Micarried during critical deadline

Nov 6, 2019 23 Comments

I miscarried during a critical deadline last year and didnot receive any support from team/manager. I was not made aware of company policy and was back to work after 3 days and worked extended hours to meet the deadline. I was the most competent engineer in the group, but never received recognition or appreciation for successfully completing the work despite my personal difficulties where as the guys in my team who are the most incompetent engineers i have worked with got awards. I was frustated and devastated and left the toxic team, but i suffer from anxiety and depression and am pregnant again and worry that it could repeat all over . I worry a lot about it , though i have moved out the org but i do have to work with them sometimes . should i just quit my job and get back to workforce after pregnancy? any suggestions/ideas to be prepared this time ?

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TOP 23 Comments
  • Two Sigma QOwS48
    Suggestion? Do not give a shit about the company, put yourself, your health and your family first. They are coworkers, that’s it.
    Nov 6, 2019 1
    • Two Sigma QOwS48
      As a related story, I have seen someone planned their extended maternity leave by finish a critical project first and then take an extended leave (around 6 month). When she came back she was able to still get a great performance review because the company had to exclude the pregnancy period.
      Of course this is company policy dependent, but the moral of the story is to research your situation and pick a strategy that benefit you the most, not the company or your teammate.
      Nov 6, 2019
  • AMD jqzV42
    OP
    Thank you everyone for your inputs. I have been seeing a therapist for my anxiety and depression. I will quit this time if there is an expectation to put in long hours/work in stressful environment even after disclosing my pregnancy.
    Nov 6, 2019 11
    • E*Trade / Finance cbEV72
      Exactly, she should be able to get paid leave or other similar accommodations
      Nov 7, 2019
    • Delta Air Lines / Product TTNh52
      OP, some of us are yearning to be pregnant. You have a blessing to be able to carry a baby. Priorities, please. You can always find another job. This is America! Most companies are super supportive, like mine.
      Good luck!
      Nov 8, 2019
  • Amazon mavo
    Go to your doctor, tell him you suffer anxiety, depression and you are pregnant. Make him get you paid sick leave. This works in Europe, at least.
    Nov 6, 2019 1
    • AMD jqzV42
      OP
      Unfortunately I work in US
      Nov 6, 2019
  • Microsoft MMKy42
    AMD (or any company) doesn't give two shits about you or me. Never put your priorities over theirs, especially in an incredibly tough time like the one you described.
    Nov 6, 2019 0
  • eBay / Other MetaMorph
    Kick them. In a distress and such great mental stress situation your manager needs to come through. He failed and you suffered.

    With time you will become stronger but the bitter feeling with this company will drag you down.

    Stress can cause miscarriage again so take care of yourself first.

    There is a lot of work in the world but you are the world for little souls.
    Nov 6, 2019 0
  • Ironshore restapic#
    Take long unpaid leave before maternity . If they don’t allow , quit . Don’t give more value to work than it deserve
    Nov 6, 2019 0
  • eBay bizbuz
    You > your priorities > company - do not give a shit about what others think. Care about yourself and what means important to ‘you’. In your lifetime, this incident of getting recognition from a toxic manager or team is worthless. Don’t stress about it. Think of the beautiful things that you have coming soon. It’s never worth it to stress about a short term job situations. That being said, once you are there are good managers out there. You should state what your priorities are and what’s important to you with your manager. A lot of the times, they may be completely unaware of your situation.
    Nov 6, 2019 0
  • Verizon Media Igpay
    Unless you told them every detail, you can’t be upset.

    It’s also a situation where most people don’t know what to say. “Sorry to hear that” is about all you can expect.
    Nov 6, 2019 1
    • AMD jqzV42
      OP
      Well my husband received far greater support from his manager than what I did. I cried uncontrollably when I called my manager that I will be taking 3 days off as I had miscarried . He never offered to give me extra days off nor did connect to HR to check company policy . He snapped at me for task that wasn’t completed the next week when I was back at work , he dumped extra work on me . When I asked for help and priorities on tasks, only thing he said was everything needs to be completed. My colleague when explained my situation he was like “well everybody is under stress and nothing much can be done “. It was the most toxic set of people I ever worked with
      Nov 6, 2019
  • New deflow
    While priority is always you > work, we all want our work to be meaningful and appreciated by the company. Sometimes the manager doesn't get it and you need to remind him of your value and also your difficulties, and what kind of support you need. I'm a guy and I can tell you we are clueless when it comes to matters that affect the woman's health. Ask for support and recognition. If they ignore you then you have the reason to quit.
    Nov 6, 2019 0

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