Sexual harassment resolution

Shipt ypLN26
Dec 31, 2019 74 Comments

A coworker shared sexually intimate details, fetishized a racial group, shared images of woman he had sexual relations with, to me and a new hire. I immediately reported to our manager, who reported it to HR. The coworker in question apparently has been talked to already, and was apparently explicitly told not to talk about of the incident, including apologizing. I found out when I followed up with my manager today. My manager told me that he is on thin ice and knows not to do anything questionable now.

I feel like this is an attempt to sweep things under the rug. I’m going to talk to HR personally to find a solution. I’m curious what would be a reasonable ask.



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TOP 74 Comments
  • Microsoft XJsz1M6$2N
    Feels like an overreaction. Give people a chance to improve. Walk away from the situations that you are not comfortable with. Why fire a person over this? Doesn't feel like a proportionate punishment.
    Dec 31, 2019 12
    • Empower RF Systems otep
      In my days the “victims” would say something like “shut up Steve ffs, no one cares” the first time and “Steve, I am gonna tell on you” the second time. How are you guys handling the real world if you need an institution to handle every conflict?
      Dec 31, 2019
    • Expedia Group foment
      I would tend to agree...the person should be reprimanded but this doesnt sound like he was purposefully trying to put OP in a uncomfortable place to harass him/her. Rather he just has a big mouth and a limited understanding of boundaries...unless this a pattern of behaviors that is ongoing despite being reprimanded in the past. In which case the result should be more severe
      Dec 31, 2019
  • Airbnb wise taco
    If this isn't a fireable behavior at your company, I'd strongly suggest leaving. Culture is what people at the company do, not what they say.
    Dec 31, 2019 6
    • Google 🍑☁️
      If you are not an executive, you do not have the power to change the culture. Your hard work trying will be neither effective nor rewarded.

      Find a job at a place that already has good values.
      Dec 31, 2019
    • Airbnb wise taco
      Since it's a startup, if you personally know someone high up enough, you can ask for a 1-on-1 and explain the problem. If you don't, your chances of changing the culture by yourself are negligible and you should move on.
      Dec 31, 2019
  • Empower RF Systems otep
    Interesting how the definition of harassment has evolved in the past 15 years.
    Dec 31, 2019 3
    • Empower RF Systems otep
      And there are folks suggesting to quit the company because of some idiot. Very different dynamic these days, I feel like a dinosaur
      Dec 31, 2019
    • Snapchat ghostcafe
      Wonder what the intimate details were
      Dec 31, 2019
  • Tesla 🐉⛈
    HR is going to protect managers and high performers.
    Dec 31, 2019 16
    • Cognizant outing
      "look at how hot this chick I'm banging is" 🤷‍♂️
      Jan 1
    • Microsoft 10c5292v
      that's just as bad as showing nudes
      Jan 1
  • Google givewizard
    Just so you know, you've included enough details to be identified. Seems risky, unless you're not worried about them finding out.
    Dec 31, 2019 1
    • Shipt ypLN26
      Took out some details. Thanks for tip
      Dec 31, 2019
  • Facebook ⭕️v⭕️
    This is not sexual harassment.
    Dec 31, 2019 0
  • Twilio underwtr1
    Sexual harassment happens when something persists after being told to stop. (Save for the obvious extreme cases directed at you physically or verbally).

    In this case the co-worker was speaking of theirself and their actions. Tell them to stop, if it continues have them fired.
    Dec 31, 2019 5
    • Twilio underwtr1
      @Goofle dont need a lawyer to do a bing search

      "Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted)."

      Frequent or severe
      Dec 31, 2019
    • Clover Health 🤖beepboop
      Okay, so it doesn't require being told to stop, and it doesn't need to be physical or verbal. Got it.
      Dec 31, 2019
  • Intel resist

    you can share what you know and confirm you have been heard. Now move on
    Dec 31, 2019 4
    • Microsoft 10c5292v
      Who is writing these mythic job descriptions you keep bringing up?
      Dec 31, 2019
    • Tinder trolol
      This doesn’t sound like harassment. The person was reprimanded immediately and stopped the behavior. There’s nothing left to do.
      Dec 31, 2019
  • Google NSvj37
    Crass? Immature? Cringey? Sure. Sexual harassment? No (unless such qualifying details were omitted). Fire-able offense? Depends on the details (the description is confusing ("...told not to talk about of the incident...")).

    Per you manager, there has already been a remedy - apparently this employee has been spoken too and given an ultimatum. It's not your place to get involved in another employee's employment status.
    Dec 31, 2019 0
  • Cognizant outing
    It's weird to me how open this guy is when he's not friends with you.

    I have coworkers who tell me insane sexual stories, but it's usually after some rapport.

    I'm still not sure how this is harassment though. Did you tell him you weren't interested and he kept going on? Did he hold you guys down and force you to listen?
    Dec 31, 2019 0


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