How do you deal with a career AND kids?
Posting this in the women in tech section not because I️ think this is a woman only responsibility but because I️ want to know how women deal with it.
I’m trying to rise in my career but I️ feel like I’m being held back by my kids and home life. I️ come home from work fully ready to grab a snack, do the kid routine (play, read, dinner, bath, sleep, etc) then spend some time studying for myself. But by the time I️ put them down I’m exhausted and end up binging on Netflix or crap on YouTube. How do you guys manage it?? Right now I’m feeling like a failure both as a mom and at work.
I’m 35 and feel like I’m super behind. Both the kids are adopted so I️ took time off each time and started at a new company when they were 6-9 months old. Many of my friends (all men) have made it to VP / manager / director roles and I’m at a senior DBA role.
Details - a 5yr old and a 2yr old. My husband is an equalish parent (he does his share of the kids and house work but I️ still have to remind him). Plus I’m in grad school taking classes 1-2 nights a week. At the rate I’m going I’ll be done with the degree when I’m 38. I mostly went back to school to switch to a Data Science career track and to feel more confident in my skill set. Am I️ crazy? Am I️ taking on too much? Tagging the major tech companies because it’s my goal to end up there.
comments
I understand the duality of feeling like the clock is ticking on your career yet wanting to be a fully present minded mom. As another poster said, I think you need to be patient with yourself. Is getting that title really what’s going to bring joy and fulfillment?
Having a two-year-old and a five-year-old is a ton of work but it’s also a critical time in their life. My kids are that age as well and it’s absolutely magical and brutal - I struggle also, but I know that this time is fleeting and so for me, I’m more interested in experiencing joy through my children than ladder climbing. If you’re looking at it like you’re being held back by your children - that’s a tricky place because resentment can creep in - and that’s not fair to them.
This is a moment where your priorities might need to shift. You won’t lose ground if you maintain your business relationships while keeping your head down with your kids and current job. Relationships propel careers to vp titles faster than skill. Because at that level, it’s all about who you know.
Meanwhile people living on a dollar a day can have 5 no problem.
Secondly it’s sad that you think pooping out babies is incredibly easy. Many women (and men) deal with a number of health issues which makes getting pregnant/ staying pregnant/ giving birth difficult. I️ can’t tell if your remark is genuine or if you are just being a troll so I’ll end with this. Be mindful of other people’s struggles.