I spent a lot of time today reading dozens of #metoo posts and all the comments. I must admit, I was not familiar with this issue very much, so I was rather appalled to discover all the nasty crap that some posters had to deal with. What was way more eye opening, though, is the level of stupidity in a lot of comments from all sides of this debate. I am your typical introverted socially awkward male software engineer. I’ve been in the industry for a while and have made a decent career. After reading all these posts and comments, I decided to look back and try to remember if I myself have unknowingly committed in the past anything close to the offenses related to this topic. I can’t honestly say that I have, but I definitely came up with a number of situations where I am pretty sure I haven’t done anything wrong, but not according to some of commenters. And that, my friends, scared the living crap out of me. 1. I have a job that I love and career that I spent years building. 2. I have family that I love and care about. 3. I would never think anything about it, but according to some comments, there was a number of situations in the past, that I could have been reported to HR for sexism or harassment. Even many female commenters are contradicting each other in what is a real offense and what is not. And it turns out, in many cases it actually depends on the context and social situations, which is pretty much impossible to determine for most socially awkward introverts like myself. Maybe some of those commenters were just trolling, I don’t know. And that terrifies me even more. It is a sad time. There’re some really bright females in my team, but I just can’t see myself mentoring or building any successful productive working relationships with them for the fear of unknowingly offending them and being consequently reported to HR instead of just being told that what I did was not ok with them. This is apparently the safest course of action according to a lot of commenters, to make sure that the guy does not escape the justice and gets his life ruined for sure. I am not taking my chances. I just can’t afford to be that guy.
I'm completely agree with you. I'm avoiding dating for a while inside or outside the workplace. Unnecessary risk. Edited for clarity
... So you're planning to date in the workplace?
Lol. Never! That was never in the question..
For someone who says he is socially awkward you pull a carefully crafted manipulative text.
In your dictionary, does “Socially awkward” mean someone who is incapable of writing well formed text ? What’s your point !?
Nope, in my dictionary “socially awkward” is someone who is not very good at “reading” other people. However, this post is not only well formed, it carefully presses all the needed buttons to sound legit yet it is complete bs. Fake sympathy to the cause, fake “I won’t deal with women”. The message this text is crafted to convey is: “Stop doing what you’re doing because we will punish you”. A very good manipulation, and although I’ve seen better, never from someone really “socially awkward”. Those are usually genuinely sincere folks.
What are you terrified of? Just be a good human?
There are many definitions of good. Some of them contradict to the others.
Can you please elaborate this in OPs context? How often are we really faced with this dilemma of choosing which "definition of good" in a day to day work environment?
This topic is already being discussed in the national media. That for fear of being accused of inappropriate behavior men will minimize working interactions with women. It’s just common sense.
Like OP, I was appalled to learn about some of the things women had to endure in the corporate world. And like OP, I have decided to stick with the offenders and avoid the victims because I refuse to change how I treat women. (sarcasm, if it wasn’t blatantly obvious)
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This .. While I support and concur with the inspiration behind the #MeToo movement, I can only imagine how easily this could be misused.. In the past at one point I observed this in the name of Pseudo-Feminism.. While most of my female friends have intelligent and genuine conversations about these subjects with me, I have met enough women who blabber and point pretty much any thing a man does as wrong and sexist... As the Op feels, over time due to an increase in misusing of #MeToo, it might make the work environments unsociable and toxic.. I hope people atleast give the benefit of doubt and do proper investigation before accusing the guy in an instant...
There was a post about some girl not liking to remind her to smile. From that point I understand that guy, why take your chances.
Yeah because were here to smile on command. Yeah
Have you ever seen anyone reminding a male colleague to smile?
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That?