My coworker/colleague turned out a stalker. It all started when he asked me for mentoring sessions. I was happy to help out. By the third or fourth session, he openly shared that he had a crush on me. I liked him as a friend, but no more and in all interactions behaved as such. We grabbed tea one evening after work which turned into dinner. Living alone as a single woman leaves one lonely and I figured it was okay to have a friend. So I invited him to my place once for Thanksgiving dinner. A few weeks later, without warning, he started to turn up at my place uninvited without prior notice. It disturbed me, but I didn't want to act rude. Also, I still considered him a friend. He did this two more times even once when I was sick with the flu/fever. The last time, he showed up unannounced, I was really not in the mood for company. After a couple of hours, I bade him leave. It upset him clearly. A week or so later, he showered me with text spam from all kinds of shady sources and wrote pages of hellfire. So lesson learned. Be careful whom you trust. I get the creeps daily nowadays wondering if he's standing out the door and looking in through the little crack of the front door window--just like he did the last time he showed up. P.S.: All interactions with this guy on my part involved neither romantic nor physical aspects. I'm writing this afterword in response to some insinuating comments that make this medium no different than FB.
Ok so him showing up a few times and you not stopping him might have "lead him on" and now he thinks you two are like this đ€. Now you have to stop this asap or he's gonna think there's a chance and keep on showing up and hope to get the đ±
How is him showing up unannounced when sheâs sick leading him on?
He showed up unannounced a few times before she was sick, she didn't tell him to leave, she just let him in because she didn't want to be rude and they spent time together. So that "lead him on" and he now thinks it's ok to do that. This is kind of her fault really. Not putting a stop to it in the first place. Like the other poster said. She enabled him. Pretty much lead him on.
This is not OK and no coworker should be doing this to you. Please be safe. Report this. If you're worried about reporting this, and if you have a trusted HR reporting option, i.e. HR 800 number or anonymous online chat, use it. When work life crosses over to.personal and you don't feel safe,
You have a right to demand safety and hold this guy accountable to respecting your boundaries.
You obviously havenât seen a stalker. A stalker doesnât stop when u say no to him/her. Thatâs the definition of a stalker in case u missed it. So, my point is - I wouldnât go so far as to say she is enabling it. She got caught in the vortex of the stalker. It could have been anyone.
And yes. If the girl is not assertive it doesnât give one the freedom to harass a girl. Being assertive is not the responsibility of the one who is getting stalked. If u canât hear no for an answer itâs your problem.
Please report to HR. Atleast please report to manager. Hate to say this. But, in the future please be careful before inviting someone over for dinner.
Tell him to never show up unannounced! Even my relatives donât do that.
Best advice. Men are not mind readers. If he likes you, he is going to assume the best possible situation where things are ambiguous. You cannot expect someone to obey your boundaries regarding showing up at your home if you have never explicitly told them what your boundaries are after theyâve already pushed that envelope. Yes, itâs strange in this day and age that people would do this, but there are still folks that think itâs okay to drop in on people they feel close to. When someone shows up at your home unannounced, you send them away. You also donât make excuses for behavior (eg do not say that it isnât a good time, because it implies other times are okay). âLook, youâve shown up unannounced and I do not appreciate that. I will invite you if I want you to visit my home. Go home.â
When you say "Afterwards, something happened.", do you mean you had some sort of an intimate session? Or was that just a gateway into the rest of the creeper stalking story? If a, then he was led on. If b, then he needs to go see a shrink and leave you alone. #MeTooConfused
Some people donât take rejections well. But thatâs no excuse for him to think he can go to your house unannounced and make you feel creeped out like that.
Stay away, if possible move out and be peaceful.
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Sadly some guys don't understand that being friend zoned is their own fault, and blame the girl for leading them on. It'll pass, most guys don't stay creepy after clear rejections. If he is persistent after you made it clear, it's always an option to call in the cops.