Spouse struggling with mental health

Cisco
Persistant

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Persistant
Apr 19 111 Comments

I need suggestions on how to handle this. We are trying every opportunity to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. It has been a big struggle. They are seeing a counselor who recommended seeing a psychiatrist. There are no appointments available for the next few weeks. These are some of the behaviors.

Extremely anxious, worried, and scared to resign from their current job. They believe they own the code they wrote and are responsible for all future maintenance. Their employer can sue if they resign. Their team, manager, and skip are going to find bugs in the code and threaten them to stay and find issues in the code. I tried explaining employment at will. They are not listening and not understanding. They say CEO is going to come after them. Their boss, skip and so many others are going to frame them.

Walking restlessly all waking hours, roaming around the house all the time

Talking to themselves a lot, brushing teeth multiple times during the day, crying, I think slapping themselves(they say they are clapping)

Talking to me nonstop not giving me a break from them, chasing me wherever I am going, and saying they feel like constantly talking.

Till we get an appointment with psychiatrist, is there anything we can try?

Update 1: Thank you all for your inputs and suggestions. They have therapy appointments next week and the following week. I also bought some OTC meds and drinks prescribed here. They are taking those and they are not going into full-blown episodes. I have figured out where to go in case of a psychiatric emergency.

One question they asked me to ask blind: are they responsible for code, and bugs that occur in code after they resign? If not the person who wrote it, who is going to take care of it? What if no one else in the company is knowledgeable about it. I tried explaining a lot and they are not listening to me. I know only a mental health professional can talk through these. In case, you can respond, that will be enormously helpful.

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TOP 111 Comments
  • What you're describing definitely requires a professional. The only thing to remember: this will not disappear by itself. Brain is just another organ, and your spouse needs to see a doctor to help with this.
    The tricky part is that you have to find a way to bring them to a doctor as in the US it's on at will basis and people with such symptoms refuse to think they're in trouble.
    Apr 19 6
    • Cisco
      Persistant

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      Persistant
      OP
      I am not doing well at all. I take some time for myself during the weekend to relax but the weekday is beyond exhausting for me. I am concerned about what health issues I am going to face, being through so much stress with my spouse.

      I plan to use my employer's mental health benefits to get therapy for myself at least so I can take care of myself.
      Apr 19
    • Do that. By the end of the day our health is the only thing that matters the most.
      Apr 19
  • New
    KHlh00

    New

    KHlh00
    Could this be early onset schizophrenia? Can you drive them to private care at McLean Hospital for ex?
    Apr 19 2
    • Cisco
      Persistant

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      Persistant
      OP
      I suspect this is the case too. Many of the things they are saying do not make any sense, have no reasoning, show extreme fear and they are extremely suspicious of their team.
      Apr 19
    • It doesn't have to be schizophrenia. Psychotic breaks and disordered thinking can happen for other reasons.

      OP, I began breaking with reality a bit over a decade ago after some major life changes and a stressful work environment. I ran out of work and found myself standing on a bridge, ready to jump. I suddenly had the ability to see myself from a more rational perspective and saw that I was not just depressed, that there was something very wrong with my mind. I was paranoid, reactive, suicidal. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and found that I'd had a mixed manic episode. I didn't expect meds to do anything for me but after a month I woke up one morning and it was like someone had reached into my brain and turned down the crazy. I can't even remember how bad it was now.

      I think the advice you've gotten to have them evaluated right now at a hospital is a good one. Your partner is almost certain to continue to decline, and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to recover.

      I wish you the best, and strength to support your own mental health along with your partner's.
      7d
  • How is their manager? Gas lighting or making your spouse a scapegoat for their mistake leading to extreme anxiety? Hoping this is a temp situation and they’ll get over it soon
    Apr 19 7
    • Cisco
      Persistant

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      Persistant
      OP
      The more they talk, it does seem like the manager is gaslighting quite a bit. Their manager became a director recently and is not technical at all
      Apr 19
    • SAP
      majum

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      majum
      OP, I have had a friend's husband leave corporate Tech ENTIRELY, because of his manager. Like your spouse's, in his case too, the manager was new, inept and on top of that, tried to play politics to mask his ineptitude. My friend's husband couldn't take it and left the job AND tech, for good. Do not underestimate the pain a bad boss can levy. If at all possible, have one of your spouse's colleagues perhaps call & assuage your spouse & give them good feedback on their work. Basically, anything to counter or lessen the huge negative effect the manager has left on your spouse.
      7d
  • Amazon
    Vajd00

    Go to company page Amazon

    Vajd00
    Appalled by some of these comments. OP you’re in a tough spot, I feel for you. You’re doing the right thing trying to make sure your spouse gets professional help from a therapist/psychiatrist. It can be frustrating how slow it gets- sometimes you can take them to the hospital to see a psychiatrist as a walk in if it gets really bad, check in with your healthcare provider. There often are emergency mental health services if you need them, or they can try to expedite an appointment somehow.

    Also, make sure you’re taking care of yourself. It’s hard when someone you love needs you so much and it can be exhausting and draining, and you can’t take care of them if your mental health starts to suffer too. Get some exercise, talk to friends or family, do something that brings you peace.

    Best of luck and I hope things get better!
    Apr 19 0
  • Blend
    G5oPhNN7

    Go to company page Blend

    G5oPhNN7
    That seems like more than run of the mill anxiety. Keep trying to see a professional asap, and remember no one here is qualified to give advice on this
    Apr 19 0