I have a beautiful baby girl... my heart is filled with love for this little bundle of joy who wasn’t even on this earth this time last year. Since then, something strange has happened to me... I constantly worry (me! who had a carefree life before she was born!) Recently I was boarding a flight and panicked that I might die. Here is the interesting part - I was least afraid of the part where I would die (I just skipped that part forward, and panicked what would happen to her. Who will take care of her... will she know how much I love her?) Four questions: 1) Is this normal or am I being paranoid? 2) What can I do as a plan B so that she grows up well in the event something happens to me? (my spouse and I travel separately now so that at least one of us can be there for her. But financially, how should I make sure she is secure?) 3) In a few years, she is going to have a lot of admirers (I am telling you - I have no idea how she is so beautiful - I seriously thought my partner had an affair or something but dismissed the idea because I realized it wasn’t possible!) How do I make sure she focusses on studies and not get swayed by emotions when she is a teenager. ( would having a lot of German shepherds help?) 4) How can I live longer so that I am there for her as long as possible? I am working on fixing my diet - but any health tips are also greatly appreciated.
You’re so cute but also like super weird!
From the comments, it looks like majority of parents are also cute and weird 😝
You need a therapist. But if you really want advice from Blind: That panic and anxiety you feel is rooted in the fact that you secretly believe you may not be the father. You mentioned it and dismissed the idea as ridiculous. A big mistake! Get a blood test done. You may be raising someone else’s baby, and if you act like the father even though you’re not you will still be on the hook for child support. And there is nothing you can do about it. You don’t even need your partner’s permission to get the test done. You can buy a paternity kit online. Trust but verify.
This was unnecessary. Yes op needs to dial back, and possibly a therapist may help. But your armchair psychology omg epic trolling.
Right lol, armchair psychology. Why do you think this way @Microsoft? Extremely strange, is it personal experience?
This is “normal”, a little sweet, and a little too much. Yes many new parents (and old parents!) obsess over their children and their future, and their present and their every action and decision and choice and...you get the idea. I mean, you’re already thinking about teenagers and studies and admirers. Dude! Chill a bit. Nothing to sweat about but learn to back off, in your mind, a little bit, so that you will back off, in reality, a lot as the kid is growing up, and even after. Nothing as difficult as a stifling parents love (ask me I know!). In short: 1) congratulations! I’m thrilled for you 2) relax it will all be fine, 3) take things one day at a time, do not waste the precious present by worrying about potential futures.
Thank you desi ghee - your advice is much appreciated! 🤗
https://siliconvalleystories.blogspot.com/2020/02/book-summary-subtle-art-of-not-giving-f.html - can you relate to this ? Work/live in an environment more appropriate to life stage
Thank you 🙏🏼 I like it - I will try to relax... It is a little difficult because I haven’t been sleeping well - I get up multiple times at night to check on her - I keep checking she is breathing fine. My heart... my heart.. ❤️!
Its quite normal. Its good to plan for ur kids future incase you are not there. Have a good life insurance and estate plan/will
This may be a light hearted post. If so, enjoy your time with your precious little one! But if you are chronically worrying about the baby and crying over imaginary situations, you may have post partum depression.
Nope - no post partum depression. I am a happy person in general and feel so blessed with her. Yes I enjoy my time with her, and I am not chronically worrying about it. I just want to make sure I plan in advance and do the right things for her. We come from a different culture where dating is frowned upon before marriage. (Come to think of it - you can’t date even after marriage 😂) Anyway, I don’t want her to feel restricted when she grows up and see her friends going on dates and she is not allowed to. (At least till she is 20 or so). I know it sounds strict but I never had any problem with it because that is the norm back home. So important decisions need to be taken - should we go to home country now so that she grows up with the same idea of what’s normal rather than exposing her to freedom and then envy her friends for having a bit too much of it? I know it sounds a little too strict - but I am so glad I didn’t do any mistakes growing up - I will forever be thankful to my mom for protecting me - I didn’t have to deal with unwanted emotions and could focus on my emotional well being and studies rather than feel like my life was a series of mistakes (like many of my friends felt after they got into relationships when they were too young to think more logically ) I also want to be her best friend like my mom is to me - but I know that I need to be a parent first even if it means she sometimes might hate me.
What do German Shepherds have to do with being pretty or studying in high school?
I think three things: 1) Teenagers tend to look for validation outside (especially if they feel they aren’t getting enough love or validation). GSDs love you so much that you won’t need to look for that outside, and they are really smart - so they will keep you entertained ) 2) As they are high energy dogs, she will need to take them out and go for a run - it is well known that exercise keeps hormones in check and endorphins make you happy. So she would be better equipped to deal with the whacky hormones during her teenage years 3) Any unwanted attention from boys could potentially be avoided. Especially the ones with bad intentions - I think dogs tend to be good judge of characters. Note : I was a very studious student in school and college. I was always the top scorer and I was a really good kid throughout (never gave my parents any reason to be worried and they were extremely good parents as well. My mom was (and still is) my best friend growing up. In the looks department, I was just average - yet I had a lot of unwanted attention (which made me realize at a very young age that there is nothing special about me - Girls(and young women ) will always have unwanted attention whether or not they like it. I also saw a lot of really good looking girls succumbing to “love” during school and college and even dropping out of school (because of many reasons following that). Hence I am worried about her (I am hoping that if she takes after me - she will be low maintenance and grounded, but if she takes after my husband in her personality as well - she is going to be a drama queen !!! 😝)
OP, I’m a mom to a little one and I feel exactly the same way. We’ve set up a trust, have her college money in a 529b that will be sufficient for any educational needs when it’s time for college, and are working on figuring out who will have primary and secondary custody if something happens to us — grandparents, our best friends, etc. It hasn’t really stopped me from worrying, though. I want so badly to make sure that she knows that we love her. I’ve put together picture albums and scrapbook, etc. but am not sure it’s sufficient. Some people write their kids letters...sigh. Wish I had answers.
Thank you - this makes me feel better! ( and normal!). I like the idea of letters - will do that! I will probably just email my sister and ask her to show those to her ?
I think that’s a great idea, and that you’re completely normal. Maybe it’s more of a mom thing, but I’m having to accept that my heart now lives outside of my body. ❤️
Buy term life insurance.
Yeah. This is exactly the situation one should purchase. Probably until college grad.
Ok - how much does the term life insurance need to be so that her education and stuff are taken care of (at least til she is 30?). Which term life insurance is the best ?
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Don't over think it. Don't suffocate her so much that she ends up pushing you out of her life the first chance she gets. Get a healthy term life insurance and create a trust.
As of now, she is a baby and she can’t seem to get enough of me either - definitely not suffocating her. Perhaps you are referring to my concerns about when she is a teenager. I think all parents have this concern (especially for daughters) - we want to protect them, especially when they are not old enough to know right from wrong.
And instead of wasting money on traveling separately, put it in her 529. Let her make her mistakes early when she can recover... Rather than protecting her so much that she doesn't know how to fail and recover later in life when she's on her own