https://theunboundedspirit.com/the-lessons-of-a-bird-a-short-story/ Manager gave this to me after we spoke about me being harassed by a male team member (I have not filed any official report, but it was noticed by him and others and thus, a conversation was necessary). Some lessons, and maybe insight into the manager’s thought process: Being a woman in tech == being a nonconforming sparrow. Harassment situation is warm manure that I should be happy to be in. The harasser is not my enemy and the manure is supposed to make me warm and happy and able to breathe? Like it is protecting me in some way that I’m not aware of. The manager might get me out of this shit but he’s not my friend. (This is actually a real lesson). If you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut. (if being in this situation made me warm and happy, I suppose I would’ve rejected having the conversation, i.e. kept my mouth shut). I genuinely think he was trying to be helpful...
Your manager gave you a parable about being happy putting up with other people's sh*t?!? That is an absolute load of BS. I would be so angry.
Any of them Indian?
No
Your racist a** can now cool down
Anyhow, I would talk to a lawyer before coming to HR to raise this. Retaliation is real, and the companies have lawyers to deal with the aftermath.
1. Report 2.GTFO 3. Bonus: tell this story to HR(manager) Out of curiosity: Do you agree that you are nonconforming?
No, not nonconforming at all. Ivy League, worked in tech for a few years. I think my teenage self would call me a square. Being female is the way I don’t conform to the group that the guy does not harass (the male team members).
Need a referral?
Yes, please! 🙏 I would be eternally grateful
Please dm me your email. Not sure how effective my referral would be. But you need to get out of this shit
In my 15 years as a tech worker I’ve seen harassment as a female but never like this. That’s some grade A bullshit. Leave while they are still hiring developers for breathing.
1. Your manager is fucked in the head. 2. You should file a complaint, log every incident. 3. Remember that HR is not there to protect you, but the company. As a result, you should try to find other opportunities outside as well.