Tired of cranking a warm and sticky one with the boys 😫
I am a single man working in Bay Area. Every day, after spending 7+ hours to add 2 lines of code to my project, which is absolutely critical to my company (according to my manager, even though no one knows about it), I take some well-earned rest to congratulate myself and then proceed to undertake my 1 hour commute (sans traffic) to the fringes of society. Here I share a 3 bed 1 bath with 2 brilliant software engineers (also male and single) , one of whom is working for a unicorn waiting to IPO anytime soon (‘It is happening next month!’ he told me excitedly one day in 2017). The other one works at Google, or maybe it was Facebook or Amazon, I am not sure since I never see him around. He is always at work, leading the Tech revolution with his 100,000+ comrades, making the world a better place (his words not mine). Anyways, once I am home and have microwaved some pre-cooked frozen pasta (ps: the frozen chicken really tastes like chicken these days 😫👌🏽), I go quietly to my room and bring out the box of Kleenex facial tissues infused with aloe and lotion (the aloe and lotion helps soothe bad colds and is good for sensitive skins - Kleenex’s words not mine). I will not describe to the gentle folks of Blind what ensues next but let’s just say I have not had a cold or flu for a long time. Once I am done with my routine and collapse on the bed, my exercise quota having been fulfilled (I am however a little concerned that my gut is still growing like an unchecked O(n^2) algorithm despite this daily routine), I take some time to reflect how I am changing the world one line of code at a time and go into a blissful sleep despite the traffic on the busy road outside. I love my life but for one aspect. I don’t want to be the only participant in the daily Bedroom Olympics which takes place in my room every 9 pm. It would be nice to bond with someone over this sport where coming first is not the benchmark of performance. So my question is, how can I meet a person from the opposite sex and extend an invitation to the sporting event of a lifetime? I am not a very picky person. My only requirements are for the person to be from the opposite sex and be able to solve Leetcode medium in 25 minutes or less. If this person doesnt meet that requirement, I am also ok that the person looks like a Kardashian (with makeup and post cosmetic surgeries and not Khloe) and takes up to 40 minutes on an LC easy (but optimal solution). Please let me know where and how I can find this person. Like the title says, I am tired of cranking a warm and sticky one with the boys! Any help is appreciated 🙂
I know this post is a joke, but holy fuck I'm so glad I don't live in the Bay Area.
What google at you at
Nah man, it’s all good in da hood here *plucks another aloe lotion infused kleenex*
It was funny, I'll give you that much.
according to your requirements, leetcode's leaderboard seems like a good place to start
Above my league 😞
Bro, you got me teary eyed. you are pretty good at telling stories.
Bro, start writing a book. You have a gift. 😌
If I were a girl...I would PM you. Nice way of narrating your troubles...you indeed are a story teller my friend!
1) Get a job that will afford you a 1 bedroom apartment 20-30 mins from work. Less commute is life changing. If you are under 28, roommates are fine, otherwise live solo to avoid scaring off grown women. 2) Exercise in the gym before work instead of spending all your energy playing pocket pool in your bedroom. 3) Don't eat frozen food more than 1 or 2 times a week. Cook at least 2-3 nights a week and go out other nights. 4) Get on dating apps and start meeting women. Keep expectations low, just have fun and eventually somebody will be attracted to your funloving attitude and willing to overlook your O(n^2) gut (which will hopefully be replaced with n*log n after some exercise time-gut space tradeoffs).
Ah man. You are the only one who give some real advice
Didn't you really know all those things? Implementing them is the hard part
Sounds like the plot of the upcoming movie "Joker"
👍 reading this post has killed 13 brain cells.
Writing this post killed 25 and I only had 28 to begin with
I am now 1 synapse away from autism