Overstressed at work voluntarily

Jan 3 229 Comments

Feeling underleveled I was putting much effort to prove that I am more capable. Working overtime is one thing but more problematic was the fact that I was taking more and more responsibilities to the point where I become insecure and not sure whether I could deliver any of those.

Before I feel this I was achieving what I wanted; delivered a few project as a junior dev, got a good review, people's trust. All of that is great but I know the pace that I was on is not sustainable any more.

My new year's resolution hence was to less care about all that shit; promo, what others would think if I am a junior dev at the age of 30+, feeling useful at work. Instead I would focus on small joys I find in life maybe, maybe something else, I don't really know what else could that be if not some sort of achievement since that was all I was after for at least last ten years.

Today I am out of office and got an email from work. Instantly I felt the pressure to respond sooner than later with thorough idea, which got me thinking, I was about to get on the train all over. I want to be chill, I want to be on my own stuff when I'm not working. I just don't know how to disconnect myself from work maybe.

If there is anyone that can relate to myself and what I have been feeling, would be nice if you can comment on how you were able to improve on the life side of work life balance, and maintain mental sanity in the long run.

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I didn't expect to get this much attention and I am super grateful for all your perspectives! I've been in almost 10 different teams so far including short term projects. To be fair, my current team and work is pretty decent, if not the best, for which I am thankful. I feel like it's just me trying to learn how to better navigate life and career in this industry. As someone mentioned it truly is a constant, never ending battle; it is so damn easy to be lost and shortsighted at work, and forget about what my priority in life was like etc. I'll be making a few adjustments that are also mentioned in the comments, and go from there.

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TOP 229 Comments
  • HuffPost jiffyq
    I know that exact feeling.
    A little bit on context : I turned 28 recently and love computer science. I love staying current with so many things happening around me and that’s the problem.

    When I joined my current company, I wanted to learn the ins and outs of the entire codebase. Basically, my goal was to work hard initially and get to a point where in rest often life at the company would be a breeze. First few months, I did all my tasks way before time and a lot more on my own. Earned trust. Company realized this and started giving me more challenging tasks.
    I liked doing this. Felt like working on challenging projects was giving me a better grip on the architecture side of things.

    Until recently. I was not considered for promotion for when I wanted. Felt like I earned it. But realized it doesn’t work that way. Gave up. Lost interest in my current company. Just doing things slowly and as they come. Not rushing to solutions even though I kind of know it. I felt cheated. Made me realize I am just another cog. Found a better role with a much higher TC. Moving soon.
    Jan 3 10
    • Microsoft fuckdis
      @streetfood, I believe what @aboveal is saying also applies to tech companies (at least in my experience).
      Jan 8
    • @huffpost - I can so relate to this. Right time, right people and more importantly right manager is very important .
      Feb 12
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Micron rSUY02
      I used to work on weekends since I was driven a ton and was politely asked by my manager to not bring in the ‘bay area culture’...WLB is not just an issue driven by a specific race or country, it is merely an outcome of capitalism. “Keep running and support each other!”
      In a way, capitalism is the reason for success ($$$, growth and fame) and failures (poor WLB) of Silicon Valley

      BTW...I’m dying to be in the “Bay Area culture” :)
      Jan 7
    • Flagged by the community.

  • Amazon NFEG08
    There is a ton of older junior devs. I am one at 33. You are already working for one of the most desirable companies in the world, don't worry about your level. Just enjoy the perks and nice compensation and float along. No job is worth compromising your health for, especially if you have so many other options. At least Google doesn't pip people left and right, I have to deal with that stress as a junior at Amazon! Do consider changing teams before you leave.
    Jan 5 13
    • Stripe boolsac
      lol... don't feed the troll, kids
      Jan 5
    • Amazon y33tcode
      Anyone reading this after the fact, it's a meme. Actually it's funny because arguing about the definition of a boomer, means it went over your head, and actually looks as if you are a boomer. "30-year-old boomer" has a knowyourmeme page. In short: YIKES.
      Feb 10
  • Atlassian d@t_person
    Know the exact feeling including junior dev at 30+ :(
    Jan 3 3
    • Northrop Grumman wiz🧙🏻‍♂️
      Y’all are at Google, a junior there isn’t the same everywhere - have perspective.

      If you want to be promoted, you can if you strategize.
      Jan 5
    • Tableau teslamode3
      ✋ Junior Dev as well at 30+, even more sucks when other Juniors get promoted, oh well, it will come when it comes or jump company
      Jan 5
  • Amazon / Eng pipMeister
    Dude, leave Google and go work for a dope start up like snowflake or coinbase or something. Now that you have Google on your resume you can work anywhere in any field at any level you want
    Jan 5 10
    • New / Eng
      _phoenix_

      New Eng

      BIO
      True Leetcoder
      _phoenix_more
      Are remote positions offered globally at Riot ?
      Jan 5
    • Riot Games GDNy18
      My friends company is Healthify. Their head of engineering is a former colleague of mine at Riot.
      Jan 5
  • New UqmH75
    Ever buried a coworker? I have. He worked 60+ hrs, stressed like hell, took on so many tasks, died at 30. Very nice and helpful guy too. BBeen at the company for 8 years and yet less than 10 of us from the company were at his funeral.

