I guess this is it. I'm about to be fired from my job soon and I really don't know what to think or say anymore. I feel numb inside and feel like I could die at any moment. My soul has slowly died over the past several years here and I really don't know what to even look forward to anymore. I'm suffering from depression and I'm about to be out of a job soon. Naturally, reflecting on my life up until this very point, I think about ... when I was young, I had always felt that this would be the career for me. Fast forward 15 years and I realize this is not at all what I had expected, ever. It's not the inherent complexities of software engineering itself ... but the rote, brainless work, the grind of this machine we're all in, the isolation, the loneliness, and the heavy politics that you have to participate in that has slowly eaten away at my soul. I've tried earnestly switching companies to see if I could be a better fit in a different environment, but I've failed nearly every interview I've done in the past 2 years and now I'm feeling like this is confirmation that I just simply don't belong in this industry or profession... and that perhaps I lucked out on getting into Apple in the first place. The industry standard has effectively become "leetcode or die", and even then if you choose to leetcode, your acceptance is up to the chance of a coin toss of what questions you get that day, or whether your jive with the person on the interview panel or not, or whether another candidate outperformed you for the same position. I am really unsure how to proceed with my life from here. Should I go back to school and pursue a higher degree in CS to be more competitive? Take a bootcamp exclusively for interview prep? Study something completely different and enter a different industry? Give up? I guess I'm experiencing what is called an "identity crisis". I'm feeling utter hopelessness for future prospects. Thanks whoever is listening out there.
You can move away from the Bay Area where the industry is less stupid
Not that I expect you would ever want to come to Amazon, but on the off chance, let me know
There were points in my life (and long engineering career) when I could have written this, word for word, including the part about getting fired. It’s good that you recognize that you are depressed, because you 100% are. You need to get help for that first. Therapy and medication, both. Until you do that, your thinking will be so distorted that any decision you make will likely be wrong. Your brain just doesn’t work right on depression, and that applies to career choices as well as your work. Feel free the DM me if you like. It can be beaten.
This. I highly doubt that you’re a bad engineer, you’re just not putting out what you’re capable of right now because you’re depressed. It’s especially easy to get like that when you’re working a job with as much isolation and inactivity as software engineering, and especially when you work with toxic people (if that’s the case). Maybe you should take some time to figure out what will keep you happy? More often than not it doesn’t take a career change, just new hobbies and habits. Always feel free to reach out if you need to!
100% accurate this.
Switch to tech sales, sales engineer job. You will have never make more money Also realize that your depression is throwing you into a feedback down spiral. Depression causes low performance and that increases depression and so on. Understanding the dynamics of this situation should aid you in resolving it
Bootcamp for current stack of tech, and take 6 months for leetcode doing 2 to 3 easy plus study system design first month, then 2 to 3 medium with with concurrency month two. Month three 2 to 3 medium and full stack projects on kwik labs. Then do company specific hard leetcode 2 a day plus cycle thru system design, concurrency, ood and labs last 3 months with dash of behavioral.
You are not alone. Thousands of people feel the same way you do and still trudge on. Focus on getting treated for the depression first. Medication+CBT is the most effective way. Once you do that you’ll realize these tech jobs are not our identity. These are just a means to an end. Once you start feeling good you will automatically perform better in your current job and leetcode too.
Dont listen to folks who are asking you to grind leetcode. That will make your depression worse. Just fix the depression and life will be easier.
If you are okay with bit of travel, apply for cloud architect kind of roles in companies like Microsoft and Amazon. These roles require breadth in technology and interviews aren't that difficult. Some pre-sales is part of the role though.
Do not leetcode. Do not force yourself to keep doing what’s making you miserable. Take a break, seriously.. Breathe and enjoy living for a bit, your mental health can make or break you. Take care of yourself first.
Other faang are difficult but I think you’d have luck with most tier 2 companies