Update: to people why I got a roommate - surprisingly, I had a good experience with my previous roommates. Ex-roommate who I lived together for 3 years until I moved to the new city, she only brought a friend occasionally and they would stay quietly in their room and leave early. Her friend would never sleep over. Funnily enough I didn’t even need to ask anything because she took all precautions about covid (making sure her guest is vaccinated) and privacy. She also always asked me at least a day before when she invited a friend (and I never said no). We never had any issue over guests, noise or paying the bills. She and I were compatible and I was hoping a living environment like this. The roommate before her didn’t enjoy bringing guests home either so it was fine. I guess I was just super lucky. One bedroom in this city is $3500+. My monthly income is nowhere 3x than that. Why are people all so mad? In the end my roommate had her friend over, I didn’t say any single word and instead posted here first, because if I have to move out, I will. I’m not kicking her out. Is it a sin to have a social anxiety? Should all socially anxious people just totally isolate themselves from the society because we’re weird and don’t function as normal people? I don’t know think you’re normal either if you choose to spend your time bullying a mentally struggling person when you can do million better things on the internet. Fyi I posted this in the “Mental Health” forum. I’ve had social anxiety for years and am proactively taking medication and getting therapies. However I find it very uncomfortable when a stranger enters my apartment. I just moved to a new city and when getting a roommate, I made this explicit. My roommate moved in knowing this and agreed not to have guests over. She however had her sister over for the entire first month when she moved in because she needed some help. This made me uncomfortable so I told her about it but she was mad at me trying to have this talk because she’s paying for the rent and she has the right to do whatever she wants to do. So I let her sister stay for the whole month. Last night was Sunday night and I was sick in bed. And I have work on Monday. Apparently she sent me a text at 8pm Sunday if she can have her friend over (my roommate is a student). I was sleeping so I didn’t read it. Today, monday morning, I woke up and this stranger that I don’t know if fully vaccinated is in my living room with my roommate. She invited her knowing my social anxiety and not having consent from me. I was still nice and said hello and had a small talk with her friend but explained to them I had work because it’s Monday (I work from home). I asked her friend if she’s staying and she said she’s leaving. The apartment has very bad soundproofing and I had meetings but her friend stayed and they hung out really loudly. It’s been 17 hours and her friend is still here. I locked myself in my room now but I feel my roommate was so rude and disrespectful that she pretended she agreed with me and is not sticking to her own words. There were other occasions where she had loud phone calls on speakers (never wear headphones) in communal areas when I had meetings. Whenever I try to talk nicely about things she gets frustrated because “she doesn’t want other people to tell her what to do.” I’m trying not to be an asshole but that’s why I was upfront and transparent about the social anxiety thing I have with the guests and looked for someone who was okay with this. Her behavior is making me super anxious, nervous, and very hard to focus on work. Once the anxiety is triggered I can never relax and I feel unsafe. Should I find someone else to take over the lease and move out?
Kick the roommate out. You work at facebook. You can afford to not have roommates.
Can you kick someone out of their lease? Typically no.
Definitely move out.
Your roommate does have the right to invite people over as she pays her half of the rent. What’s weird is that you discussed this explicitly beforehand, so she would have known this before deciding to live with you. Unfortunately, looks like the only recourse you have is to move out.
Flagged as harrassment, inspect yourself.
Thanks for calling me weird. I know people with social anxiety like myself is weird but that’s why we take treatments to get better. I also wish I were like normal people and it does feel like a curse.
if you have social anxiety maybe having a studio may be helpful for you. it could be a little more expensive but at least you won’t be miserable. This way you can socialize and go out when you want to without having people come in without warning.
Why don't you have an apartment by yourself? I thought Facebook pays good salary
Welcome to the Bay Area, where a 1 bedroom apartment is 100k a month
I feel your pain. No matter who you move in with, you'll always experience some discomfort. The people that roommate with you are just triggers and your anxiety is the problem. I was in the same boat for 5 years and now I'd rather pay more in rent than live with a stranger.
Yes move out eventually. You basically cannot ask this of someone without trust, it is shitty of her to break your trust but you have no recourse except to have a sit down with her and remind her of the discussion you had before signing the lease and ask for her help to do a better job. You can also find a replacement and ask her to move.