    His laptop was encrypted so his data couldn't be recovered. Nothing stopped, it was as if he was never there. That experience changed me for life. Work hard but not at the expense of your personal life.
    Jan 5 3
    • Google GzUY73
      Someone on my extended team passed away suddenly too, with no explanation. I always wondered what happened. It was very unsettling how quickly he was replaced and how little anyone said or did when he was gone. Just an email and an empty anecdote from a manager about how he kept extra napkins at his desk. 😔
      Jan 5
    • NASA cIGk04
      "Nothing stopped, it was as if he was never there."

      I've seen this too. No one is irreplaceable.
      Jan 6
  • Amazon kPqM05
    Find a hobby. Turn your laptop off and remove outlook from your phone during weekends. You're not going to remember the "cool" project or any other work related BS when you're older and lying on your death bed. You'll remember the moments with friends and family.
    Jan 5 7
    • Microsoft Hwswcs
      WTF! Really? This scares me. Can you elaborate more on "co-workers who passed"
      Jan 6
    • Amazon seattle4u
      The illnesses weren’t work related and/or suicide. It was just fate. Two of them were actually in their 20s even :(
      Jan 6
  • Google lvhloha
    People don’t love you on the team. The company does not love you. If you fuck up, people won’t even care that much. The thing is - people don’t really think about you very much. They are just going to work to do their own jobs.

    It is possible to make real friendships at work. And then there are some people who will care and love you but it’s not because of your work output.

    If you get fired that’s not a big deal, there’s plenty of other roles and some of the best things in life happen because of a failure. Good thing if you fail too because life isn’t meant to be a drag and a chore, it would open you up to finding another match.

    I say - enjoy work for you, join a team where you care about the end user and get satisfaction from team wins for making the world a better place, and bring humanity into the workplace - try to see people as people and talk to them as their individual self rather than as a piece of a workplace-task-puzzle.

    I have a bit of a DGAF attitude while also being really hopeful to build cool stuff for our end user. I’ve been leaving at 5pm everyday. This has been working for me.
    Jan 5 3
    • GzUY73 famous last words lol
      Feb 14
    • Amazon B.Lumbergh
      This is super true. This year I gave everything for my role and team. Stuck it out through pretty rough times. 99% of the time I kicked ass; was late on one initiative roll out, now I’m on the Dev List (next step before being fired at Amazon).

      There is no loyalty. They don’t give a fuck about you or what you did. There is no foresight. I’ve learned that and will only think about what’s best for me, not even my team.
      Yesterday
  • Microsoft GTFO+++
    I went through very similar. I stopped enjoying work because of the constant struggle to prove myself for the next level. I was quite underleveled as well.

    I started hating work after a while and became the guy who used to be excited to take on new/more work to someone who started shirking work, to the point I started being late with my work items.

    I interviewed outside , got a level that I felt was purported acceptable for the YoE and what I felt I'd be able to handle.

    Sometimes changing companies/roles can help you feel appreciated.
    Jan 5 7
    • Microsoft GTFO+++
      Moving tomorrow to same place jebeb works 🤭. The level and generous pay bump helped tremendously with the morale.
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft tempPM
      Same position. Industry hire, underleveled. Looking to move to an appropriate level to the same place as you guys, even if there isn't a major TC increase.
      Jan 5
  • Microsoft yWqK01
    Know the exact feeling, although I am 30 and swe2. But can resonate with your feelings. But trust me that's what is needed to grow in life.
    I became chill in one of my previous employers where I wasted large part of my career and learned almost nothing significant. But after that I have developed this self instilled restlessness about doing everything right quickly.
    Consider it this way, make your work part of your life, do not treat work and life as different entities. To become happy it's not necessary you disconnect from your work completely.
    If you want to grow your work and life should marry with each other. Otherwise you will always crib about work life balance and stress
    Jan 5 7
    • Microsoft presci
      This sounds like straight up Amazon
      Jan 5
    • Indeed / Eng indoodle
      I feel like yWqK01 may not be expressing their ideas properly. It does sound extreme and weird, but I can see where he is coming from. WLB can mean different things for everyone. For some it means 9-5pm and disconnecting. For others, it may mean the ability to control what time of the day they work, deliver to meet or exceed expectations and still have the opportunity to take as much time off as needed while working fast and hard when actually in the office or « on the clock ». For me WLB is the later. I sprint at work, I don’t like marathons because I get bored. I give 110% for a few weeks, and take a couple weeks off to travel.
      Feb 10

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