Massive income difference with partner advice

New / Eng
⚾️curveball

New Eng

⚾️curveball
Apr 30 53 Comments

I take home 1.75x what my partner does (after tax). I’m switching jobs & it’ll become 2x, not including public RSUs (current job is private) which will put me around a 3.3x multiple if the stock price doesn’t move up at all

Partner wants to split things 50/50 bc they were raised to think that’s fair but occasionally has budgeting stress. I want to split things proportionally (I make more, I pay more) bc I figure we can do MORE things with no financial stress on either side. If I pay for dates, partner emphasizes the next one will be on them, so I get worried about pricey dates. When we book trips I offer to cover more of the Airbnb but partner keeps it 50/50.

Note:
We’re queer (hetero couple gender expectations don’t apply). We don’t live together but the relationship is serious.

What would you do if your partner had money stress but pushed for 50/50 bc of upbringing (especially if your upbringing was the opposite)? Any tips for making the case for proportional from folks who have done it?

I already save a ton, spend as much as I want to spend on my own stuff, so any cash I “save” as a result of this 50/50 split just goes to riskier investments which provide little happiness / life satisfaction compared to doing stuff with my partner - so “just be happy partner wants 50/50!” Isn’t that useful

Blind tax:
Upcoming TC: 349k
Old TC: less than half that
YOE: 4

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TOP 53 Comments
  • This is so nice, two people wanting to be fair to one another. Good on you.

    I make a lot more than my girlfriend right now and I ask for 50/50 lol. I think finances in a relationship is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong.

    The important thing is communication and it seems like you already doing that!
    Apr 30 3
    • @Microsoft “don’t date men like this” while being name “thirst4luv”. How embarrassing. Maybe you should reevaluate yourself
      Apr 30
    • as the person making more, doesn’t it make more sense to ask what your partner prefers the split to be, instead of stating that your preference is 50/50? if your partner feels differently they might have a hard time asking for a different split
      May 1
  • "you have mentioned about splitting it in proportion" your obligations/responsibilities end there.

    However since you are earning more and like to go on expensive dates, and if its the deal breaker: move on to someone else.
    Apr 30 3
  • Alteryx
    mJYv81

    Go to company page Alteryx

    mJYv81
    This really comes down to communicating with your partner about why exactly they want to split things 50 / 50 so much. Even if they were raised that way, what is the sticking point? Is it a sense of pride? Is it not wanting to be “taken care of”? Chances are there is an underlying feeling there.

    It’s a tough situation. I recently just found myself in a situation where I now make over double what my partner makes. We had a long conversation and I basically said that I didn’t think it was fair for things to be 50 / 50 and that I also wanted her to be able to save more money and pay off her student loans.

    I think they just need to understand that this gesture isn’t coming from pity or anything like that.
    Apr 30 3
    • New / Eng
      ⚾️curveball

      New Eng

      ⚾️curveball
      OP
      Good point, might be worth another convo to figure out what the underlying feelings are + listen deeply. Partner mentioned during initial convo family stuff + didn’t want to feel “dependent” which I understand as I’m someone who strives to be independent but I feel like if we both have careers we like and can pay for rent/food/solo stuff on our own, going on more trips or nice dates with a proportional split doesn’t feel like “dependence” to me. We can (and do!) both stand on our own with our respective incomes :)
      Apr 30
    • Splunk
      mikenike7

      Go to company page Splunk

      mikenike7
      Sounds like it’s a good way to talk about those family issues, too. Do you two want to be a family in the future? What would that look like? You two and a cat or dog or plant, etc? Do you want to maybe see a counselor to figure out what that looks like? Or is it something you could work out together? When it’s the right person, these kinds of issues can actually bring you closer. I’m happy for you two! It’s a good thing.
      Apr 30
  • New / Other
    yzJN46

    New Other

    yzJN46
    I would push to pay more. If you break it down by “This purchase costs 5 hours of my labor and 5 hours of your labor” it might help ease the discomfort your partner has with paying less.
    Apr 30 3
    • Amazon
      noobsde1

      Go to company page Amazon

      noobsde1
      Might feel a bit condescending
      Apr 30
    • New
      🍕 not 🥜

      New

      🍕 not 🥜
      This is more or less what I was going to say. Focus on sharing the *burden* 50/50. A relationship shouldn’t be about finances, it should be about emotions. Make sure you’re supporting each other equally *emotionally*. Focus on the emotional burden, and share that 50/50.

      I hope to get to a point where my partner doesn’t have to work. If she chooses to do that, I still see her as contributing 50% to our finances because I couldn’t do it without her support. The name on the paycheck only tells part of the story.
      Apr 30
  • Affirm
    knuckles9

    Go to company page Affirm

    knuckles9
    We split house payments proportionally and then split most other things 50/50
    Apr 30 0