Stay US or move back to India ?

Dec 25, 2019 74 Comments

Hello blinders,

I am in confusion stage and want to get some inputs from fellow blinders. I relocated from India office to SFO office on L1-B visa. I moved here with my family last year(2018).

Short story: My wife was topper in school and college. She secured a government public bank job. She worked for 5+years as bank officer. She took 2years(as it is govt, they sanctioned) leave and moved to US along with me.

Now time has come for us to take a decision that impact both of our career and life whether we should move back or stay in USA ?

She has to make decsion by May 2020 and has to resign from her job if we decided stay here, we are confusing situation because
1.My wife and kid (6years girl) like here
2.School and life is good.
3.Good career options compare to India.
4.I can relocate to India office, but work is not that great there and lot more career options within Salesforce USA itself.

but we don't know when we will get green card and not sure whether we will be forced to moved back to India. She will have to find job again in India if forced to move after couple years due to the visa issues. She is interested to work here, but It is like starting a fresh for her again.

We both are not from financially rich family and we just started saving from last 3 years only.

Applied for 1-140 this year, hopefully by mid of Jan 2020, I will get the receipt for I-140 application. My H1-B application picked up in lottery this year and approved, soon I will be on H1-B.

My status will be H1-B approved + I-140 approved.

TC : 240k+

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TOP 74 Comments
  • Its only been a year that you moved so there are a lot of hidden aspects that will play out over next few years. (Only the negatives as you have figured the positives)
    1. After few years, you and your wife will start missing family and connections back home terribly. All those missed birthdays, anniversaries and marriages will start catching up.
    2. You will start having conflicting thoughts on raising your kid as an American. Worst in your case, the kid will not even be technically American for a long long time. Aging out issues at 21 is very real.
    3. If your wife stays at home, at some point she will get severely frustrated and depressed over staying at home and doing all the housework. Also, she will not have half decent social circle here adding to the misery.
    4. If she chooses to go back to work, it will be starting from the scratch and an uphill battle. Already a lot of companies are not considering visa candidates for non tech roles. She might pay huge opportunity cost.
    5. You’ll soon realize that even though you are making a lot of money in absolute terms, you hardly feel upper class. You cannot afford a lot of luxuries that you could easily do back home. 2-5% raises every year hardly cuts it.
    6. Always on visa uncertainty. At any point you and your family can be asked to pack up and leave. Even without that, you will always be under strict constraint on what jobs you can or cannot do.
    7. Your parents and in laws will start aging and you will find out there is no good way to deal with it from here. You will be lucky if you have siblings back home.
    8. Employment in tech once you hit early 40s is very dicey and you may lose job in ways you would have never imagined if any recession hits. Without GC, that will send you and your family back.

    Personally, I think you should go back and spare your family these struggles. Agreed, India has polluted air and adulterated food but the issues you will face here will harm your soul and affect your family psychologically in ways you cannot fathom currently. There is a trade off in both the decisions.
    Dec 25, 2019 4
    • Salesforce leet4evr
      Lol, Many people are paying a lot for MS to have a US job and u are asking him to leave.
      Dec 25, 2019
    • Cruise Automation india
      1. Personally, I have never attended my family’s birthdays and anniversaries. Hell, I don’t know what my parents’ anniversary is. I would be curious how many people celebrated anniversaries of their parents (let’s forget about other relatives) growing up. Marriages - I still attend all the close people’s - being in India, you attend all random person’s marriage but I prefer picking the people I care about and go and attend their marriages.
      2. If the kid is born in USA, then I don’t see any problem, unless parents are forcing them in some way to mingle only with Indians. I know people growing up here without any issues - if you’re worried about kids marrying Americans (as I guess most Indians do), then don’t. It’s their decision to choose whatever partner they want - As Sadhguru says, make kids independent, they are smart enough to make their decisions. If you have always guided them, then will turn out dependent on you and clueless.
      3. I agree - if your wife is working, they should not leave their job - this is applicable in India too, I don’t whats American specific about this. Lots of people in India also become housewives in-spite of help.
      4. Applicable for people in India also.
      5. Raises in India is also similar. If you are money minded, India won’t cut it since you are making less in absolute terms, if you are not money minded, USA is fine being middle class as long as you have decent amount to raise family and have an average life. The only luxury you can afford in India is help which is cheap there - if you are such a spoiled person, doing your own chores gives you headaches, maybe you should go back. Doing your own stuff yourself teaches independence, resilience and not make you lazy over the long term. These are all good values to have and instill - how many Indian fathers do any chores in India? Is it because they do not have time? Everyone has time and they choose not to - if you want such a life, good for you - go back, but don’t complain by saying that you couldn’t become Zuckerberg because you didn’t have help. There is no other luxury in India - from buying train tickets to taking an auto to paying electricity bill or getting a DL - everything is a pain.
      6. Yes, this is a real reason to go back.
      7. Another reason to go back - but this also circles back to point 5, since people have not been active in India, they have more diseases etc - in general, if you do your chores yourself and have physical activity, you will face less of such aging issues - let’s be clear, who thinks our future generation will take care of us? People are increasingly needing to take care of themselves. It will not be fair of us to depend on our children for financial support.
      8. Same as point 6 written in a different way - I agree with this.

