Feeling underleveled I was putting much effort to prove that I am more capable. Working overtime is one thing but more problematic was the fact that I was taking more and more responsibilities to the point where I become insecure and not sure whether I could deliver any of those.
Before I feel this I was achieving what I wanted; delivered a few project as a junior dev, got a good review, people's trust. All of that is great but I know the pace that I was on is not sustainable any more.
My new year's resolution hence was to less care about all that shit; promo, what others would think if I am a junior dev at the age of 30+, feeling useful at work. Instead I would focus on small joys I find in life maybe, maybe something else, I don't really know what else could that be if not some sort of achievement since that was all I was after for at least last ten years.
Today I am out of office and got an email from work. Instantly I felt the pressure to respond sooner than later with thorough idea, which got me thinking, I was about to get on the train all over. I want to be chill, I want to be on my own stuff when I'm not working. I just don't know how to disconnect myself from work maybe.
If there is anyone that can relate to myself and what I have been feeling, would be nice if you can comment on how you were able to improve on the life side of work life balance, and maintain mental sanity in the long run.
I didn't expect to get this much attention and I am super grateful for all your perspectives! I've been in almost 10 different teams so far including short term projects. To be fair, my current team and work is pretty decent, if not the best, for which I am thankful. I feel like it's just me trying to learn how to better navigate life and career in this industry. As someone mentioned it truly is a constant, never ending battle; it is so damn easy to be lost and shortsighted at work, and forget about what my priority in life was like etc. I'll be making a few adjustments that are also mentioned in the comments, and go from there.
A little bit on context : I turned 28 recently and love computer science. I love staying current with so many things happening around me and that’s the problem.
When I joined my current company, I wanted to learn the ins and outs of the entire codebase. Basically, my goal was to work hard initially and get to a point where in rest often life at the company would be a breeze. First few months, I did all my tasks way before time and a lot more on my own. Earned trust. Company realized this and started giving me more challenging tasks.
I liked doing this. Felt like working on challenging projects was giving me a better grip on the architecture side of things.
Until recently. I was not considered for promotion for when I wanted. Felt like I earned it. But realized it doesn’t work that way. Gave up. Lost interest in my current company. Just doing things slowly and as they come. Not rushing to solutions even though I kind of know it. I felt cheated. Made me realize I am just another cog. Found a better role with a much higher TC. Moving soon.