I don't know how to get out of this :(

Juniper
holy_moly_

Go to company page Juniper

holy_moly_
7d 21 Comments

I don't know if I will be able to.
I am at a point where I am not happy with anything going on in my life.
Maybe I am demanding too much, I don't really know.
I no longer feel a bond with anyone around me, I have lost that with my family, friends, and colleagues and slowly losing them with that. I am second-guessing everything I do, and everyone's intentions.

I have tried to focus on every sort of indoor/outdoor activity that I enjoy doing but I keep going back to that state where I just feel trapped, alone, confused, and helpless.
I feel like I am slowly losing everything - physical and mental health - friends family - happiness - and sanity and I am not ready for even the next few years of my life.

The only time that I am able to share these feelings is when I am smoking.
Yes, that is the only disgusting thing that I have managed to be consistent at and yes this started recently. But please don't tell me to stop because I don't know how to put my problems into words without that.

I read about FMLA recently and I have thought about that multiple times, and sometimes I think that it might be a way out of all this(or maybe it becomes worse. Just thinking about those possibilities is also difficult). I haven't even mentioned all this to my therapist yet because I struggle with making any sort of requests/demands, I don't know when to stop and take breaks, I don't know how to not let one bad thing ruin all others, I don't know when to say yes/no, I don't know if I deserve anything. I read about the giver - taker - matcher thing recently and to me, it just feels like there are too many things around me that are taking everything from me.

Will be starting to volunteer at a place regularly soon. Hopefully that turns out well :)

Sorry that was a lot. I just had to write it.

#mentalhealth #depression #burnout

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TOP 21 Comments
  • imec / R&D
    upi

    imec R&D

    upi
    Listen to you tube lectures of Prof Jordan Peterson.
    7d 4
  • Amazon
    jkggdr

    Go to company page Amazon

    jkggdr
    When my mom died, Dad had cancer and along with my divorce, I felt like going away with my mom. Had no interest in anything. Plus I was in the most hellish job in a hellish company. If I don't work long hours I will be sacked and have to leave the country. I grew up in a slum back in India. So after reaching here, going back without anything after all the blood sweat and tears felt devastating.
    It was like being in solitary confinement out in the open but I can only trace the same path day in and day out.
    Felt like I had a brain hemorrhage too at one point.

    Fast forward 7 years. I have never been happier in life. My wife and my son are the angels in my life. I am financially secure. Even if I have to go back to India for good I can retire. What changed the most? Circumstances.

    Once you hit rock bottom the only way remaining is up.

    One tip: meditate
    6d 1
  • Google
    gnoogler

    Go to company page Google

    gnoogler
    Do yourself a favor and do following:
    0. Go for a 1 hour long run/walk immediately. Do not carry your phone or any screen or any digital watch/etc with you.
    1. Talk a psychologist/ mental health coach. Your company should be covering that.

    2. Go for 10 day course of Vipassana meditation - dhamma.org. This is free, has worked for me and I am quite certain it will work for you.
    6d 0
  • What you are feeling is normal. I went through it as well. Biggest advice I have is to just slow down and enjoy what you have. This rat race and trying to reach society “success” is hard mentally and I’m at fault at that as well. But slow down, be humble, and be proud of yourself.

    Also, I started to smoke weed and it really helped. I had my first breakdown just last month, and I realized I was so hard on myself. You will get through it and you are not alone .
    7d 0
  • Financial Services Company
    ligervo

    Financial Services Company

    ligervo
    You're anonymous here.

    Show us an itemized list of what things in life you're unhappy about and what you're demanding from life.

    It's easier to understand you when we have examples.

    Feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to.
    7d 2
    • Juniper
      holy_moly_

      Go to company page Juniper

      holy_moly_
      OP
      I was trying to skip the details but if I had to summarize, I am just struggling to find a balance, struggling with responsibilities and expectations. Some of those I know are always going to be there. I just want the freedom to be able to take decisions, do what I want without being afraid of impacting 50 other people/things.
      Apologies for being really vague.
      6d
    • Financial Services Company
      ligervo

      Financial Services Company

      ligervo
      The system works when we're all selfish.
      You get exploited as soon as you start to give in.

      When someone is expecting something of you, reasonable or not, they're staying true to their nature, looking after their interest and trying to influence you as much as possible.

      You have to be the same. Regardless of what someone thinks, you gotta look after your interests and where your heart lies.
      6d