Thank you 2021 and I survived it to be stronger

Lyft
viopond

Go to company page Lyft

viopond
Dec 25, 2021 13 Comments

2021 is the most difficult year for me since my adulthood. I am now happy at the end of this year and proud of me surviving it.

The biggest challenge is the mental health issue coming from the combination of (1) being a mother of 1 year old (2) the work stress at a high pressure FAANG company (I am not at Lyft anymore) where I just newly joined in late 2020, (3) the fact that my husband chose to jump ship early 2021 from a big name with great wlb to a sweat factory pre-ipo.

We originally had a nanny at 2020, but she left for personal reason early 2021. And we could not find a replacement and rushed to put my 1 year old daughter into daycare at winter and learned the daycare can only take 2 day in a week. If you are a mom, you'll understand how that terrible transition period goes, especially when your husband is studying for interviewing all nights and weekends.

I occasionally had panic attack or short of breath due to mental issue. I occasionally asked for help from husband but he thought I just worry too much about my own work.

Maybe he was right, my ratings are pretty good in the first review cycle. But I was burned out. In the meanwhile, my husband joined his new company and started crazy remote ramp up and oncall process. He started from large company and hasn't been in any start up before, and he was surprised that the smaller company has nothing for development tools, everything is on fire and painful on his work. Fortunately, my husband is willing to help me with baby sitting at his best effort which I really appreciate. We were like a baby sitting machine without too much talk everyday, just take turns and no weekends for self time.

However everything worked out later 2021, my daughter can sleep through the whole night, the daycare had spot to take my daughter 5 day for a week (originally 2 days and the rest of day time we hired a part time nanny for couple hour so we can get some work done). And at September my parents in law came to rescue (after vaccination).

Then with the weekends back to us under parents in law's help, we were able to finally release the mental health issue we both had for months. I remember on a Saturday, my husband stared me, saying "are we free? Where should we go?"

Now at the end of year, I wanna thank all the people who helped me to survive this difficult year. The nanny, the part time sitter, the daycare sitter, and of course my husband and his parents. My daughter has been growing happily and healthily. I was able to do a good work in the year, and now my husband started loving his new company by grabbing some impactful work at hand.

Through this my husband and I both feel proud of ourselves and each other. Those who didn't beat us will make us stronger.

TC wise my family is good enough for two L5 software engineers while I am always earning 30%-50% more by luck due to stock price (that is why he wanna jump ship to bet a pre ipo which I understand and support). The problem is not about money, it is the general difficulty during COVID that working families are facing.

I am lucky enough to have a good husband and a good career. I just donated some money out. Wish everybody happy holidays and the new year will be better.

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TOP 13 Comments
  • HP
    !dealth

    Go to company page HP

    !dealth
    You are missing yours and your husband TC in your post.
    Why did you decide to leave lyft and join FAAmazonNG?
    Dec 25, 2021 2
    • Lyft
      viopond

      Go to company page Lyft

      viopond
      OP
      Got a meet most rating after giving birth. Where that half I only worked two months and then go to maternity leave.

      TC: 530K
      Husband: 250K + paper money = So-called 600K (It is a hot pre ipo)
      Dec 25, 2021
    • HP
      !dealth

      Go to company page HP

      !dealth
      Ohhhh, it is great everything is going well for you now and happy holidays.

      Is meet most that bad considering you just gave birth and you definitely can always turn it in the next quarter?
      Dec 25, 2021
  • IBM / Ops
    r3999p

    Go to company page IBM Ops

    r3999p
    I’m glad you took care of your mental health first. No money is worth your health. Ps. You mention β€œhusband is baby sitting.” Husbands parent. It took me a while to make that distinction. Enjoy your daughter. Maybe you can some type of yoga and it meditation for 2022
    Dec 25, 2021 1
    • JPMorgan Chase / Eng
      QXSx70

      Go to company page JPMorgan Chase Eng

      PRE
      Ultimate Software
      QXSx70
      She applied the same term to herself as well. β€˜We were like a baby sitting machine’. I agree that β€˜watching the kids’ would be more accurate for parents to say, but it’s not a double standard for OP.
      Dec 25, 2021
  • In 30 years when you look back at your life would you regret working like crazy? As a new mother this guilt feeling come and go. I don't know what the answer is. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ
    Dec 25, 2021 2
    • Lyft
      viopond

      Go to company page Lyft

      viopond
      OP
      I truly understand you about that guilt feeling and honestly I don't know a good answer. But I believe that my husband won't have any of this guilt. Perhaps I won't regret in 5 years but maybe do regret in 30 years.

      Actually I already sacrificed some career opportunity during pregnancy which I don't regret.
      Dec 25, 2021
    • I sacrificed A LOT. I just spend my maternity leave on preparing for interview and got one offer. But thoughts of being stay at home parent are always with me. I have no time for myself right now. Kid work kid wok kid work. Lucky you your in laws could come and visit.
      Dec 25, 2021
  • Meta
    XDya23

    Go to company page Meta

    XDya23
    "Got a meet most rating after giving birth. Where that half I only worked two months and then go to maternity leave."

    This does not make sense to me. In Meta if you are on leave over half of the time, you're automatically getting a meets all. Lyft is expecting you to do 6 months' work in 2 months?

    Giving a Mom with a new-born meets most just because you take the leave?!
    Dec 25, 2021 1
    • Lyft
      viopond

      Go to company page Lyft

      viopond
      OP
      Lyft doesn't have a meet most rating before that cycle. I was the first one that hit by it. I think now they should have a good on leave policy for new moms. And honestly the manager didn't give me large project that meet my level due to pregnancy anyway.
      Dec 27, 2021
  • New / Eng
    cooriusguy

    New Eng

    cooriusguy
    Happy holidays!! Happy the year ended better for you πŸ₯°
    Dec 25, 2021 0