Buy anti-virus stock NOW!

I am what many call a stock guru and a self-made investor *makes a steeple out of his hands*.

I started my journey when I was 12, fapping to Crotch Capers 2 when I saw an ad pop-up urging me to buy Bitcoin. Since that day I have never looked back (could not even if I tried since I cleared my browser history after my fap session).

Anyways, fast forward 9 years, I am now a proud CEO of a startup which basically is Uber for chewing gum but using Blockchain. I also invest all my savings in growth stocks because #moneyneversleeps #stonks #oleg.

After hours of careful research reading Motley Fool articles and watching Jim Cramer, I have concluded that a surefire way to make profits during the coronavirus downturn is to invest in anti-virus stocks.

The reasoning is quite logical *hand steeple intensifies*. Besides the obvious benefits on having an anti-virus to protect from coronavirus, one must also understand that as more and more people work from home, faps per day will also increase (FPD). Proportional to this, more and more people will turn towards free and shady websites to fulfill their degenerative cravings. Big porno houses’ productions will stall and any new content they make will involve the actors in protective N95 masks (quite a turn-off for most unless you harbor a mask fetish). With traffic diverted towards unsafe internet terrotiries, people will resort to buying anti-virus software leading to increased revenues and higher EPS, DPS, DIK and COK. Quite elementary if you ask me.