Wife and I both work at FAANG in the Bay Area. Ages 30/29, combined TC 850K+, net worth 1.5M. No debts (renting, student loans paid off), no kids, perfect health. Aware of how lucky we are to have this life.
Just had another of those stressful days at work, where both end up fully exhausted. Then we had a big fight over a small issue. Went to bed angry at each other. Drained of all energy but I canāt sleep. Questioning myself how will we sustain this life. Feeling the sense that our life and our youth is slipping by while we keep drudging along.
We have been planning a home purchase. Bank approved a loan for a 2.5M home with 20% down. After fighting bidding wars over many homes, we finally got into contract with a property that we liked a lot. Then, we backed out because we couldnāt commit to working our jobs long enough to pay off the mortgage. Canāt imagine putting away so much of our monthly cash into a mortgage. Anything cheaper than 2M is difficult to get excited about, weād rather rent.
Thinking about having kids, but we get worried by all the shit thatās happening in the world. Wondering whatās the point of bringing someone to a world like this. And seeing the stress that our colleagues who are parents go through each day scares us.
While in school, I pictured myself solving big problems, creating real value, inventing something useful and/or running a successful company. Right now I am just a cog in a trillion $ machine. On the other hand, it feels difficult to survive in the Bay Area on a startup salary. And the FOMO is real of seeing friends continue to make high TC at FAANG while you drudge along at a startup for years, deal with nasty politics, with potentially getting handed peanuts at exit.
Itās not that we never have any good times, though. Most of the weekends we enjoy each otherās company and love doing stuff together. But the jobs are crushing our souls, sucking away at our time and energy, and turning us against each other. When we think about the future we get depressed by the non stop treadmill. We think of running away leaving everything behind.
But we are immigrants, we have come from humble backgrounds. Leaving behind this kind of money simply feels wrong. Also our visas are tied to our jobs. So we keep dreaming about making *enough* then making an escape. But *enough* never materializes, the goal keeps shifting. I donāt know if Iāll even survive to enjoy the money in the end. If not the pandemic, the depression might kill me.
Thanks for reading. If you are in the same boat, know that you arenāt alone. If you are dreaming about having our TC and are working hard for that next job or promo, more power to you and I wish you can cherish the journey youāre on, because youāre not going to like the destination as much as you may think.
And if youāre someone who has figured this shit out, please share your wisdom. Is there hope? Or has Silicon Valley devolved into a hedonic rat race of maximizing TC at all costs? Is the answer to run to a LCOL area and trade off some TC for some sanity, socially distancing from the āBlind, Robinhood, Redfinā crowd whose life is all about TC, stocks and real estate?
EDIT - wow this went viral. Thanks for so many great, thoughtful responses, Blind community! If anyone is going through similar issues, try to read through the comments as it will be super helpful. It feels good to know that we are not alone in this.
To those who are hating on this, calling it a troll, or not able to accept that someone can have such problems when they have so much. I hear you. My post is entirely true, but I can also understand why it might seem like no big deal to you. Not trying to brag or belittle anyone elseās struggles. Just an honest post about my own struggles, which I felt would be useful for those who are going through the same, and for those who only see this life from the outside.
I agree that my issues are not terrible at all, and I have the means to fix them, while many donāt have that. Itās great to see that people on this app care enough to give useful advice, and not just talk about TC or GTFO. Iāll try to implement some of the suggestions in my life and hopefully post again next year with some positive progress.
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comments
Basically you get out of this by building habits. And you need commitment. As long as there are other things that demand your time, you will find a way to balance.
I assure you that the path you have chosen ends with the loss or degradation of your social ties, perhaps divorce .
I hit rock bottom 5 years back. Marriage disintegrated. Lost more than I can write about in public.
You are in a self imposed prison. Its cliche but its like the matrix .
For me, I chose health and being an outdoorsman. Have been chasing adventures for the last 5 years. Have a balanced life. Very very happy with the transformation. Its a struggle, the rat in me is always gnawing , but i keep it contAined.
I ask myself often, when I am old, i actually visualize a time , when I am feeble . What would be a life i would have wanted. And thats the life I live now.
And please dont live your life on weekends. Live it everyday.
Its doable , but it will be a constant habit and reminder to keep you straight in the bay area.
A lot of people have the reality where friends are drug addicts in the Midwest asking why they havenāt implemented 60% tax on people with >100k TC. And also having to fight the reality where Silicon Valley engineers make millions a year
Make sure your relationship is solid before you have kids. Anything that annoys you about each other right now will only be exasperated by having kids later. On the other hand they are a blessing should you become a parent..
The most important thing is your savings rate. I know that you carry a bit of disdain for the investing crowd, but letās play this out. On $500k, you should be able to get at least $5k/mo (~$60,000/year) just from your investments alone with nearly zero effort on your part. Now, for someone making 800k/year you might think, āwho cares?ā But the reality is at $5k/mo you can rent (or purchase outside of HCOL areas) just about any home you want and this can be sustained nearly indefinitely, provided that you keep working for a bit in the event we enter an extremely bearish investing period.
I say this as someone who has never worked at a FANG (applied as an L7 at Amazon years ago and got rejected. Went on to work for other large Fortune 50 companies and climbed my way up to Sr Director). Iāve never made the 600-800k salaries that I see here, but it has not prevented me at all from becoming a multi-millionaire. I remember that when I hit $500k with my investments (taxable account), there were months where I would make as much or more than I made at my day job. I even remember a 15% month (over $75,000 in one month), which was astronomical at the time. Almost everything that I own now is a result of my investments. My mortgage is paid by my investments and Iām able to save around 95% of my take home pay. This has enabled me to find the one thing that youāre looking for: freedom of choice:
I can go where I want, and do what I want, for as long as I want. And I donāt fear job loss or anything of that nature because my bills are all taken care of thanks to the power of compounding returns.
What FANGs are good for is increasing the velocity of your money. You can earn lots of money quickly primarily because you get guaranteed stock every year. The base salaries and bonuses are pretty much in-line with industry trends. The stock is what makes the salaries exceptional. If you take that money and invest it, you can build your dream life. I didnāt have that luck so I had to hustle a bit more to get to where Iām at, but it worked out in the end (Iām 8 years older than you, so you can see that it took a bit longer).
Build the life that you dream about, and donāt compromise your health/relationship/sanity for any job. I promise that when youāre old youāre not going to say, āman I wish I worked more!ā