong here? What do you have to say?

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TOP 589 Comments
  • 15 years age gap
    Man she might have got a better sugar daddy with better tc
    Jul 22, 2019 12
    • Splunk / Eng ImaRainbow
      Chinesehacker, your comment makes no sense. A marriage can start out as equal TC, but a handful of years later it’s inevitable that careers will diverge—one will be more successful than the other in terms of dollars. Measuring people’s worth in family or social settings by their workplace comp is a sure route to conflict & unhappiness.
      Jul 25, 2019
    • Uber / Eng fomo
      Finding equal tc in marriage is absurd and stupid. The goal of marriage is to find an equally loving soul
      Jul 26, 2019
  • Amazon / Eng @>_
    What the fuck does TC have to do with anything? Husband sounds like a massive shitbag.
    Jul 23, 2019 23
    • Amazon / Eng @>_
      >"I bring in the money to buy the car and the gas, you go pick up the kids" "you actually go out and buy the groceries, I will pay for them" these aren't problematic to me, the opposite actually to me, they are fair.

      If people were paid based on how hard and long they work, sure. But considering that many jobs with long, stressful hours pay shit and many easy, laid back jobs pay well that clearly isn't true. Chores should be divided by energy and time available, not how much money you contribute.

      >I don't understanding why you wish to downplay the importance of providing money in the relationship.

      Because it's treating your partner like an employee. "Hey, I know you're just as tired as I am from work, but I arbitrarily get paid more. Pls run errands and clean servant" is kind of how it comes off. I couldn't imagine telling my partner to do more chores just because I make more. If it was that important to me not to do work like a pleb I'd hire people, not force it on my partner as if their only other value is the money they generate.
      Jul 26, 2019
    • Amazon / Eng Brad ley
      Seems like our disagreement goes really deep, down to a fundamental level of value of work. it appears to me that youre a believer of labour theory of value, and I just can't get behind that.

      And it's not treating your partner like an employee, it's giving them the respect of being equal in their capacity to contribute to the family
      Jul 26, 2019
  • Facebook veVX74
    I'm not sure what husband is complaining about. 100k seems good for 3yoe and non eng role
    Jul 22, 2019 3
    • Oracle / Mgmt aiabc
      It’s always the grass is greener on other sides , wife is a teacher , she earns way way lesser in Bay Area ... luckily we can survive based on my tc ... there are other things to life other than TC
      Jul 25, 2019
    • Microsoft Queasy
      I thought the wife is the one complaining!
      Jul 26, 2019
  • Oracle / R&D TLead
    For starters, if you want a relationship then don’t talk about TC. Secondly, if you want to date or marry someone just for TC, then it’s not a relationship.
    Jul 22, 2019 28
    • Yelp tuyw233
      You don’t need to buy house right away. You are pretty young instead enjoy your time, travel a lot and have fun before buying house
      Aug 4, 2019
    • Facebook BeingCoder
      @mafiaa why would you assume that?
      Aug 4, 2019
  • “4 year employment gap due to raising kids”

    Ok, ok, FUCK this husband. Wife takes 4 years off to raise his kids and gets rewarded with “durr hurr your TC is not high enough.”

    When his is only a little higher with 15 YOE.

    If anything you could b!tch about HIS TC when people with 15 YOE are making 500k+.

    She did her job, now you do your motherfucking job.
    Jul 23, 2019 8
    • Microsoft pJcW86
      "MBA degree should have landed me much further than the starter pay TC 60k in 2016. "

      He needs to get out of his fucking tech bubble 60k -> 100k in a few years (with a kid that you are likely shouldering the burden) *IS* high pay even though the start isn't that high. Your TC has more potential to be higher than his 15yr 180k which is likely his ceiling unless he man's up and switches to a new company instead of turn into a whiny 180k dev.
      Jul 25, 2019
    • Ellie Mae aha-aha
      OP
      Microsoft why you think 180k is his ceiling? Inputs?

      Yes I thought initially finishing degree is done. Never ending study! Lol.. I did take many courses for continue education during the past 2 jobs since 2016. I guess the effort has been paid out, at least for now I am happy with my job. But just Sf commute Sucks!
      Jul 25, 2019
  • Medallia Maximus8
    100k with 3 yrs is pretty good compared to 180k for 15 yrs. wifey spending 4 years raising kids is worth more than any tc in market. Are u husband or wife?
    Jul 22, 2019 8
    • Ellie Mae aha-aha
      OP
      Tibco- thanks for the inputs. You are right it is not where to live or ceiling of TC. We probably outgrow each other and other critical issue I d have to figure out
      Jul 23, 2019
    • Amazon SysRq
      Learn to code and dump him lol. 180k for 15 yoe is just sad.
      Jul 25, 2019
  • Oracle djjdhbw
    H: 430K, 6 YOE, W: 170K, 2.5 YOE
    Jul 22, 2019 6
    • Amazon / Product Ftes
      TC or GTFO
      Jul 25, 2019
    • Qualcomm / Eng parrotcork
      I like this guy To the point !
      Jul 25, 2019
  • Salesforce 1confusion
    TC shouldn’t even come up. We talk about “our” earnings and “our” expenses, irrespective of who pays
    Jul 22, 2019 1
    • Altria / Data Kthak
      OP read this again and if you don't understand read this post till you do.
      Jul 25, 2019
  • LinkedIn / Eng phatman
    I'm sorry but you have a very shitty husband
    Jul 22, 2019 2
    • Google
      plmnkoijbb

      Google

      BIO
      Curiouser
      plmnkoijbbmore
      Agreed....
      Jul 25, 2019
    • Amazon fvXy65
      Also agree
      Jul 26, 2019
  • GoDaddy / Eng
    gd-ms

    GoDaddy Eng

    PRE
    Lyft, GoDaddy
    gd-msmore
    My TC: 400K, my wife's: 100k. I want to be a at home dad and my wife is way smarter than I am. Love and respect are essential for a relationship. Raising and nourishing kids are you both's responsibility. You do something that he is probably totally incapable of doing, work and take care of kids. Be proud of yourself.
    Jul 25, 2019 3
    • FedEx PISE61
      Omg this guy is a idiot 1 million dollars wouldn’t be enough to trade for my time with children. Pay someone else to raise your children you are a fool blinded by money.
      Jul 25, 2019
    • LinkedIn beotbtys
      Raising children is not the same thing as spending time with them. Sending kids to daycare is great for socializing them, even if you are a stay at home parent! Important for them to build social skills and social circles at a young age!

      It’s not binary. You can still have one spouse work 3 days a week. Or negotiate 4x10, so many more solutions than work or not.
      Jul 25, 2019

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