What's the point?
I was a really happy guy and had a lot of friends through school and college but I graduated with a Bachelor's in CS last year and moved to Seattle for work and the only think I can think about is how to get ahead in my career. When I go on dates, I feel like I'm wasting my time and should be on leetcode instead. If you've lived in Seattle, you probably know about the freeze. I went through that, made some friends but I just don't have enough fun with them to actually make an effort to grow or increase the friendship. Coworkers are all right and fun but they have completely opposing interests out of work and I can't seem to find a middle ground. I try to go for dance lessons (I've been dancing since middle school), go to meetups etc. but I just feel like I should be working harder instead of wasting my time. I don't come from a family of great means and this is the most comfortable financial position I have ever been in but I have probably never felt this alone or unhappy in my whole life. My college friends are kind of what keep me going. Just chatting with them and occasionally calling them is probably the only thing that gives me joy now. Been reading books like Man's Search for Meaning etc. to try to understand more about a bigger purpose but that doesn't really help. My college and high school friends literally tell me that I've changed and I feel it too. I'm not sure what to do. TC 135k
Feel ya. Also looking for answers.
The only way this would work in Seattle is to find a significant other soon. Seattle for singles is one of the worst cities. Good tc and a partner and all will fall into place. The longer you wait the worst it gets. Been here for awhile, it’s getting worse with the influx of single men causing imbalance and bringing the Silicon Valley rat race up north.
Don’t rush to get married, marrying a wrong person will be a curse you will carry for the rest of your life.... nothing wrong with being single, or in casual relationships, even more serious ones. Nobody needs a piece of paper and legal obligation to hang out with someone, if someone wants to hang out with you, then they will without any of that bullsh*t... for the rest of your life too...
Is there really nothing fun to do in Seattle? Can you try to organize some events for everyone at the office, get them all to pay their share... lots of people feel lonely, even those who don’t look liken they are, and will jump on any opportunity to do something fun with a bunch of other people. Make sure it’s something you really like doing, that way you will attract all like minded people....
I have been trying out stuff but I have probably introduced myself to about 300-400 (maybe more) people by now and meeting a new person now is just annoying.
1. Religion- any that you like.. it helped me feel connected to higher purpose beyond my selfish self. (Queue the Bill Maher fans) 2. Is moving closer to fam and friends an option? 3. You are changing and will definitely continue to change and that’s what growing up means... 4. Don’t force it. Do what feels natural and don’t hold yourself to old expectations or constructs
Religion is the root of all evil in this world...
Well yeah bc there are a lot of religions that tell people to kill other religions, like Islam
Pretty typical attitude for that TC
Does it change afterwards? If it does, knowing that would really help me out.
It won't. OP, are you insecure and have fears that this TC will go away and hence you need to with harder?
welcome to your 20s. it's normal. try to find communities of like-minded people... church/synagogue/mosque/ashram. volunteering w a political campaign. volunteering with the arts (the symphony, opera, and museum all have young member clubs). or environmental advocacy (trailwork, etc.) the mountaineers. seattle singles yacht club. try meetup groups. book clubs. music. golf or sailing or cooking lessons. poetry readings. lectures. it's endless...
What's wrong with focus on leetcode and career. Do what you want if it makes you happy and have no regrets. You invest time now in your career and rise up the TC ranks fast. At the same time there is nothing like being 25 and partying and having wild sex orgies etc.. And that takes equally alot of work to do as well. Weigh the opp cost of it all.. U only are young once.. When r u 50 and ready to party guess what nobody is around lol.
Is that what happens at BoA? Orgies??? Seems like it’s better to sacrifice now for later. But then again nothing more painful than regret.... Everything comes at a cost, you won’t truly know if it was the right choice until the end.
Nah man, I've been to some crazy sex parties and there are plenty of old people there too. But mostly I agree
This is going too sound so weird but you should start looking into FI, Financial Independence. This seems to be a good timing and you have the means to do so. FI will provide you the security that you need and they have a good community. Just spend 20 mins reading about it on Google.
I'm all about "FIRE" but I just think that if I don't have work, what the fuck would I do? I go on vacations etc. but after about 5 days, I've mostly had enough and again, I think about my career. I have joked that "I'll be working till I die" numerous times.
We all said that when we started. Then we grew up.
You haven't done enough leeting until you can get hard to a leetcode hard.
What's the point? I would probably make 3x my salary in 4-5 years but I still won't be happy on the inside. I want to focus and fix myself first. Inner peace is what I'm really after.
Just kidding. Why don't you take up a hobby or a sport that makes you spend time with other people. Relationships with humans matter more than anything for happiness. People here chase TC so that it will allow them to spend that quality time with people they like whenever and wherever they want to. TC is a means, not an end. Same with leeting you want to work hard and make as much as you can when you are young and able. The point is to front load your hard work in your career so you can take it easy and enjoy it later in your 50s and 60s. But it shouldn't come at the expense of having no friends or partners. Then you'd be left with just a bunch of money and no people to live your life with. Balance is the key my friend.
It's a phase, will pass.
Soon we'll just accept it as a new born?
*norm