TL;DR at the bottom A couple of weeks ago, an intern started working on my team for this summer. She seems really bright and is super cute, and she has 1 more year left of undergrad (I’m 24 btw). When I found out that her primary project for the summer is on a feature that I initially developed, I was elated. We ended up hitting it off pretty great, I got her ramped up on the project and company internal tools and I think she has already grown quite comfortable around me. I think I’m the only male on the team that she would consider a friend. We’ve eaten lunch together a lot and have gotten to know each other quite a bit, and at times have even been kinda flirty. She laughs at all my jokes and I feel like she keeps trying to make eye contact with me. I also get quite a lot of “accidental” touches from her while we are working together or out getting lunch. As far as I can tell she is single, but I have yet to confirm. Just last week, out of the blue, she scheduled a recurring meeting titled “Daily sync-up :)” and its for 30 min just me and her. I honestly don’t see the need for meeting that frequently and doubt she will actually need that much guidance, but I am not going to deny her. She makes positive remarks about the way I’ve been teaching her, and even complimented the smell of my cologne once when no one else was around the team area. Today as we were both leaving the office, she asked me if I would be down to get drinks together after work with her this Friday, and I was floating. I of course agreed to it and offered to show her around town as she’s still new to the area, and she seemed really happy about that. Do I need to tread lightly here? If I get all the right signals from this girl on Friday, I don’t think I’ll be able to resist making a move. If something does happen, there is no way in hell that I will let my teammates or anyone in my org find out about this, but in the worst case scenario, what can happen to me if this gets exposed? I’m the longest serving member of my current team (though I’m far from being the most senior), and I feel that I’ve earned a good amount of respect/trust from my peers and managers up to this point. Would you find this behavior inappropriate if someone on your team did this? In a way, I almost feel like my manager would actually be okay with it, but I obviously can’t assume that. I seriously NEVER imagined myself being in one of these situations, and after hearing about the consequences you guys mention for getting involved in these type of things, it all sounds kinda ridiculous to me. Can I seriously get fired over something like this? TL;DR female intern and I have been flirting a lot and we’re hanging out at the end of this week. I want to make a move and I think she’s down, but I’m worried about what could happen if things go wrong or someone on the team finds out. HELP!
I was in almost the exact same scenario. Nothing bad came of it, but I was very much aware of the potential problems that existed there. Be careful, and yes, tread lightly. Have fun :) Also, don’t do anything that would make the remaining days awkward with her. Hold off until the end if you’re planning anything
Did your team end up finding out or did you guys keep it a secret? I don’t know if I can wait for the end of the summer, she’s gonna go back to college, and if she only views this as a potential short term thing then my opportunity will already be gone by then
Not officially, but leaving and arriving with the same teammate almost everyday and constantly going to lunch with them gives serious hints about it. You can go out of your way to leave at different times and have lunch with different people, but in my case, people didn’t seem to care much.
This has a potential problem written all over it . Be smart and keep it super professional. This is just an advice from another female.
Thanks for the advice- I’ve definitely kept it pretty professional at the office
Will you review her or have a say in her offer? Then no
Yeah, I’ll probably need to provide performance feedback at the end of her internship, but why is that a reason not to do it? I don’t think the outcome of this fling will influence my peer review for her or her ability to deliver on the project
Doesn't matter what you think you're going to do... This is a "the company is going to cover their ass" situation.
The HR would decide termination when something is brought up on those lines. Your manager have little control Stay controlled and observe till end of Internship. Once the internship ends probably you could ask her out.
She’s going back to college at the end of summer 🙁 this might be my only chance with her
You are only human. Societal constructs mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe she’s the one. I’d risk it to find out. Go for it and be discrete about it. Good luck.
Thanks! After doing a lot of thinking I also think she’s worth the risk, and was sad to find that most of Blind seems to not agree...
Azns don't metoo?
They don’t metoo white guys.
Which is more important to you, your job and professional reputation or a summer fling? You decide.
Met my husband this way. Studies show (even in modern day with dating apps) that 10-15% of spouses meet at work. Could be the start of something good.
I agree but still dangerous. :( On a positive note, how is prdt at RS and what’s comp like?
It enjoyable working with good people and tools. Very agile, and not in the project management buzzword sense, but actually agile. Unfortunately, compared with other product teams, pay is low, but San Antonio is cheap. I.e 5 bedroom house with a pool for price of 2 bedroom apt in SF.
Don't make a move fool. Me too worst case. If your team mates find out they'll think you abused your position. Nothing is worth some ass. Be sweet and polite but drop any romantic gestures. You should have refused drinks saying you're busy or tell her to invite others interns or some shit like that. Dumbass.
I’m gonna avoid any romantic gestures in office settings from now on, but there’s just no way that I was gonna turn down this girl’s offer to go out. A woman like her is almost impossible to find, especially in my area
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#MeToo
How is this MeToo? I’m just a regular guy working near the bottom of the totem pole, attracted to a woman of a similar age who just might actually be interested in a consenting relationship. If I can lose my job over that, that seems messed up
You’re in a position of power. You’re lowly, but above her.