I don't know if I will be able to.
I am at a point where I am not happy with anything going on in my life.
Maybe I am demanding too much, I don't really know.
I no longer feel a bond with anyone around me, I have lost that with my family, friends, and colleagues and slowly losing them with that. I am second-guessing everything I do, and everyone's intentions.
I have tried to focus on every sort of indoor/outdoor activity that I enjoy doing but I keep going back to that state where I just feel trapped, alone, confused, and helpless.
I feel like I am slowly losing everything - physical and mental health - friends family - happiness - and sanity and I am not ready for even the next few years of my life.
The only time that I am able to share these feelings is when I am smoking.
Yes, that is the only disgusting thing that I have managed to be consistent at and yes this started recently. But please don't tell me to stop because I don't know how to put my problems into words without that.
I read about FMLA recently and I have thought about that multiple times, and sometimes I think that it might be a way out of all this(or maybe it becomes worse. Just thinking about those possibilities is also difficult). I haven't even mentioned all this to my therapist yet because I struggle with making any sort of requests/demands, I don't know when to stop and take breaks, I don't know how to not let one bad thing ruin all others, I don't know when to say yes/no, I don't know if I deserve anything. I read about the giver - taker - matcher thing recently and to me, it just feels like there are too many things around me that are taking everything from me.
Will be starting to volunteer at a place regularly soon. Hopefully that turns out well :)
Sorry that was a lot. I just had to write it.
#mentalhealth #depression #burnout
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His videos helped me get into a better mindset. There is still a lot of work to do for myself, but at least I have some drive (sometimes less, sometimes more)
It was like being in solitary confinement out in the open but I can only trace the same path day in and day out.
Felt like I had a brain hemorrhage too at one point.
Fast forward 7 years. I have never been happier in life. My wife and my son are the angels in my life. I am financially secure. Even if I have to go back to India for good I can retire. What changed the most? Circumstances.
Once you hit rock bottom the only way remaining is up.
One tip: meditate
0. Go for a 1 hour long run/walk immediately. Do not carry your phone or any screen or any digital watch/etc with you.
1. Talk a psychologist/ mental health coach. Your company should be covering that.
2. Go for 10 day course of Vipassana meditation - dhamma.org. This is free, has worked for me and I am quite certain it will work for you.
Also, I started to smoke weed and it really helped. I had my first breakdown just last month, and I realized I was so hard on myself. You will get through it and you are not alone .
Show us an itemized list of what things in life you're unhappy about and what you're demanding from life.
It's easier to understand you when we have examples.
Feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to.
Apologies for being really vague.
You get exploited as soon as you start to give in.
When someone is expecting something of you, reasonable or not, they're staying true to their nature, looking after their interest and trying to influence you as much as possible.
You have to be the same. Regardless of what someone thinks, you gotta look after your interests and where your heart lies.