Feeling underleveled I was putting much effort to prove that I am more capable. Working overtime is one thing but more problematic was the fact that I was taking more and more responsibilities to the point where I become insecure and not sure whether I could deliver any of those. Before I feel this I was achieving what I wanted; delivered a few project as a junior dev, got a good review, people's trust. All of that is great but I know the pace that I was on is not sustainable any more. My new year's resolution hence was to less care about all that shit; promo, what others would think if I am a junior dev at the age of 30+, feeling useful at work. Instead I would focus on small joys I find in life maybe, maybe something else, I don't really know what else could that be if not some sort of achievement since that was all I was after for at least last ten years. Today I am out of office and got an email from work. Instantly I felt the pressure to respond sooner than later with thorough idea, which got me thinking, I was about to get on the train all over. I want to be chill, I want to be on my own stuff when I'm not working. I just don't know how to disconnect myself from work maybe. If there is anyone that can relate to myself and what I have been feeling, would be nice if you can comment on how you were able to improve on the life side of work life balance, and maintain mental sanity in the long run. ----------------------------- I didn't expect to get this much attention and I am super grateful for all your perspectives! I've been in almost 10 different teams so far including short term projects. To be fair, my current team and work is pretty decent, if not the best, for which I am thankful. I feel like it's just me trying to learn how to better navigate life and career in this industry. As someone mentioned it truly is a constant, never ending battle; it is so damn easy to be lost and shortsighted at work, and forget about what my priority in life was like etc. I'll be making a few adjustments that are also mentioned in the comments, and go from there.
Ask yourself what’s the definition of success. Why do you feel insecure? Is it because of peer pressure, immigration status if that applies, or other reasons?
I know that exact feeling. A little bit on context : I turned 28 recently and love computer science. I love staying current with so many things happening around me and that’s the problem. When I joined my current company, I wanted to learn the ins and outs of the entire codebase. Basically, my goal was to work hard initially and get to a point where in rest often life at the company would be a breeze. First few months, I did all my tasks way before time and a lot more on my own. Earned trust. Company realized this and started giving me more challenging tasks. I liked doing this. Felt like working on challenging projects was giving me a better grip on the architecture side of things. Until recently. I was not considered for promotion for when I wanted. Felt like I earned it. But realized it doesn’t work that way. Gave up. Lost interest in my current company. Just doing things slowly and as they come. Not rushing to solutions even though I kind of know it. I felt cheated. Made me realize I am just another cog. Found a better role with a much higher TC. Moving soon.
Dude, leave Google and go work for a dope start up like snowflake or coinbase or something. Now that you have Google on your resume you can work anywhere in any field at any level you want
There is a ton of older junior devs. I am one at 33. You are already working for one of the most desirable companies in the world, don't worry about your level. Just enjoy the perks and nice compensation and float along. No job is worth compromising your health for, especially if you have so many other options. At least Google doesn't pip people left and right, I have to deal with that stress as a junior at Amazon! Do consider changing teams before you leave.
Hello fellow L4 boomer
Technically, at 33, we're still millennials. Sad, I know.
I went through very similar. I stopped enjoying work because of the constant struggle to prove myself for the next level. I was quite underleveled as well. I started hating work after a while and became the guy who used to be excited to take on new/more work to someone who started shirking work, to the point I started being late with my work items. I interviewed outside , got a level that I felt was purported acceptable for the YoE and what I felt I'd be able to handle. Sometimes changing companies/roles can help you feel appreciated.
Delete work email from your phone. Only check it during working hours. Purposefully disconnecting helps a lot.
+1 don't check work email or chat etc when at home.
Yep. I stopped checking work emails at home and working crazy hours to prove myself after: a) Being passed on a promotion to senior 6 years ago because I'm not chinese; b) Having my daughter. I'm always consciously pushing myself to leave work at work, no matter the consequences, because it's easy to fall back to old habits... And it's not like someone's life depends on it... at the end of the day it's just a damn job and most people won't remember you when you die (remember what happened to Dennis Ritchie?) except your family and close friends.
Find a hobby. Turn your laptop off and remove outlook from your phone during weekends. You're not going to remember the "cool" project or any other work related BS when you're older and lying on your death bed. You'll remember the moments with friends and family.
This is very relatable. I am 30. The pressure you are feeling isn't entirely because of you being a junior eng at this age. It is mostly because the outlook we have at work. The overwhelming need to check emails, being worried about potential mistakes, its repercussions etc all the time even though they are silly are things which I do too. Since last year I started making a deliberate attempt to stop that. I stopped looking at or responding to emails during off business hours. When I am worried about a mistake, I deliberately engage myself into some hobbies etc. Hope that would help.
You can project(and/or actually do) that you will be spending some time outdoors over the weekend during lunch or some casual conversation. I find people assuming a person who doesn’t get involved with some activities as always available.
Know the exact feeling including junior dev at 30+ :(
Exactly the same feeling, my manager is making it even worse.
Y’all are at Google, a junior there isn’t the same everywhere - have perspective. If you want to be promoted, you can if you strategize.