Missing home :( , what should i do in long term

Nov 28, 2019 44 Comments

Hi Blind Community,

I am writing this on Thanksgiving and I am grateful for everything in my life ,especially my lovely family. I'm 28 , came to US for Master's and it's been 5 years since then. Had a lot of experiences so far. Went through horrible depression, picked myself from it and am trying to make a positive change in every area I can. But whatever I do, I always miss my family and can't stop thinking about how life would be better if I move back to my country.

For those who came to study , work and have moved back or planning to go back , what are the things I should take note of when I want to move. When did you decide it was time to leave. Did you wait until you reached a certain level in your career/company before transferring or was it a spur of the moment decision. A voice inside tells me if I stay here for career , money I will never take a decision since it is always going to be financially better to earn in US and there will always be more career opportunities here. I value family time more than anything else and want to take a good decision in terms of when and how I should plan my move. Have 3 YoE. Any advice is appreciated.

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TOP 44 Comments
  • Symantec / Eng neshama
    You are going to get polarized responses.

    In my opinion, listen to your heart, you can survive with less money, family is the most important thing, and if you lose out on that, money won't be able to buy you one.
    Nov 28, 2019 1
    • Salesforce / Eng Full-Send
      I make polarizing bets on rivers all day
      Nov 28, 2019
  • Microsoft appaiah
    If I were you i would just go home and be happy.
    Nov 28, 2019 12
    • Google TomatoFarm
      Poopthrow...
      1. 275k TC --> 172k take home after tax. How do you save 200k on that?

      2. Where in Oakland did you get an apartment for $1k? Or are you talking about a single room?

      3. Oakland doesn't pay as much as silicon valley - I have friends commuting to Mountain View and it's hell

      4. Anyway the problem is that even 600k doesn't buy you a nice house in Oakland. Will you share your apartment and live on nothing for 7 years until you can buy a normal house? This isn't my dream :/

      Of course it makes sense to work there for a few years to live a nice life elsewhere. But the main problem is that people get so greedy they never want to live and end up living shitty lives in the rat race until they die at their desks....
      Nov 29, 2019
    • Twitch / Creative Poopthrow
      Tomatofarm.

      That's exactly what I mean right? When you're in the race, it's hard to see how you're slowly dying. It's only when you leave for a bit, like on a vacation in this case visiting home, that you realize that you're becoming a shell of your former self.

      To your questions above.

      1. I have poor math. But let's say I rounded up given that portfolio appreciation probably kicks in another 30k per year even with fairly conservative growth rates

      2. Living an hour away from work in fruitville in a shared house lowers rent to about 950 a month utilities and furnishing included. Not very safe and commuting sucks but it does save money.

      3. I commute into Sf with Bart. 1 hour each way everyday

      4. When you're In the daily grind of the race, you really don't think about it too much. It's only when youre out of the race that you're like... Oh snap. This sucks
      Nov 29, 2019
  • Oracle NewOracle
    I left my home country in my 20’s and I had this question almost every year or every day since then. This is called “home sick”. For long and in the past it has been treated as a sickness. Not surprising that in Greek it’s translated as “Nostalgia”. You could see it as an anxiety concerning the separation from those to whom the individual is attached as well as your home country.

    That being said, I’m now in my late 30’s and I’m now happier. I have accepted that I do not have to “choose” between here and there. I’m part of both. Like having two options instead of one. I can travel more, offer more to my family, help and support them when needed as well as having a good life on my side.

    As recommended, go there more often, if you are still not happy of having two options or two life, go back, it’s easier than you think.
    Nov 28, 2019 6
    • New / Data Aloha 🍻
      Bayarea has a rich blend of desi cultural values. Friends move on to their destinations and we make more in our new destination. However parents and family is a big question. The ones who took care of us for so long, they need us the most now. And that keeps me thinking of being a bad son.
      Nov 28, 2019
    • Neurocrine hm1p7
      Agree with Aloha. Feel free to dm if you want to share or discuss anything.
      Nov 28, 2019
  • Choice is sometimes a terrible thing to deal with. When I can here decades back, there was no choice going back. You suck it up and deal with it.
    Nov 28, 2019 0
  • Google pharoh
    I think you feel this way because you live alone, try to share home with someone and if you can get boyfriend/girlfiend it will help alot
    Nov 28, 2019 1
  • ByteDance suitcase
    Think about long term later coz the decision is big....for now just pack ur bag and visit ur family asap...I know it could be tough but planning a trip itself will help today.
    Nov 28, 2019 0
  • Google TomatoFarm
    I left after 6 years and haven't looked back. Yes I make 20% less but I can now see my family every weekend. Would you take 20k in exchange for not being able to see them? That's up to you, but my answer is no.
    Nov 28, 2019 2
    • Reliable Software / Eng Sugoidesu
      What's your home country
      Nov 28, 2019
    • Google TomatoFarm
      Germany
      Nov 28, 2019
  • New throu
    Could you visit your family more often? Would that be enough for you?
    Nov 28, 2019 1
    • Adobe / Data
      CSpc08

      Adobe Data

      PRE
      Adobe
      CSpc08more
      Yeah either take more vacations or get your family to come stay with you for a month or so every now and then
      Nov 28, 2019
  • Amazon saiyan_87
    You are just going through the motions that every immigrant does in a new country. It will pass if you have a well defined purpose cut out for you here. Else you will keep getting bothered by these thoughts. There is no one size fit all and hence ultimately you decide what makes you feel content. I am also assuming you are single.
    Nov 28, 2019 0
  • Its about priorities, if you value family time more you will never be satisfied and happy here in US no matter how much money you make. Money does not bring happiness is what I’ve realized. And life in US is so damn mechanical and materialistic, its sad :(
    Times have changed and lot of people move back now, so not a big deal. Good luck
    Nov 28, 2019 0

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