Want to leave IT to make time for family and myself
I’m 36 and I work in IT since I was 21. Same as my spouse. We make good money, have some savings. Almost paid off mortgage. Lately I’m feeling more and more burned out. I’m tired of late night work, overtime hours, unhealthy eating and being tired all the time. We have 1 kid and I always wanted to have 3 by the time I’m 40. We do not travel a lot, haven’t seen Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Yellowstone, Atlantic City, you name it. I kinda want to take some time off from work/IT, have more kids, spend some time to exercise and lose weight that I’ve being gaining for the last 10 years... I look older than I’m actually and that also bothers me. I have some hobbies/ideas for small business which is not related to IT. And even if I don’t ever make IT money again, my spouse is still so into the job and makes a lot, and I know we’ll be fine. One thing that stops me is that if I do that - leave a job to make time for family and myself - it’s a feeling that I worked so hard for all those 15 years and ended nowhere... Like why I even bothered then, developed myself, went to conferences, courses, had sleepless nights thinking about job... just to end as probably small business owner and/or stay-at-home person. Is it too crazy to do? Has anyone/ anyone’s spouse done that? And if I realize that I made a mistake - is it even possible to return to IT after 4-5 years gap when you are 40?
You need a change- 1. Can you take a less stressful and busy IT job in a different division or company? Or part time? 2. If you know you want a break from IT, can you change what you do in your company itself? 3. If you do need a break, make a 6-12 month plan with measurable goals including weight loss, hours that you will spend with kid and time spent on new company. You can also make a 5 year broader plan for your career. Be proud of where you are and what you did so far. Time to move on.
Sounds like you worked and just worked with no life. It may sound bitter but I’m not here to put you down but just provide with opinion and perspective. You did what you wanted to and gained a lot through it but through that you have lost too. It’s a v good thing that you are thinking as that’s the start of making change. You need to make gradual change as sudden change can also turn your life into something you would want. Go slow and focus on health, family more. See how you feel, what you like and find a path to either part time or something different all together. If you won’t code for couple of weeks I guarantee no one will die! I worked in tech and moved to financial sector even when people from tech look down at many industries specially banking but that never has bothered me as I know what is important for me in life. Health and family first (always)
Yes, I’ve tried to do a slow change, and changed the team about a year ago. I thought it would be more calm environment, and it was for a while; but then we went through the re-org and now it’s even worse that I’ve had in my previous team... There is no stability. I don’t like drastic changes either, but I’m so tired and don’t see myself working so relentlessly as I did all those years before. As you correctly said it seemed I had no life and did it wrong. Can’t continue do that...
So try to find a job in a group where it’s a bit laidback. Change company or move to business side from IT. You will find something and if you just draw boundaries in your current job a lot of things can change quickly. I only work 9-5 unless absolutely necessary to do extra work I don’t look at it. Good luck - believe in self and you will find a way...
There are many people who take long breaks and come back into good roles rejuvenated. I know a very senior executive who did this, and joined after 6 months in an even more senior role in another company. You seem to be totally burnt out and you need a break
What if you continue to do what you are doing now? Would you regret that? Being unhealthy? Not spending enough time with family? Missing out on having more kids? Why don’t you take a short break from work and do some soul searching.
I am regretting it every single day for some time now :-/
It’s called mid life crisis, use ur sabbatical to come out of it.
Before making drastic changes, start by taking back your evenings and weekends. Spend the time with family, going to the gym or just spacing out. Do weekend trips to local national parks. Get your family lean and excited on traveling. Then work your way up to longer time off. Eventually you will either find work/life balance or a new position that works for you.
Thanks. I was trying to work only during normal business hours, but the load in the team is too demanding. Some person can send email at 9pm, another one responds 6am next morning, and by the time I’m in the office they all are questioning why I still did not respond. Sometimes I got news that something big should be done to tomorrow noon around 5pm previous day - in a manner that it has to be done, no one asks IF it could be done. And the more I work the more I realize that these deadlines are so artificial. No one is going to die if I take my time to actually do a good job. All that rush ended in crappy quality so then of course we have urgent needs to fix it. But from the side it looks like we are all so busy and important.
Is this Microsoft? I’m surprise Microsoft has these urgencies. Maybe try Dell/Emc. There are never urgent emails at night that require quick response. Anyways, only 1 person need to work for the health insurance. If your spouse can work, then you can quit. It is quite common for the husband to work and wife to stay home.
What’s your net worth?
Not enough for both of us to retire, but we could live on spouse’s salary
5 minutes before you die, will you regret not spending more time at the office or not spending more time with your family?
Is the point of all the work the work itself or the ability to spend more time with your loved ones? Sounds like you need a break regardless
The point of work so far was money. But I think we can comfortably live on my spouse’s salary...