      I cannot tell you what to do - but keep in mind, your children will be unhappy if you go back because you robbed them of opportunities here. Think if you would have preferred to grow up here vs in India. Not saying growing up in India is bad, but the amount of opportunities you get here is unmatched anywhere else.
      Dec 26, 2019
  • Walmart
    lulzsec

    Walmart

    PRE
    Google
    lulzsecmore
    I've known many who just don't want to go back come what may and stay in USA. you are on the fence about going back or not, which is a cause for concern coz that will lead to repentance later and that warrants more thinking.

    if your wife doesn't have a master's, getting a good job with 3 years degree here in the USA is tough. Jfyi, it will be a restart for her allover again and takes time. Also, H1B with 3 years under grad is tough now a days from I know.

    If your wife is a very talented person at art , music , paining and cooking kind of things, she might look at turning into a small time entrepreneur but if she has fixed 9-5 office setup work mentality and she is not able to get a job, your family will go through worse things.

    Let your wife and kids go back to India for a year and you sort out all GC and EAD stuff and get them back once she can start applying for job.

    If US market hits recession, layoffs will be huge and no GC means we will all have to go back.

    In India , even with worst case scenario, your wife will still have a good job that can feed you and your family.

    I look at it this way, your wife's job is your cash flow generator and your job is what you build assets from.

    There's no right or wrong way, decide wisely.
    Dec 25, 2019 4
    • Tableau @maythforc
      Well, the whole point of h4 EAD was to help h4 dependents married to h1 on path to GC, so why not make use of it? Yes, only tech companies do the conversion to H1B, not all. She is from banking and I'm not sure they do the conversion, all I'm saying is she can try to get a job here, not just banking, anything she wants to do with EAD. I made use of it for three years, there was always a risk with Trump administration removing it but I'm not following what happened to it now.
      Dec 25, 2019
    • Walmart
      lulzsec

      Walmart

      PRE
      Google
      lulzsecmore
      Sure fair point. I'm not suggesting the OP should go back or stay here, but just trying to list the facts.
      Dec 25, 2019
  • Apple Oslooo
    Its really important that ur wife finds a job here, else she will get bored, frustrated and depressed. It will just go downhill from there.

    If she is passionate and interested in pursuing a Masters Degree, then she should start on that journey asap. Based on ur post, she should not have a problem getting into a decent college and find a job.

    If she is not interested in pursuing a degree and finding a job from scratch, just move back ... trust me its NOT worth the $$

    Heartbroken and speaking from personal experience
    Dec 25, 2019 2
    • Oracle k-9
      I agree ☝️
      Dec 25, 2019
    • Amazon IlhT01
      +1
      Dec 25, 2019
  • Broadcom Ltd. Tock Han
    Unless you have clear path to GC return back while you can. GC backlog is very stressful with lot of uncertainty and aging out children.
    Dec 25, 2019 2
    • Google / Eng hoooli.xyz
      +1 to this.
      Dec 25, 2019
    • Microsoft kick9
      +1 on children age out. Your child will no longer be on dependent visa after few years and you will pay international fees in higher education. Go back or move to a different country.
      Jan 5
  • Cruise Automation jackolan
    Stay in the U.S. some people die to get here (literally, aka migrants at southern border). You have a great job and great salary. You can always go back to India, you cannot always come back to U.S.
    Dec 25, 2019 2
    • Walmart XQLb37
      True. Stay in the US.
      Dec 25, 2019
    • Cisco alcohol
      This is very relative
      You should not based your decision just because someone else is doing it
      Dec 25, 2019
  • The Home Depot AAWf82
    If you’re born in India I would advise you to go back.

    Ask Salesforce if they can keep the I-140 valid for a few years... in case anything happens and a clear path to GC appears, you can come back.
    Dec 25, 2019 0
  • Salesforce leet4evr
    Can your wife do a masters in CS and work in software ?
    Are your children US citizens ?
    Dec 25, 2019 7
    • Tableau @maythforc
      Well, we're just suggesting, you never know whether she has the interest, from OP's post they're not financially well off and knowing India and women's education, it is cheaper than engineering. Also bank jobs are considered good for women.
      Dec 25, 2019
    • Salesforce leet4evr
      You don't need any past experience to work in a software job.
      Anyone with a pulse can do the job.
      Dec 25, 2019
  • Amazon / Product zgsm23
    Tell your wife to get an MBA. That would 1) Give your Extra time to decide . 2) She can get a dope job post MBA.

    Just a suggestion
    Dec 25, 2019 3
    • Microsoft kick9
      If you don’t want to go back to India, Apply for Canadian PR. By next five months you will know if you’ll get it or not.
      Dec 25, 2019
    • LinkedIn JsPt62
      awful suggestion.
      Jan 5
  • Salesforce lmts😀😜
    OP
    Thank you everyone.

    I and my wife spent good amount of time to evaluate suggestions and value that we get here for staying short or long term.

    One of blinder mentioned in this thread. Saving more money means securing family future, it is true in all sense whether it is india or USA.

    Staying here for 5 years in USA is equal to 40 years in India based on my and wife salary. I have calculated mine and my wife salary/income, expenses in both countries and finally risks.

    Decision we made is to stay as long we can and save as much as we can. If things don’t work after 5years. We will go back and settle in India with whatever skills we have.
    Jan 5 2
    • Cruise Automation jackolan
      Thanks for the update and best of luck to you and your family!
      Jan 5
    • Salesforce lmts😀😜
      OP
      🙏 Thank you for suggestions
      Jan 5
  • Symantec rwp85snm
    Go where you (and your wife) can save more money and secure your family’s future. Happiness is not a function of where you stay.
    Dec 25, 2019 1
    • Apple WOZ19
      Health is more important than money. For no money, should you ever move to a place with unhealthy air quality. It will kill you and your children in the long run.

      Moving to India is fine, but not to any of the big cities.
      Dec 25, 2019

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