I was sexually assaulted at work by someone I respected and truly liked

Oct 8, 2019 187 Comments

I knew him for a few years. He used to be my boss. I keep getting panic attacks in the office.

He’s very sorry and apologized but I can’t stop feeling ashamed.

I have started seeing a therapist and it has helped a lot but I won’t report him. I don’t want him to lose his job or cause his family stress.

I guess I just needed to tell someone.

comments

Want to comment? LOG IN or SIGN UP
TOP 187 Comments
  • Autodesk fomo!
    You need to protect the next person that he might do this to, not his family
    Oct 8, 2019 20
    • Google Mr. Glass
      Plot twist: she seduced him and then regretted it later in retrospect. Why is it the default assumption that it’s his fault? As a matter of fact, I know many women who use their charm and seduction to get men who are receptive to help them when they’re stuck on technical things or to offload work, why the surprise when it backfires? Maybe the reason she feels guilty is because somewhere deep down her conscience knows this. Just a possibility to consider. So, no: You might not need to “protect the next person that he might do this to.” because you don’t get to declare guilty until proven innocent. Don’t believe all the victim narratives out there.

      I don’t mean to offend her - I don’t even know this person. I’m just cautioning against the strong unsubstantiated bias in this thread. The truth is often bitter and shit just got real. Check your biases.
      Oct 12, 2019
    • Autodesk fomo!
      Biases exist everywhere, the world apparently is unfair, go figure
      Oct 12, 2019
  • Facebook Almostdone
    I’m sorry for the pain you’re going through and the way you feel right now.

    He was your boss and it was a wrong thing to do on his side. I wouldn’t call it a sexual assault though if all that happened is that he misunderstood your emotions and that he kissed you without you saying no.
    Oct 8, 2019 6
    • Amazon mmmehhhh
      Don’t kiss women at work esp. subordinates. It’s really not a hard rule to follow since you know most straight men would not kiss their male subordinates either.
      Oct 9, 2019
    • Facebook Almostdone
      OP can you explain which part is sexual assault? I acknowledge how you feel and we all have different and unique experiences, I really want to understand which part hurt you the most here. Is it the fact that it happened at work and that he was your boss who leveraged position of power and friendliness he built with you? Did he do anything else to force you into the act? How would you feel if it happened outside of work? How would you feel if he wasn’t your boss?
      Oct 9, 2019
  • Amazon / Eng
    weeeeeeee

    Amazon Eng

    BIO
    AWS
    weeeeeeeemore
    Details?
    Oct 8, 2019 21
    • Adobe ladyt
      Check out all the douchebros who are freaking out about the possibility that their female colleagues might finally start reporting their bullshit.
      Oct 14, 2019
    • Amazon FucKnuckle
      ^ yup OP must be a troll because she didn’t check all the boxes to satisfy their narrative. Give it a rest tech bros.
      Oct 14, 2019
  • Verisk Analytics pinkfloyd🎸
    Extremely sorry to hear that. Please feel free to DM me if you want to talk..

    It takes immense courage to go through what you’re going.. wish you the best of everything 🤗
    Oct 8, 2019 11
    • Yahoo mznxbcv
      Wow these dudes are thirsty. Don’t go w strangers OP
      Oct 8, 2019
    • Prudential LizzyX
      I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand what it feels like to wonder if you did something wrong. You didn’t. You aren’t alone. Did you flirt? If yes, you did NOTHING wrong. Did you get drunk? If yes, you did NOTHING wrong. It may take a long time to realize it fully, but the person who assaulted you is the ONLY one who has anything to be ashamed of. I didn’t report my assault of 25 years ago, and with the gift of time, not reporting is now my only regret. I still wonder what if I hadn’t had that much to drink, or what if I’d done something different...I am able to push those thoughts away and remember that he was to blame, not me. You don’t have to report it to heal, but you may regret it later, especially if he does it to someone else. I believe you are a strong courageous woman, and there are others who will help you heal. You are not alone and you did NOTHING wrong. Keep telling yourself that truth- it will help.
      Nov 1, 2019
  • Amazon BigLove
    OP
    I think one of the interesting things in this thread are the people who don’t understand how this is sexual assault. It was not only that he didn’t have my consent, but that he was and is in a place of power where consent is tricky if not impossible. When you’re raised to be a nice young lady and respect authority, when you’re a people pleaser that struggles to set boundaries and say no, all of this becomes something you just endure. And then you blame yourself for being weak.

    I was sexually assaulted. However whether or not he is a predator or made an honest mistake is still not clear. I wholeheartedly believe he didn’t think it was assault. I think he saw a chance took it and was wrong. But just because he didn’t intend to hurt me doesn’t mean he didn’t.

    But all of you out there who are saying I didn’t push him away so therefore It’s not assault are just propagating the problem.
    Oct 8, 2019 3
    • BMO ohtrbf
      Yeah absolutely agree!

      Plus even though you didn’t push him away, it’s not like you were actively and happily responding to all of his actions, initiating some yourself - because that’s how it happens when people are actually into each other.

      You were probably quiet and just didn’t stop him - but that’s not how people act when they both want it! He should’ve seen that something was wrong with it....
      Oct 8, 2019
    • BMO ohtrbf
      Btw, if you don’t mind me asking - how did it stop? Did you end up stopping it? Did he apologize right there? What happened there?..
      Oct 8, 2019
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Autodesk fomo!
      Wow! Allowed? There is something called consent before the act
      Oct 8, 2019
    • Advance Auto Parts saaa
      So much wrong with YFkR72's comment
      I can't even begin
      Oct 8, 2019
  • Dropbox vpmO82
    It might count as harrasment. But calling it sexual assualt seems a bit too much. It is like someone hit you with their barehand and you want to sue him for murder.
    Oct 8, 2019 1
    • BMO ohtrbf
      Wikipedia: Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that person's consent.

      Also - it is not like that. She does not want to sue the person, and did not even tell anyone about it. And she called it the way it is called.

      I’m sorry you probably got disappointed when you opened the thread because you were hoping for a juicy rape story, but sexual touching absolutely counts as an assault.
      Oct 8, 2019
  • Bloomberg <SLOW>
    Honestly, none of what you've written in this thread precludes the possibility that you desired his advances at the time. And if you did, can it be described as sexual assault?
    Oct 9, 2019 6
    • Amazon BigLove
      OP
      Let me be clear. I called it sexual assault because I did not want to be touched or kissed and I was. I 100% understand the definition and chose my words carefully. I gave no consent. If you want to say I got what I deserved because I like him (and still do) you can fuck right off.
      Oct 10, 2019
    • Bloomberg <SLOW>
      Now it's clear and you have a definite sexual assault case. It was somewhat ambiguous before, due to the lack of explicitly stated relevant information.
      Oct 10, 2019
  • Autodesk fomo!
    Troll post! Dont feed
    Oct 8, 2019 6
    • Autodesk fomo!
      ^Since she posted on women in tech channel and she said the assaulter is a he, its safe to assume that OP is a she
      Oct 8, 2019
    • Twitter trk612x
      I think troll too.
      Oct 9, 2019
  • eBay / Other MetaMorph
    You should report him. That can stop next victim.
    Oct 8, 2019 1

Salary
Comparison

    Real time salary information from verified employees