My BF makes millions of dollars, I don’t.

New ckckck
Dec 4, 2019 69 Comments

I know how stupid and pathetic this would sound like but I need somewhere to vent.

I’ve been dating a super sweet, funny, smart guy for a year now. He is a VP at mega fund, making about at least a million per year, and he is only in his late 20s.

I, on the other hand, is in tech and makes about 170k per year (non-eng role) and am also in late 20s. I know this is not a bad TC and am really grateful for my current situation but ever since dating him I start to feel like I am not good enough & he will eventually leave me for someone with better job with prestigious background. I think that is because I see all his collagues are married to people who are similar to themselves (finance, doctors, lawyers, etc.) and I know how much money is important to him and he is looking for a career-driven woman as well. Especially because he is not from a wealthy family, his ambition of accumulating 100M before age of 40 has been the main purpose of his life.

As a gf who knows how much money and power mean for him, it’s hard to imagine him settling with someone with way less salary potential. He often mentions that he cannot be in a relationship with someone with no career ambition and he expects his future wife to be also a hard working professional or from a wealthy family.

At the same time, I know how he is just a hard working, smart, sweet kid who loves to play games and eat cheap thai food with me at home. He always put me as his #2 priority (#1 is work, of course) and spends all his remaining time on me, but I know he will never fall for his feelings. He got to where he is now by cutting down all his feelings to reach his goal. I really sometimes wish that he is not as ambitious and wealthy as he is now, I just love him so much and want him to be my partner for life because I don’t need multiple million dollar houses.

Please tell me if I’m being stupid and need to build on my confidence or if my concerns are actually valid and should accept that this will be a fling with an end.

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TOP 69 Comments
  • CVS Pharmacy ☣️☠️☣️
    Find a man who wants you for you. This numbers obsession is not going to make a strong foundation for a lasting relationship
    Dec 4, 2019 0
  • Microsoft fuck_this🤬
    Dude sounds like a douche 🤣
    Dec 4, 2019 0
  • New / Supply/Log ➖_➖
    I think you already know what to do. "He often mentions that he cannot be in a relationship with no career ambition and he expects his future wife to be also a hard working professional or from a wealthy family." You know if this is you.
    Dec 4, 2019 1
    • New ckckck
      OP
      I am a career driven, never wanna be a housewife type but I would never make as much as lawyer or doctor or bankers do. And his friends are all married to those types.
      Dec 4, 2019
  • Apple Eshf73
    I’d suggest having a conversation with him about this feeling. Maintaining open and honest dialogue with your partner is usually more aligned with long term success than any level of income parity.
    Dec 4, 2019 1
    • New ckckck
      OP
      We did and he says I am good enough but I feel like things are contradicting sometimes (e.g he saying it is normal for people in his field to be meeting someone in their level, he thinks love is conditional unless it’s between family). But maybe I am being doubtful and lacking confident
      Dec 4, 2019
  • Amazon / Eng OlAl28
    How TF did he get the job at that age?
    Dec 4, 2019 3
    • Amazon / Eng OlAl28
      OP, can you confirm?
      Dec 4, 2019
    • New ckckck
      OP
      Not elite private high school. He went to public school, ivy, and top bank. No mba. Just amazing resume and gpa got him there. He is a hustler
      Dec 4, 2019
  • Samsung hoiN00
    Low pay for a VP at a hedge fund regardless of age.
    Dec 4, 2019 9
    • Google ok ?
      F

      1 doubt rendered
      Dec 4, 2019
    • Samsung hoiN00
      Ok - shouldn't you be populating the internet with Pampers ads or something?
      Dec 4, 2019
  • Honeywell 10char
    I recommend you play independent within your own means. Don’t act inferior with him - you can afford a very decent life yourself. Sounds like he enjoys your company as much as you enjoy his and on both sides money is not the driver. No couple is a perfect match, but people can change and get there with time. Allow the time.
    Dec 4, 2019 1
    • New ckckck
      OP
      This is very comforting to hear. You are right, I will never act inferior with him.
      Dec 4, 2019
  • Amazon y=mx+b
    I’ll offer a different perspective. He wants a smart, capable, beautiful and accomplished career woman - and he found her! She’s you. His qualifications never mentioned income as a requirement, so don’t feel bad that you don’t make as much as he does.

    Now you need to decide if you’re ok with his values and your arrangement. There’s nothing wrong with you if you decide to stay. One item in his favor: he’s probably going to be so busy working hard that he probably won’t have time or energy to cheat and be successful (as he defines it). Acquiring a fortune of $100 million won’t be easy, even with his 7 figure salary.
    Dec 4, 2019 2
    • New ckckck
      OP
      This made me teared up a bit. Thank you so much, I also believe that how much money I am making shouldn’t define who I am as a person, but in this capitalistic world I sometimes think I am wrong and conditions override love.
      Dec 4, 2019
    • Amazon y=mx+b
      It also sounds from re-reading your post that you accept this man for who he is—and for a partner and potential spouse, that’s the dream.

      You don’t sound like you’re starry-eyed “in love” with him (which is ok) but instead unconditionally love him, faults and all. That’s damned special and rare.

      My conclusion: it’s not you, but he who’s hit the proverbial jackpot.
      Dec 4, 2019
  • New / Eng
    Psynaptic

    New Eng

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    Psynapticmore
    He will fall for his feelings, because more powerful than any preconceived arbitrary ambition is the combined effect of dopamine and oxytocin that comes from sex and love. Honestly sounds like he's already changed if he's spending his remaining time with you rather than doing side hustles to further his 100M goal.
    Dec 4, 2019 0
  • SEI Investments deepo
    Women care a lot about how much their partner makes. For example, you're probably feeling this way since if you imagined yourself being in the reverse situation you'd be turned off that you make over 6x your significant others salary. I can tell you now that guys don't give two shits how much their girlfriends make. I'd date a girl making minimum wage if she was great everywhere else. Moral of the story - focus on being sexy not a fat wallet.
    Dec 4, 2019 2
    • New ckckck
      OP
      I do get approached by many guys and people compliment about my appearance very often but I don’t want to believe in something that diminishes over time. How would you feel about your girlfriend if she starts to age and stop looking as beautiful as she did?
      Dec 4, 2019
    • SEI Investments linkedl
      There is more to a person than looks, but it is a sad reality that looks are the largest part of a woman's value in terms of the dating market.
      Dec 10, 2019

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