When are we thinking about having your first kid/when did you have your first kid?

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thinstacks

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thinstacks
6d 20 Comments

How did having a kid affect your career, ambitions, and self development?
Why would you have a kid/why did you have a kid? What was the main reason?
I realize this can be a sensitive subject, and often having a child can change a person’s agency and priorities all together, so let’s all be respectful ☺️

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TOP 20 Comments
  • Plaid
    GWwO43

    Go to company page Plaid

    GWwO43
    I was 33 when we had our daughter. Always wanted 2-3 kids and hopefully we’ll have a second in the next year. It’s been life changing, and everything I hoped it would be. I’ve never felt pure love until the moment she was born. It’s an overwhelming feeling. Financially no issues, if anything I don’t care as much about material possessions, my time has become so much more valuable. Our social calendar expanded a lot in the months following birth and is completely full every weekend. I lost contact with some childless friends , mostly because of lifestyle differences. There’s less time and energy and need to explore the 15th new sushi restaurant or the latest brewery. So many more people with kids, or just having kids, have jumped into our social circle now. There’s also a lot more connection with these people because we’re all going through similar things. I’ve felt my relationships have become deeper and more meaningful with this group then my previous group before having a child. The types of activities change, the amount of time you spend with friends reduces - due to child always being top priority. We spend a lot more time at home, and people almost always come over to hangout rather than going out somewhere. Another huge positive is the kid becomes a shield for rejecting a bunch of social obligations that I used to dislike but felt guilty for declining. You can now rely on your kid as an excuse to get out of anything you don’t want to do, it’s awesome - like a golden ticket! - and no one will bat an eye :)

    The slightly negative: your patience will be tested beyond belief - but a strong opportunity for personal growth.
    You’ll never sleep the way you used to before a kid, probably for years. The adrenaline rush from knowing a life is in your hands tends to counteract this. And you can assume anyone you work with that has an infant is likely operating at 50% mental capacity on a daily basis at work.
    6d 4
    • Amazon
      2.7

      Go to company page Amazon

      2.7
      Umm… firstly I don’t agree that people who have kids are more distracted at work or will take more leaves. That is why I asked the OP not to make such generalized statements.

      What if I were to say something like “I don’t have kids and hence feel isolated and depressed and suicidal and hence, by extension everybody who is childless is depressed and suicidal.” (I mean if enough people made such sweeping statements, there could be hiring bias even in such scenarios but it is not true for everyone just because it may be true for me, correct ?)

      FYI - nobody in my company knew I had a newborn (I interviewed a week after I delivered and decided not to take maternity leave in the new company). When people found out I have a four year old, they asked me how I never mentioned the kid or took a single day off and was so energetic throughout . My point - you didn’t know so you didn’t assume that I was working at diminished capacity… (and I wasn’t !). It appears it is like a confirmation bias more than anything else.

      Of course sleep deprivation is real - but again it depends on the kid, the couple, the support system etc
      6d
    • Apple
      IpqL58

      Go to company page Apple

      PRE
      Intel Corporation, JDA Software
      IpqL58
      I agree with many points you made and they work in a corporate set up the best because a big employer has enough profits and resources to afford leaves (like maternity etc) a smaller employer doesn’t. Let’s say a construction business can’t afford to hire women which might risk their projects getting delayed due to women taking leaves. Having said that I support fully unbiased practices in hiring and equal opportunities to women and everyone. But my point is this can’t be generalized to all types of businesses.
      6d
  • Google
    joppyy

    Go to company page Google

    joppyy
    Woman here. I wanted to have 2 kids before turning 35. Had first one at 31 and see second at 35 (delayed the second due to covid etc). My husband is 2 years older than me.
    6d 2
    • SAP
      bhgtxv

      Go to company page SAP

      bhgtxv
      +1 to this. A woman’s biological clock is real. Better to have kids by 30 and if not by 35. Not saying there aren’t healthy pregnancies after 35 but the probability of fertility struggle drastically increases towards 40. Know quite a few folks in my circle going through extremely painful time. Struggling with conceiving, healthy pregnancies, genetic issues etc. Its physically, emotionally and financially exhausting in the worst way. Again not saying fertility issues cannot happen before 35 but a woman’s biological clock is real and it does nosedive after 35 in general
      6d
    • Apple
      tlaptuwna

      Go to company page Apple

      tlaptuwna
      I am seeing issues in my circle even at 28-29. Looks like clock is starting to tick earlier and earlier..
      6d
  • Apple
    IpqL58

    Go to company page Apple

    PRE
    Intel Corporation, JDA Software
    IpqL58
    Wife’s taking biological clock forced me to have one. Career and personal interests take a back seat. Finances take a hit. If the joy one drives from having a kid is far greater than all the things I just mentioned then by all means go for it. But remember the joy is also only for a few years when you are able to enjoy your kid’s innocent age. Once they get to their pre-teens this goes even further downhill.
    6d 2
  • New
    need moar🥜

    New

    need moar🥜
    Voted 40+ because… that’s… my only option 🙄
    6d 4
    • Any life lessons about relationships, and kids since it sounds like you would still like them?
      6d
    • New
      need moar🥜

      New

      need moar🥜
      Oh man… uhh… well relationship-wise it’s easy to find what you want once you know what you want, but until you do it’s almost impossible. So if you’re struggling then maybe it’s because you haven’t figured that out yet.
      6d
  • Amazon
    218109

    Go to company page Amazon

    218109
    My parents had me later in life (after 30) which for their generation was late. I grew up in a very stable household and while we weren’t rich, I never felt like I was limited in anything I wanted to do. That made me want to be stable in my career and wait until I’m atleast 30 before having a child. Had my first within the last year and it is a mental game changer. It really gives me perspective that most shit doesn’t matter and raising your kids is the most important thing you can do.
    6d 0