I graduated last May from a top 15 school in the US for CS (my major). I was very social and outgoing in school, loved meeting new people, loved doing work with people, we don’t have to be friends but just banter, camaraderie, joking around, and just having people around to bounce ideas/thoughts back and forth, having life experiences and making something interesting happen, that’s something that helps me get through life day to day. In school (especially pre-covid), I was always able to get work done around people and I valued relationships/bonds, strong or weak. I feel like that’s what really matters at the end of the day.
After graduating, I got a job as a SDE/SWE New Grad at Amazon, been here since. It is fully remote, my coworkers are very asocial, never talk except in meetings, they keep it all work-related, never have cameras on, don’t even live in the area, they just all do their work alone and take it very seriously, many on the older side with kids. The work itself btw is incredibly stressful and exhausting and it affects my social life negatively overall as it leaves me bitter and in my head more than I’d like it to. It drains me socially and I feel like I have to be out and about outside of work, yapping away, just so I don’t lose myself and become an asocial shut in. I can tell, it is harder for me to be sociable after 8-9 hours of being alone and focused, analyzing, etc. I’m miserable here, despite all the perks that make this job title so desirable (benefits, money, stability). I don’t care about materialistic things, a big house, or supporting a family (not for another decade for me at least). My friends are all scattered, so I travel here and there on weekends around the US, I date, but this job leaks and bleeds into it all, in a very negative way. Nothing interesting happens at work ever and I dob’t have anything to talk about after work regarding my workday. It’s boring af. I do a lot outside of work, hobbies, meetups, talking to people, understanding their jobs and lifestyles, PMs, SAs, sales reps, supply chainers, sourcers, consultants, other SWEs, people in grad school, I end up questioning my life choices since I know I’m not fulfilled here, like at all. Time is also so scarce now day to day since my job takes up all that time and I have a gym routine. I want to go back in time and start over with the knowledge I have now. I’m lost and disappointed in myself.
This made me realize I am a huge culture guy. I’ve been here half a year now and I can’t imagine doing this job for 10+ years like some do, I dont even know if i can do this for 6 more miserable months. I feel like I’ve made a mistake working so hard for my CS degree, for that FAANG SWE job. I’d take a pay cut for a job I’d enjoy going to every day, with other humans around, that treat each other like humans, that support one another, where we all have actual personalities and apply them and are not just some robots CI-CDing code changes alone staring at computer screens all day hardly contributing anything to society and not affecting anyone on an interpersonal level. It’s driven me crazy and I want to quit.
I paid my student loans but I’d have to return my sign on bonus so I’d be in debt again, not to mention I’d be jobless with only < 1 yr of work experience. Should I stick it out until 1 yr for the resume experience? Should I quit, move, change careers? Am I being immature and whiny, like is this just the real world and is this just a grass is greener situation that I need to just accept and get used to? That would be depressing
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