Trapped working in tech and Bay Area forever…

Google
atoken

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atoken
Feb 18 144 Comments

I will need to stay working till I am mid-fifties. So depressing.

I left my wife 2 years ago. Now I am f..d. We had a “long term marriage” so there’s no end date for my support payments. And I have to stay specifically in Bay Area if I want to keep custody over my kids.

So, breakdown:
$3700/month rent (need to rent in my kids’ school district and my home should be big enough)
$4000/month goes to my ex. Plus 21% of everything I get on top of salary (stocks, bonuses, etc) - pretax.
$800/month for my car (bought it 3 years ago when I was much richer)
All other expenses I probably $1000-$1500
$2000/month on lawyers.

Lost half of my savings. Spent more than $60k on lawyers.

I want to leave California. I want to start my own company. But instead I am a slave to my exwife for foreseeable future… I can’t lose my income because support is based on my “earning capacity “ and not the actual income… I need to stay above $350k/year. And I seemingly stuck at L5 forever (TC 370K)

#divorce #depression #noexit

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 TOP 144 Comments
  • Amazon
    Lil Pip

    Go to company page Amazon

    Lil Pip
    US is such a nice country.
    Feb 18 4
  • Amazon
    abcde🔥u

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    abcde🔥u
    Woman here. One thing I know for sure is I would not ask to be supported in such a situation. It would suck to feel I'm leeching off of ex. So sorry to hear you're in this situation.
    Feb 18 15
    • Google
      ml-chick

      Go to company page Google

      ml-chick
      though, if both parties have roughly equal earning potential, there's no alimony to be paid unless it's for child support.
      Feb 18
    • Google
      stuckhere_

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      stuckhere_
      I don't get how you say "I understand where they are coming from".

      You are getting penalized for something you **might** do? That sounds like BS. IF you do actually hide your income at some point, how about punishing you for it then? In the meantime, decide support on how much you make at any given time. Not this **perceived earnings** BS.

      Also support needs to be phased out after a certain number of years. Yes, the spouse may have sacrificed their career for OP, but if they can't get back on their feet after 5-7 years of being supported, then it isn't OPs fault. That's just them being lazy. Yes, it is hard. But so is life for OP!
      Feb 19
  • 2000 a month for lawyers on what?? That has to end at some point right
    Feb 18 4
  • The $4K a month does not really go to your ex, but it for child care of your kids. $48K a year is about right for clothes, food, school, etc. Man up. It is your responsibility. Drop the $2K for lawyers, you won't win and your kids will suffer poverty. Drop the $800 for fancy car and get a 4 year old Toyota for cash and no monthly payment. Yep, paying for being a parent sucks, but you wound up there through your own actions and can't blame others for your decisions. You can leave California, but a judge will require the kids stay with their Mom unless you can convince her to move also.
    Feb 18 5
    • Amazon
      okVT18

      Go to company page Amazon

      okVT18
      CA child support is NOT for buying necessities but evening kids' lifestyle between parents, avoid one rich one poor parent which is bad for development, if anything 4k is too low to meet this goal for OP

      their FAQ: "The goal is to have children share in the standard of living of both parents, so the court may order either or both parents to pay child support."
      Feb 19
    • It costs $4K a month to rent a house in Bay area. That leave zero dollars for food and clothes. If anything, he should be paying more.
      Feb 20
  • Amazon / Sales
    PIP Snitch

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     PIP Snitch
    Jesus Christ, bro this sounds like hell. I’m 35 and this makes me scared of marriage.

    Can’t you just run away? Kidnap the kids and go back to your home country? What could they do? Hire some thugs to threaten your ex-wifey life?
    Feb 18 2