Manager's fear

New / IT sctechexec
Oct 29, 2019 69 Comments

I am a manager for 5-6 years. Recently a peer manager was let go due to some sexual harassment claim by his subordinate. I was able to get some info through a number of female co-workers and his ex-staff that he is "creepy" but they are not able to tell me how. Basically just the way he "looks" at people. I never really noticed that from my limited interaction with him.

I have a number of female subordinates myself. I even hired most of them myself and we all have good professional working relationships. I meet all my staff one on one regularly but after the peer manager's incident, I am starting worry about the meetings. How would I know if they end up calling me "creepy" and my career goes down the drain? But if I don't meet with them, I am afraid I can't help their development and careers.

Anyone have the same issue?

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TOP 69 Comments
  • Hulu ?!?!?!?
    Look at their eyes not other body parts; don't stare; don't joke around; keep the conversation to work related topics only; do not talk about anything personal or private; no touching of any kind
    Oct 29, 2019 6
    • Axtria 🐨 koala
      I wish it wasn't common in 2019. Unfortunately, it still is, encountered this with multiple people in multiple companies. It can also be more cultural than anything else. From your responses, it doesn't look like you have anything to fear. Just treat everyone equally, treat them right, constantly ask for feedback, ensure people are reviewed on their work and not other factors, no one has unfair advantage etc, you should be good.
      Nov 3, 2019
    • New / IT sctechexec
      OP
      By the way, there are a couple fairly young female employees that I hired in the past and I find myself coaching them that they need to carefully consider volunteering to things that the other guys will not. For example, party planning or other tasks that are "nice" for the team but I noticed it always went to the girls. So I am not blind to see that but I can only advise. Again, diversity is good but not at the sacrifice of only one group.
      Nov 3, 2019
  • Microsoft e!Fjie60
    100% he was fired for doing or saying something beyond being a nondescript creep

    Pushed send by accident. Meant to also write...

    Speak to your directs like they’re professionals and just be a professional yourself. And this goes for any gender employee: Don’t mention looks or make any kind of sexual jokes.
    Oct 29, 2019 3
    • Microsoft e!Fjie60
      The fact that you’re trying to be thoughtful about how you treat your directs likely means you’ll be okay OP! And when you (and everyone else in the world) makes a well-intentioned mistake, acknowledge, apologize, learn and all will be right again.
      Oct 29, 2019
    • Indeed / Eng inzeed
      100% this. He did something beyond just "looking creepy."

      I'm also a manager. If I got fired for the way I look, lawyers will be involved.
      Oct 30, 2019
  • Cadence Mariposa
    A few examples of when I called someone a creep:

    1. Staring at other places of a female other than the face
    2. Ogling at other women right when a lady is sitting with them and having a face to face chat
    3. Trying to touch someones hand or make body contact in an elevator
    4. Moving your chair farther away to stare down across the girl who is wearing a short skirt
    5. Coming physically very close to say something when it's not supposedly a secret.
    6. Staring at someone when they are not looking at you.
    7. Touching your private area in the presence of a female
    8. If you are a married man; know the difference between Friendly and flirty.
    9. Too much compliments are weird too unless you are good friends with the lady - "nice boots" "is it your birthday today, you are wearing a new outfit"
    Oct 30, 2019 22
    • Cadence Mariposa
      You strike me an asshole! End of story.
      Nov 2, 2019
    • New / IT sctechexec
      OP
      @mariposa
      OP here. I like your list. Gives me a clearer picture, thanks! Not that I do any of those things but it is also good to know in case I get cues that something is not quite right.
      Nov 3, 2019
  • Proofpoint
    srividya-

    Proofpoint

    PRE
    Symantec
    srividya-more
    I m manager and I never hire female because of #metoo. I m very happy
    Oct 30, 2019 9
    • Proofpoint
      srividya-

      Proofpoint

      PRE
      Symantec
      srividya-more
      Who cares... I care about work and pay... do not want deal this shit
      Nov 3, 2019
    • Synopsys droc
      You know the only counter to this strategy is hiring being forced on you... Not a good outcome in my opinion.
      Nov 4, 2019
  • New BIvv71
    In today's age, you need to go full pence, but even then, it's not a guarantee. Once you see it happen, you know how fragile your position is.

    The best way to be safe is probably to be attractive. The same actions are considered creepy if you're not attractive and flattering if you are.
    Oct 29, 2019 6
    • Apple hfbrt
      I think even science agrees with the merits of attractiveness. Obviously you can compensate with other traits, but those have to be learned. Some of have to put more efforts than others. It can vary from your intelligence, money, grooming to the way you talk.
      Nov 3, 2019
    • Cadence Mariposa
      It does! That's usually the first step, offcourse in time you realize a pretty face can only do so much (male/female)
      Nov 4, 2019
  • New BAiM58
    Metoo movement. How many guys got screwed by a lying woman?
    Be on your guard, no joking, no touching no anything. Stay professional.
    Oct 29, 2019 6
    • Apple JxmW82
      @New thank you. You sound wise. May I PM you?
      Nov 5, 2019
    • New BAiM58
      Yes of course
      Nov 5, 2019
  • Google / Eng d3j88wq
    Almost certainly there was a credible claim of harassment, but no one wants to give details.
    Oct 29, 2019 0
  • Oracle
    not_larry

    Oracle

    PRE
    Amazon
    not_larrymore
    You raise good points. There’s no solution. Just be decent and hope you don’t have a psycho in your team.
    Oct 29, 2019 0
  • Prudential -asdf-
    Suggestion: Schedule your 1-1s in the cafeteria over lunch.

    You aren't the only person with these concerns.
    Oct 30, 2019 2
    • Cadence Mariposa
      I did that and my then manager was always looking at other women in the cafeteria instead of listening to me (also a female) , he was just an exception. In my case, he wanted it outside a conference room 🙄
      Oct 30, 2019
    • New / IT sctechexec
      OP
      Would having lunch 1 on 1 with a staff member be really better than in a conference room?

      I have more staff than lunch days...I will literally have to eat 3 lunches a day to meet with everyone.
      Nov 3, 2019
  • Oracle Sockets
    Like how Jack fooled the Ropers: pretend to be gay or alternative lifestyle.

    Since we live in an area that scores with diversity points, rack some up for your behalf
    Oct 30, 2019 1
    • New / IT sctechexec
      OP
      That's an interesting one. I am married with a kid on the way. It has to be creative to pretend. Feels like it can backfire easily.
      Nov 3, 2019

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