My male coworker has been a jerk to me ever since he started a month ago (talking over me in meetings, mansplaining my standup contributions, taking work). Nothing I’m working on requires him right now and so I’ve just been giving him a wide berth as have others on the team. I think he’s noticed and has started a campaign to humanize himself, including, recently, bringing his wife and few month old baby to work one day, and baked goods, like as a peace offering. It was awkward meeting her. How do you say to someone, “Hi, your husband is the first guy that has ever been an a-hole to me, apparently because of gender, since I started working in tech.” The first (and only) story he ever told me about her, before he decided that women are bad engineers and should be summarily dismissed, was that she was harassed out of grad school by a male supervisor. And she went into treatment for depression as a result, and through that, he learned about the Me Too movement. And yet, here we are. (Yes, there was one day he wasn’t a jerk. It was his literal first day at the company). I don’t know how to proceed with working with this guy. I can’t avoid him forever. I’ve been accepting interviews in case it gets bad. TL;DR Male coworker dismissive of female engineers (including my) work. And/or takes the work and tries to pass it off as his. What to do? edit: the guy is the one that called this behavior metoo when someone else was acting like this to his wife. i thought of that when i met her. but, I’ve removed the designation so there will be less focus on the term and more focus on the behavior.
Instead of correcting someone else's experience, apply the principle of charity and assume the strongest possible interpretation of what was said. Then try to empathize, and give helpful suggestions instead of things that won't really improve OP's situation. Stated another way: what would you have to say if that single phrase weren't put into the post at all? Would you have anything constructive to contribute? What would that be?
Salesforce. You seem really smart and I like you.
I agree with Amazon. What he's doing to you is an asshole move regardless of you being a woman imo. I wouldn't like anyone to do that to me either.
That being said you should speak to him and let him know that he's behaving like an asshole.
Not sure if u would prefer talking to him 1-1,like giving him a heads-up of what he might see if he doesn't stop behaving in a negative way that's affecting you as it appears. Or if you don't prefer this way go do a skip-level, which defly shud help you. This seems to be a behavioral issue so be cautious before u term it as a #metoo issue. Even girls can act this way.
Handle the situation like an adult and talk face to face to the guy, avoiding this person is not the solution
Do you work for Nordstrom?
No, I don’t
Don’t leave he’s the one that must go. If you’re asking what to do it means that there’s pretty toxic environment in your company. I don’t have a second thought when someone is being sexist, I’ll just talk to my boss or boss of my boss. If your company doesn’t give a sh*t don’t be shy and be assertive with this dick. If he interrupts you - say i’m speaking now, taking your work? Say I don’t need your help. Presenting your work as his? Just make sure all your colleagues know who is working on the project, send “status updates “ via email etc. Defend yourself. These dicks only understand the language of ppwer. They’re like dogs - if you do not assert yourself they will own you. Speak to him the dog language that he understands. Good luck sister.
Well, first document his behavior and then have a meeting with him. Your documentation should include dates, times, where and who was present and the specific negative impact it had on your work. If he denies things, let him know you’ve been documenting and that should signal to him that you’re serious. Let him know clearly which behavior is and isn’t know and then document that meeting with him. If nothing changes, talk to managers. Continue documenting. You might even send everyone an email after your meetings that thank them for meeting with you regarding your unfair gender based treatment and want to confirm their position that it’s simply all in your head. If you need to talk to HR then you’ll have your documentation, which they will know will make you an excellent client for an employment lawyer, so they’ll make sure that doesn’t happen. Try to avoid HR though they’re often useless, talk to this persons manager.
Don't speak to him, I think if you could speak to him and openly explain how you feel about his words and attitude then we would not read this post. Don't force yourself into it. But speak to his manager and if that doesn't help, speak to HR
The purpose of speaking to him is because that’s simply the first step and shows that OP is reasonable and went directly to the person she has a problem with. It will also show no change, positive change, or negative change on his part. Negative change is retaliation and that’s also a huge deal. But going to the person is always a first step.
That what many people would do, go talk to the person, but that is not easy for some people. And that is why we realize that can become a problem. I remember at Tableau we had training that specifically says go talk to HR, don't talk to that person. I think that is because that person does not realize what he is doing, so a first few minutes of conversation would be explaining a problem to that person . And OP already is not comfortable coming close to him. Why torture yourself? Especially if that person may not take it seriously first hand. Manager has higher chance of listening to OP's story, and then explaining the issue to that person. At no harm to anyone's carma, which may be different in case if HR gets involved. Consequences are just my thoughts. But I would suggest talking to manager first if you hesitate talking in person. Now if you can talk with him in person , that is the best way to start the conversation. In any case prepare examples showing bad behavior
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Talk to your manager, skip level if necessary. If things don't change, go to HR and change teams or companies. On a personal note, sorry to hear about this. I can't directly relate but it sounds awful