My wife is moving ahead. I can't catch up

Oct 27, 2019 118 Comments

We both came from a very restrict 3rd world country and religious families. When she met I was the liberal one and she felt I saved her. (quoting from her) We then moved to the U.S. and evolved in the culture and our ideology. We were feeling happy to explore the new world with much more freedom and rights. Our minds started to think deeper about everything. She's smart and her acceleration of change was much more than mine, although my initial speed was higher. Now after a decade I can't catch up with her. She's far ahead of me (reminds me of the movie "Her". The feeling of the man in the end was extremely relatable to me).
I feel sad and afraid that she'll leave me someday because I'm not a competent match for her anymore.
P.S. I asked her several times if she'd leave me someday, and she says no, but I know she's saying it just because of the guilt she feels inside, not because she's not happy with me anymore.
Just wanted to vent :(
Update: Someone messaged me this and it's exactly our life: "back in our country, I was the best man she could ever ask for, but when we came here and after our evolution, I'm not a fit for her all all. Like I would dream to marry such an intellectual if we were here, and she would never choose me."

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TOP 118 Comments
  • Susquehanna International Arrowhead1
    Your insecurity will kill your relationship not your wife's speed of progress. Would you leave her if the case was opposite? You're just thinking too much. She loves you for you you are and just do what you love and be good at it
    Oct 27, 2019 5
    • Apple zgxvcc
      OP
      Ok thanks. I'll think about this deeper.
      Oct 27, 2019
    • Amazon popozao
      Insecurity is super unattractive. The fact you keep asking for reassurance will eventually get to your wife.

      Not just because you are unhappy, she will feel like nothing she does will make you happy.

      Turn it around, if your wife is perpetually depressed and insecure, and nothing you do or say makes her happy, how would you feel?

      There is nothing she can do to make you feel more “manly”. This is all on you, sir. Take some time to think about this, and hopefully you can come out a better person for your and your relationship sake.
      Oct 27, 2019
  • Uber piybcd
    🎻
    Oct 27, 2019 0
  • Northrop Grumman / Eng FinFET10
    If she felt you saved her, that is something she will never forget.
    Oct 27, 2019 6
    • Northrop Grumman / Eng FinFET10
      Please read: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion#Main_types

      I see what you mean, but you can’t change the past. Try to look at it like this, sure you missed this point or were wrong, but now you have the opportunity to see the other side. Many people still in 3rd world countries never have this chance.
      Oct 27, 2019
    • Bank of The West antlerwaff
      You tube Corey Wayne. He has videos that are exactly what you need to hear and learn right now.
      Oct 27, 2019
  • LinkedIn I’mJoker
    Divorce her before she leaves you and make it look like you dumped her
    Oct 27, 2019 5
    • Apple zgxvcc
      OP
      Amazon: true :)
      Oct 27, 2019
    • Lyft lkyX37
      I think you need some advice from zgxvcc, not the other way around. Relationship is more than your ego or who “wins”.
      Oct 27, 2019
  • Credit Karma DesiGirl
    That sucks, bro. Maybe lift weights.
    Oct 27, 2019 4
    • Humatics dirtstyle
      Do some push-ups
      Oct 29, 2019
    • Amazon alehop
      And don’t be a pussу and never ask if she’ll leave you. Women can smell insecurity from a mile and it’s a big turnoff. Work on your confidence.
      Oct 29, 2019
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Facebook maple dip
      What the heck? No! A king who thinks he is a servant is not a king at all. And fighting needless wars and wasting lives instead of fostering prosperous peace is exactly what will make her slit your throat to end the bloodshed.
      Oct 28, 2019
    • Broadridge / Eng wolfmonkey
      Yes, he is not a King yet because he has a servant mindset. By "fighting to become a King" I dont mean going to war with others. But fighting his insecurities and rising up.

      Please, read "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine" by Douglas Gillette and Robert L. Moore
      Oct 28, 2019
  • Sam's Club muskMelon
    I don't have an advice for you. But I really wish you good luck :)
    Oct 27, 2019 0
  • Amazon rockNrol
    Why the hell did u allow her to progress faster what the fk were u doing ??
    Oct 27, 2019 1
    • Apple zgxvcc
      OP
      "Allow"???
      Oct 27, 2019
  • Apple southfark
    What do you mean she is ahead? In terms of money? Thought process? Intelligence?
    Oct 27, 2019 9
    • Yahoo pydges
      Yeah so vague
      Oct 28, 2019
    • Google vhoggd
      This. An example would be good
      Oct 28, 2019
  • Pivotal yeezytaugh
    Hey brother, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. The only person that can rid you of this insecurity is yourself. I don't think any indivdual should feel like their life is ending if they "lose" their partner. You came into this world alone and will leave alone. That said, you haven't given us any clear evidence that she feels like leaving you at all. Your reasoning stems from your own insecurity and perspective and that may be worth looking at. It's ok to be insecure, but it's not productive to push your own insecurities onto someone else expecting them to fix it. It's hard work that you have to do for yourself. You got this. Reach out to a men's group if you need help or find a therapist. It's worth it.
    Oct 28, 2019 0

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