I haven't been doing well mentally, got on the wrong team with work I'm not interested in and have a bad relationship with my manager. He's out to get me and putting me on the chopping block. I can't transfer because my last perf feedback wasn't good. The writing is on the wall.
I wouldn't mind getting fired from any other company but Google is one of the best employers in most places with less tech presence. If I don't want to live in the Bay Area or Seattle, I'm closing the door for one of the best companies in terms of wlb. Even LA and Boston don't have many competitors and especially Europe and Asia. I know that I don't want to work in Bay Area or Seattle. I'm not a very driven guy and can't last at cutthroat companies.
I feel like the world is crashing down on me. I'm either taking a large hit in wlb, income, or location. I don't know what to do now. I can't help letting this affect me mentally either. I'm just worrying about this all day everyday and losing sleep over it. I can't even concentrate on interview prep. I'm trying to enjoy things watching some show I used to enjoy and just can't. And honestly I don't have much of a support system. Being the person who "works at Google" is the only thing I ever had going for me.
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I just left Google and I know how hard it can be to catch up when behind. I had a similar struggle but got out before the bad perf snd got a better manager. I got mental health help and diagnosis that help flip everything around.
You aren’t fired yet. Get mental health help ASAP. If you need it, request a leave of absence. Don’t give up on yourself.